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Abused, Not Raised

@abusednotraised

My parents have emotionally abused/manipulated me and my sister for years. This blog documents my healing process. Hopefully it will help others out there that have experienced or are currently going through something similar. As this blog grows, I hope to organize it specifically so that it can be used as a resource.
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abusednotraised

Free Resources - Updated List

Hope everyone's having a good weekend 💜 I got a chance to look for more books today, so I went ahead and updated the google drive. There are now free books, workbooks, and other miscellaneous resources. I even found a cute little coloring book! Its target audience seems to be sexual abuse survivors, but I think it could also be helpful to survivors of other types of abuse (such as psychological).

Books:

Workbooks:

Miscellaneous:

Again, let me know if any of the links don't work!

#free resources#free books#free ebooks#workbooks#cptsd#ptsd#toxic parents#abuse#recovery#trauma
abusednotraised

I gotta vent.

Today is going to be difficult for me.

My nana passed away a couple months ago and she was the only family member that made me feel consistently loved. This is the first Christmas where I won't even be able to hear her voice.

My father also texted me a couple days ago saying they are considering giving away my things that are still in their house. Like I'm dead or something.

The holidays have always been difficult in their own way. Your parents struggling to raise three children, the youngest with a debilitating illness, and then said youngest dying at a young age will sadly do that.

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives, but even though there are many surrounding me they feel....tainted. By this feeling of loss, dread, and shame.

#death tw#abusive parents#toxic parents#b vents#b talks#holidays#mental health#trauma
abusednotraised
abusiveparentshelpfairy
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lightheartedsuggestion

Stop convincing yourself you’re wasting your life away. The time you’ve spent resting and healing was and is necessary. You’re not a waste of a person if you find yourself struggling right now. Healing, recovering, sitting with your pain is foundational. It’s not a waste. You are still whole.

abusednotraised

Hey yall 💜 it's been a while! My follower count went up dramatically while I was taking this hiatus 😮 thank you for following even though I haven't put up anything new for a minute!

I'm gonna try writing here again. A lot has happened since I last wrote an entry, so I'm not sure where to begin. But I have also learned a lot about myself while I've been gone! And I'm gonna talk about it here, maybe this week 🤞🏿

Hope everyone's having a good day.

-B

#b talks#update#new followers
abusednotraised
selves-acceptance
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compassionatereminders

Just because it "could be worse" that doesn't mean it isn't still bad! You don't have to have it worst for your pain to be valid. Other people's suffering doesn't negate or invalidate yours. You're valid even if others have it worse!

abusednotraised
forget-me-knots-behind-our-eyes

"the trauma made you kind" fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did. i am soft because i chose to be.

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peculiar-persephone

Trauma made me scared, angry, and vulnerable.

I made myself kind.

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tlitookilakin
“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” 

- Brandon Sanderson’s Oathbringer

abusednotraised

Okay, I'm feeling a little better today at least & I've got a few days off this week, so I'm gonna try to start writing here again! 🥳 Probably just gonna pick right back up where I started. I'll see if I can queue up a couple of things for tomorrow too.

As for Shout-Out Saturday, I still haven't gotten very many submissions so I think I'm gonna start reaching out to a couple other blogs to see if they wanna join in. I really want this to become a thing lol I feel like it'd still be helpful and validating to most! So until I've got some other blogs committed to trying this out I'm gonna table it. Thanks to everyone who sent me things, don't worry I didn't forget!

That's all I've got for now. Hope yall have been doing okay. Ttfn 💜💜

#b talks#update with b#quick update#fyi#Shout-Out Saturday
abusednotraised

So, it's been a while since I've made an original post. And I want to address something.

Way back when I first started this blog, I posted an excerpt from a library book concerning people with bpd and npd. I was then called out for essentially generalizing people with these disorders as abusers. At the time, I was confused because I thought this person was taking my post out of context. But now that I have seen a few other posts circulating about how the term "narcissistic abuse" in particular is ableist, I thought I'd take another minute to think about that exchange.

After looking over posts I have reblogged and created, I'm now realizing how extremely generalized all these resources I've found are. It never occurred to me that people who use the term "narcissistic abuse" are in reality using the term to lump all cluster b personality disorders into one and demonize all people with npd/bpd. Probably because I've been conditioned to believe that narcissists are inherently abusive when that isn't the case at all. I would see a book title geared towards people with npd and automatically assume the author meant abusers that have narcissistic tendencies, not literally ALL narcissists 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️ But of course all I had to do was go back and reread that book title to realize how mistaken I was. Even the quote I took from the book writes about people with npd with an evil flair. I'm honestly embarrassed.

So whether you noticed this or not, I am so sorry and I'm going to work harder to recognize when that's happening. I do not agree with that at all.

I'm hoping to get back to posting again soon. In the future, I will do my best to not be ableist when I talk about my abuse, offer advice to others, and provide resources. Not that it's yalls job, but if you do notice that I've reblogged content from an ableist blog or something like that please feel free to let me know. I want to help, not alienate.

-B

#ableism#recovery#trauma#personality disorders#abuse#b talks#I'm pretty sure I've deleted all the posts that refer to narcissism as abuse#and I'm getting rid of the -narcissist abusers- tag entirely since there is no longer a need esp since it's ableist
abusednotraised
traumasurvivors
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borderlinereminders

You don’t have to be positive all the time to prove you’re trying or healing. It’s okay to just say “this fucking sucks right now”. No one is positive all the time, please don’t expect that of yourself. 

abusednotraised
catstrus
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catstrus

self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

#depression#mental illness#self care#catstrus#im still here yall just goin through a lot 😔
abusednotraised

Tw death mention

My sister is begging me to go to my nana's funeral. She says she will pay for my ticket and my partner's ticket. She said we can stay in her apartment. She says she won't even tell my parents that we're here. She even apologized for not being a good sister.

My first thought was, "wow...maybe our nana's death has made her see things differently." My second thought was, "as soon as I get to her place I'm gonna be emotionally supporting her and the rest of my family the entire time and I'm not about to do that."

Even if I wanted to go, we are still literally in the middle of a pandemic. I am not about to get on a plane and expose myself even more than I already am (I'm a delivery driver).

#b vents#trauma#abuse#narcissist abusers#toxic family#tw death mention#death mention tw#death tw#tw death