John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

this is an extremely exploitable stock photo

i was going to make other unrelated jokes but it turns out i had some anger to work through

guess we all have some thoughts about driving

Okay but:

SHUT UP

@shanoniusrex

Wow 🙊

She-Ra - First Look (x)

In the Italian city of Verona, local street artist Cibo paints colorful wall art full of appetizing food over neo-nazi graffiti (x)

“It’s my civic duty, and my right … honestly I feel like have a right to cover [erase] these kinds of things. Since I’m doing a public form of art, I have to take care of my city and … it’s like my own art gallery. How do you explain a swastika to a child? How do you do it? It’s impossible. It’s a racist message. And it’s not okay .”

he did That

Camera obscura, KangHee Kim

i don’t want to achieve equality by sinking to men’s level, i want them to get on ours! why should i have to unlearn the conversational art of waiting my turn, unlearn sexual self-restraint, unlearn trust in others’ good intentions, unlearn the impulse to cater to others’ needs, just to have a chance at success among savages? why can’t the men learn some fucking manners so we can all conduct our affairs in a civilized manner? i shouldn’t have to stop saying sorry, you say sorry!

In the 80s when I was in my freshman year in college, they still had entirely separate mens and women’s dorms. I was in class waiting for a final to start and one of the guys was telling someone about how he had had to go into a women’s dorm to drop something off, and he was startled to see posters on the walls, flowers, curtains, etc. He said his men’s dorm had holes in the walls, things on fire, fights, guys walking around with open wounds and he just didn’t understand why they had to live like this. He said, “I want to live with the women, in civilization.”

Am reading Sisterhood of Spies, about women working for the OSS during WWII. One of the stories mentions that the women in London had a male visitor who would eat in their mess hall once a month. He was married and wasn’t interested in hitting on any of the women; he just wanted to eat in an atmosphere where people said “Please pass the butter,” instead of “PASS THE GODDAMNED GREASE”

I dated a guy who brought me along on group activities (movies, video game night, etc.) with four or five other male friends. Once I mentioned to one of the other guys that I hoped I wasn’t intruding on their “guy time” or some such. He got this sort of rueful look and said, “The truth is, I really like it when you’re here because it gives us a reason to act better. When it’s just guys, we all have to try to outdo each other with how vile we are.”

So the moral of these stories are men don’t even treat each other like human beings.

Me to my 6-year-old son: “You seem to like playing with the girls at school more than the boys. Why do you think that is?”

6-year-old son: “Sometimes I just don’t want to be pushed. It hurts and is mean. And the girls always pretend to be princesses or fun animals and stuff when they have tea parties. The boys just dump the tea all over the place. That’s just stupid and I don’t like wasting all that tea. It takes forever to make.”

Me: “Wow, I can understand why you’d rather play with the girls. The boys seem like they’re kind of rough.”

6-year-old son: “And when I play with the girls they make me the king because none of the other boys want to play tea party.”

Me: “Do you like being the king?”

6-year-old son: “Not really – I’d rather be a wizard, but it makes Georgia and Vivian happy.”

Well, fuck me.

I’ve found it. 

I’ve found the purest post on this hellsite.

story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”

My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.

I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.

My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????

whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird

when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end

i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now

whenever anyone picks up my daughter or she goes upstairs, she announces “I ASCEND” it’s the best thing

Oooh nooo just what are you planning on teaching your sibling?

I recall @studiosaraeileen trying to teach hir baby “this administration is illegitimate!”

The auxiliary water pump on my car broke (the plastic rotted and cracked so it was spewing coolant everywhere) and the mechanic wanted me to pay $300 for a $150 part.

I went to an auto store and bought the part for just under $150 and was gonna have the mechanic install it until I called them back and they said they don’t install customer parts.

So I figured if they won’t install customer parts, they’ll at least fix existing problems with the vehicle.

So, naturally I poorly installed the new part myself, then took it to the mechanic saying I had coolant issues and wasn’t sure what the problem was. They fixed the problem in under 20 minutes and only charged me $30 for the labor.

Ho l y

Imma try that last one

I went to my doctor’s office and asked if they had any slots open for that day.  They told me they don’t take walk-ins, you have to call ahead for an appointment.

So I pulled out my phone and called the office.  The other receptionist answered the phone and the first one literally WATCHED ME say “I’d like to make an appointment today if you have any slots available.”

He said to me (on the phone) all they had available was for 9:00, could I make it in time?

I said “Yep, I’m standing right here.”

He didn’t understand what I meant and happily put my appointment down.

I hung up and said to the original receptionist, “Hi, I have an appointment in five minutes.”

She (very angrily) entered me as arrived and gave me my forms.

Yuriko Kotani /  Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central

just a dude & his skateboard

Reblog if you are 100% okay with a transgender person correcting you if you accidentally misgender them or use their dead name.

have you guys ever noticed how pretty the bi flag is???

Like, look at it

It looks like a sunset

just

#the sky is bi confirmed

You wanna get people to hate you? Just claim the whole fucking sky belongs to your favorite kink.

the sky belongs to bisexuals now sorry str8s

I have legal rights on the sky purely because you called my sexuality a “kink” you piece of shit. You’re legally not allowed to look at the sky any more. Fuck you.

When you reject religion but keep all the shitty politics associated with it.

“Racial realist”

racial + realist = racist.

Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 At the end of the human world, you will be baked. And then there will be cake. | PayPal | Patreon

AFSHEBENRM

Welcome -my ass- to the UK Mr. President

My favourite pictures so far

Trump has an 11% approval rating in Britain. Don’t be fooled by propaganda from the likes of the BBC or Fox, the majority despise him in London and the rest of the UK. 

the brits know a despot when they see one

that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her

He checked her pulse

Mom boat!!

“KIDS ARE YOU FIGHTING BACK THERE”

“I WILL TURN MYSELF AROUND”

THE MOTHERSHIP

I can’t help but reblog this every time it’s on my dash.