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A Bilateral

@abilateral

Yeah, no. Totally. We bilaterals, we’re all about evading death. That’s like, all we talk about, man.
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prokopetz

Tumblr's favourite types of Guy*:

  1. Guy with improbably specialised skills that just happen to be exactly what's needed
  2. Guy who knows a guy
  3. Guy who's normal about things about which it's not normal to be normal
  4. Guy who has no frame of reference
  5. Guy who should technically be dead, and it's honestly an excellent question why he's not
  6. Guy who's a big fan of substances
  7. Guy who puts together sequences of words that have never been heard before and should never be heard again
  8. Guy who's inexplicably always damp
  9. Guy who's the most annoying human being you've ever met, but like in a sexy way
  10. Guy with no kids who somehow has single father energy
  11. Guy who's competent, collected, and thoroughly put together, and who also has one extremely specific thing wrong with him
  12. Guy with fat fucking tits

* Note: a Guy is not necessarily a guy, though it helps

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abilateral

1. Seventeen, Twenty-Seven

2. Eleven

3. Grant

4. The Whole-Thing

5. Lucifer Vance, but also Grant if you think about it.

6. Grant

7. Azad

8. O(3) Shade [nonverbal scratching noise]

9. Hector Stein

10. Lucifer

11. Michael, Hector

12. Cordelia

#almost nowhere
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homunculus-argument

Thought-to-speech technology that gets hacked by people who want text messages from their pets while they are at work, only to immediately regret it because their pets text them the dumbest things, and the only way to get any kind of a clear image of what's going on is texting the other pets for cross-reference.

Like you get a text from your dog going "END IS HERE DOOM IS COMING URGENT URGENT SEND TEXT G-D HAVE MERCY, HUMAN COME HOME IMMEDIATELY", (you have no idea why the text translator has decided that your dog is jewish, but that doesn't feel important enough to look into or change) and before you do, you text the cat like "what's going on?"

And the cat replies "sunshine is turned off, window is cold >:C" so okay that's a clue. You've got a monitor lizard that doesn't do much monitoring, but will reply with whatever the lizard is feeling right now if you text "?" first.

"hwrmbglhlr the earth rumbles are sexy", replies the lizard. Okay, so dog panic, no sunshine, and the lizard is sensing vibrations. Oh, there's a rain storm overhead. Fuck's sake.

#almost nowhere#i suspect the beasts have additional concerns
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headspace-hotel

my mom is reading conspiracy stuff aloud off facebook again and I just heard "my fear is that microchipping pets will cause them to turn against their owners during the tribulation"

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headspace-hotel

My mom: "this is why it's not good to spend too much time alone on the internet"

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headspace-hotel

"They say 'climate change,' but this is Earth wobbling caused by the Red Dragon of Revelation."

Her crazy-finding powers are so far above my own.

#almost nowhere
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liefst

they should invent a language that is a direct channelling of reality rather than a self-contained system of arbitrary signifiers (words) that can only approximate but never reach the signified (the concept) itself

#almost nowhere
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quasi-normalcy

The strangest dream that I ever had was where I was talking to Strax the Sontaran from Doctor Who and he claimed that he had gotten into Christianity in a big way because he thought that it was "admirably cunning of humanity to lure their God down to Earth in a mortal body so that they could DESTROY HIM!"

#almost nowhere