I was just thinking about how in season 4 when we're seeing what Chazz, Alexis, and Syrus are experiencing after being absorbed by Darkness, we're seeing it through Atticus's eyes. We're seeing what he's seeing. Also it lingers on Chazz far longer than Alexis and Syrus. Granted he could be seeing more of them that we're not being shown but it really says something to me regardless. It always felt to me like Atty was more sad about Alexis and Syrus in that state but more hurt by seeing Chazz in that position if that makes any if at all sense.
I think because Chazz put up the strongest fight. He had to suffer more and was broken more thoroughly than they were at least with what we see it appears that way. Chazz being stuck in a time loop, nothing he can do to change the outcome no matter what he does only to end up back to the beginning again, driven to desperation to break free to the point where he cheats in the duel and fully breaks down, completely loses his will to go on, and surrenders to his fate. Just the sad, tired, and yet relieved laugh and the defeated smile on his face before he gives up is just devastating. And with how close he and Atticus are at that point, even with Alexis in this situation I can just feel his anguish season 3 calling 👀 not being able to help his boyfriend and just having to watch him suffer in such a through and profound way.
Also Alexis's doesn't hit nearly as hard because we never really see anything from her that suggests that she has the desire to be a teacher or feelings of inadequacy and worrying that she isn't worthy of showing people the joys of dueling and all that until season 4, and even then not until basically that point if not shortly before. It's been a little bit since I've watched season 4 I might be a bit fuzzy on some details, but I digress. Watching her suffer hurts, and you know it kills Atticus. It has to completely destroy him he loves her so much, seeing her tormented and in distress like that and having to just stand by and observe? Soul crushing. But hers is the least devastating for me because there's no build to it. There's nothing leading to any culmination of these feelings for her, but especially in comparison to Chazz, her section falls flat in terms of emotional devastation.
And Syrus is my favorite character and literally anything remotely upsetting that goes on for him devastates me to no end, but in terms of it hurting Atticus, they never really were shown interacting all that much and I never got the impression that they were too terribly close. But Atty loves and values and cherishes every single person he's ever known, Syrus is still very precious to him, and especially being the little brother of his former best friend. And watching him have to suffer and deal with the crushing weight of keeping Zane alive and carrying on his dreams all your closets of backlogged dreams and how you left them all to me 😭 and also the fear of coming home to find his brother dead? The pain that would put in Atticus's heart has to be immeasurable.
But above all of it, I always felt like Chazz hurt him the most. All of them ripped his heart into shreds, and then smaller and smaller shreds as it went on, but Chazz needed help the most. Needed him the most.