pick one you bald genderless idiot

A job I was applying for mentioned I would be working with something called a “frosted flatwoods salamander”, which sounded positively delightful, so I looked them up and I could not be more pleased with what this beast looks like

Having the time of ferret’s life!

the thrill of finding out what you were made for

#do you think most people are so domesticated they have yet to find their bowl of snow?#people who’s talents lie somewhere outside all this#such as digging really nice holes

these tags did something to me

my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

"My liege, I'm afraid I have reason to believe your concubine plots against you. Worry not, your eminence, you can still trust me, of course..."

people can NOT be normal about sid… i need to get a sports journalist job where i write about him like he’s some sacred mythical beast too

It's kind of tragic how homophobia affects insecure men.

Like sometimes they want to experiment with a bit of anal and instead of just buying a sex toy and some lube like a normal person, they instead shove random objects up their ass that inevitably get stuck and then they try to get them out by themselves which makes things worse and then they lie to doctors about it and like this all leads to all kinds of extra complications like internal damage, risk of infections, bleeding, the fall of Yugoslavia, etc.

Come on guys, just buy a dildo. It's way safer and it leads to way fewer problems.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol* moon’s stuck in a time loop. do you have extra ammo? this won’t be enough. nasa employee: enough for…what? astronaut: *finding extra clip of ammo, pocketing it, and getting back on the rocket-ship* don’t worry about it!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *emerging from supply closet with a space harpoon, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut:   oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: what?  nasa employee: how did you know what i was going to say?  astronaut: *punching in key pad code for base evacuation signal, getting back on the rocket-ship* i told you…moon’s stuck in a time loop. *red warning lights begin flashing*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *rifling thru bookshelf of operating instructions, selecting one that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. hey, do you have anything to eat? i’m starving. *opens random drawer, finds nothing, closes it* nasa employee: a time loo- uh, we don’t have food in here…we can’t…eat in the control room, only the break-room. astronaut: *sighs* nasa employee:…my lunch is in like 10 minutes, though, and if my lunch is actually STILL THERE and not STOLEN, AGAIN, i can share it with yo- astronaut: nah, that’s ok…no time. *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* or…too much time. but thanks, anyway. OK, bye! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: you’re…welcome? wait, a TIME LOOP?!

@pillowspace

I planned on saying how I find it funny that people just tag me in any time loop posts, but the more I read on, the more and more related it felt to time loop au

Odysseus watching Achilles absolutely mutilate Hector's corpse

God I really wish carrying stuffed animals around with you was socially acceptable

I don’t mean to take over a post, but I actually did a project on this for my sociology of deviance class in college!

I carried a large stuffed rabbit whenever I went in public for about a week to observe the reaction of others. The point of the project was to do something harmless yet unusual to see if the action would be considered deviant, in which case someone had to try to correct or shame the behavior.

Long story short, nobody tried to correct my behavior. I was asked about it casually, had a few lingering stares thrown my way and when I was with my boyfriend, shop employees would direct questions to him instead of me. However, nobody refused to assist me when I was alone in a store, nobody said anything about the rabbit besides “oh, thats a cute bunny!” and I attended college classes without even a teacher questioning it.

In conclusion, it is socially acceptable to carry a stuffed animal, its just not a societal norm. ^^

#for followers with a big anxiety or self hate problem #bring a friend with you (via @kingdom-for-muses)

DOING IT

My friend gave me a stuffed monkey plushy when I was struggling with uni, and I took him everywhere for like four years, usually velcrod to my backpack. No one said a damn thing, except my renaissance professor who saw it one day in the hallway and cracked the fuck up because I had a literal monkey on my back and he just looked at me like, “oh god, me too”. I used to leave him on desks during classes and exams (the monkey, not my prof). It was my reminder that someone cared if I was coping. But more than that it was soothing to have something to fidget with that wasn’t a pen. I used to ping those fucking things across the room I was so agitated. Harder to hurt people with a projectile stuffed monkey.

I got what I thought was a normal screen cleaning kit for my computer while I was in college. Much to my delight, instead of a little washcloth or whatever, the kit came with a tiny stuffed pig. 

So I carried this pig in my backpack all through college, periodically taking it out, spraying my screen, and using the pig to wipe it off. 

Now, I kept the pig in the side pocket of my bag where he was completely visible.

Then one day in screenwriting class I pulled him out to wipe my screen. 

One of the guys sitting next to me looked appalled. “You’re wiping it off with your little stuffed animal??” 

I explained what the pig was. 

Turns out, the guy had noticed it and just thought it was adorable I carried a stuffed animal with me every day. He’d never mentioned it before. 

Honestly, people do not care, and will not say anything. No matter the reason for your little stuffed animal friend. 

And if you’re still really nervous about it keep a stuffed animal keychain on your bag. I have a cute little frog that stays on my backpack so when work gets stressful I can squeeze it.

For my anxious followers.

Confirmed. I take my Venom tsum tsum to uni when I need a little mental boost. The little goo always brings me good luck and overall makes my day just a tiny bit better. I haven’t received a single comment about them so far.

Bring your stuffed buddies to class/work/whatever, guys. People don’t care.

I have a couple of Ikea sharks* and have had cause to periodically carry them around in public - one of which I bought with the last $15 I had at the time, after making a series of big life changes. “This is frivolous and I don’t have to care about that because I’m getting paid shortly—I’m going to do it!”

The reactions I get range from amusement through delight and “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT” but so far, never disapproval.

The moral of the story is Carry Your Emotional Support Plushie With Pride, You Deserve It.

*pictured: not my shark

true story: I once had an appallingly awful day at the hell job and it coincided with my giant squishy Baymax being delivered from China, and no lie I hugged on that Baymax to keep from crying until it was time to leave

I travel with DC (”Don’t Care”) the Emotional Support Honey Badger.  I go through TSA with him attached to my backpack, I hug him when I sleep in transit, I prop him next to me in cafes in cities, towns, and rural areas.  The only time anyone’s ever so much as raised an eyebrow at me was the TSA agent who recognized what he was, and asked it he could get his picture taken with him.

People don’t judge.  Kids think you’re awesome. You get a companion who never judges you.  It’s all win.

I know probably everyone has seen this post already, but its too good not to reblog.

Don’t be afraid to carry your comfort items around with you! :D I take some of my stuffed friends to work sometimes, and no one ever bats an eye at them!

*looks at my pink teddy bear I named Ruby* you’re coming to college with me and that’s not a choice

This post made me cry bcuz sometimes i feel bad for having stuffed animals/plushies

i needed this a lot

Don’t f*** with Raymond: He threw a lamp at another student and told them to “lighten the F*** up”.

HE LEETLE FEETSYS

very glad to see this post reduced everyone else mental capacity for communication as well

Go check out ADHDinos for more painfully relatable comics!

he bakes his boys mini loaves of banana bread and wraps them up pretty 🥹

Okay this is just getting funny now

it is with a heavy heart that i must inform y’all that most of the apostles, including our boy judas, are locked behind paywalls

Honestly the idea of conversing with Judas has me on the ceiling

"bears repeating" and "time flies" are two kinds of creatures that fill similar ecological niches

guy: my wife died from cancer very slowly dean:

microdosing in living in the 80s by smoking on my porch without my phone and thinking about the cold war

jelly

___

day 651

@markscherz who is this raspberry and cream boy

This is Epipedobates anthonyi, a common dart frog in greenhouses, kept for biological pest control and the delight of tumblrians.