“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted

pre covid you could make a room of freshmen laugh with a video of griffin mcelroy sayin todd howard repeatedly. now you gotta kill someone. You have to kill someone.

an atheist ghost. they refuse to move on to the afterlife on the grounds that the afterlife does not and should not exist

they only respond to ouija board summonings in order to lecture people for participating in non-evidence-based belief systems

exorcisms dont work cause they dont believe in them.

“yeah sure I could ‘go into the light’ as you so eloquently put it, but let’s be analytical about this. worst-case scenario, the afterlife is real and I get cast into some version of Hell for being a nonbeliever. slightly better-case scenario, it’s a reincarnation-based afterlife, which means I end up having to do the whole Existence thing all over again, which frankly seems like a huge roll of the dice. enormously risky, given the low quality of life many people experience, and that’s setting aside philosophical issues of identity, e.g. without the memories and experiences that shaped me, would I even still technically exist as a version of myself I could identify? reincarnation aside, let’s bear in mind there’s no actual evidence there’s even a so-called ‘afterlife’ waiting on the other side–for all we know, my consciousness will just dissolve into nonexistence. again, huge roll of the dice. and even in the best-case scenario? wherein I somehow pass an Arbitrary Morality Test I didn’t sign up for and get accepted into some sort of magical Heaven or whatever? well. consider it from my point of view. all of a sudden I’d be a member of a strange and unfamiliar society, subject to a completely new set of rules and regulations that I probably don’t get a say in. Is ‘Heaven’ a democracy? will I still have access to free will? will I have meaningful choices regarding lifestyle and occupation? what do the holy books say about that, huh? I could be forced to spend a literal eternity worshiping a deity who has made some extremely questionable and problematic decisions regarding the universe. I’m not signing up for that! how is that any better than my current situation? listen buddy, I spent 80 years living in a capitalist hellhole before death Itself finally freed me from all the obligations and restrictions of modern existence. I don’t work, I don’t pay rent or taxes, I just wander from place to place keeping my own schedule, doing my own thing, beholden to neither laws nor peer pressure. as purgatories go, that’s a pretty sweet deal! and what guarantee do I have that any damned afterlife is going to be more tolerable than my current not-existence, huh? none! none whatsoever. skeptic? damn right I’m skeptic! not to mention this whole Heaven-and-Hell dichotomy seems extremely manipulative if not outright abusive, as moral systems go. that’s no way to parent a species! nope. just, nope. this whole religious afterlife nonsense sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary stress and risk. I’m perfectly comfortable staying right where I am, thanks ever so, so you can tell your exorcist to write that out in latin and shove it up his ass”

“the power of christ compels ME?” bitch just because YOU choose to subscribe to a oppressively christian-centric world view doesn’t mean I have to dedicate my afterlife to following the rules of your false gods. if you’re so desperate to get smoke blown up your ass i’m happy to help you shove that thurible way on up there

You understand the spirit of this post.

hold on i need to look up what a thurible is

ok so unfortunately that’s hilarious

everyone in the notes is calling it a butt plug because this hellish.site is populated by naught but heretics heathens and happy-go-lucky blasphemers, exactly how i prefer it

literally my favorite type of tweet

The Muppet Show (1976), “Vincent Price”

who the fuck is this man im seeing him everywhere

its bigfoot. and i doubt youre seeing him everywhere since his kind are endangered.

oh heck I forgot to reblob this this year.

happy april fools. please take this egg

hahahahahha………………..

youve been fooled………………by the april fools beeper……………..it was a fully grown bird the entire time…..no egg………………it tells u it hopes u hav a good april 1st

Ive had this saved since last year

unfortunately I’m watching supernatural and someone on screen said ‘there are No Wolves in pennsylvania’ and I was like. what a bold incorrect statement. where did they possibly get that idea from. so I googled it…google is insisting there are no wild wolves in pa?? except I’ve Seen wolves here?? there used to be a wolf that would hang out in my backyard and roam around the neighborhood?? like Everyone knew about this wolf we assumed he lived on the golf course and would come to our yards if he got spooked by golfers (very quiet block). like we all thought he just lost his pack or whatever so people just gave him a wide space and let him chill, he didn’t try to break into any houses or attack any pets but this was definitely. a wild wolf. where. where did he come from what do you MEAN there aren’t wolves in pennsylvania I’m literally spiraling right now

still feeling so gut-punched over this

To be fair, PA also said “we did not reintroduce mountain lions, they are not there, you’re seeing really big house cats, please keep coming to the parks and camp sites and ignore that video, that was totally not a mountain lion, someone took last week”

okay I’m sorry but this came up on pinterest and I Screamed

you are the state of Pennsylvania (allegedly)

i just showed this to a friend from pennsylvania and 1. theyre losing their mind bc theyve seen mountain lions which prompted them to look it up which leads me to 2. this fucking bonkers article

[caption: “We’ve been here 45 years and I’ve probably been told by people at least 100 t imes that they’ve seen a cougar or mountain lion,” said owner Vince Hall. “I kind of doubt they saw a cougar, but I’m not God.”]

PA: I can’t believe we’ve lost all our native apex predators Citizens of PA: there’s a mountain lion right there PA: sometimes we can still hear the sound of them scaring away tourists

…PA has fucking EMUS and you want me to believe we have no wolves or mountain lions?

what the fuck do you mean we have emus

http://emusontheridge.com/ https://www.abc27.com/news/us-world/strange/update-runaway-perry-county-emu-found-after-seven-months-on-the-run/

Guys, I’ve cracked it

This thing goes all the way to the top

what the fuck is happening in pennsylvania

As a regretful born and raised Pennsylvanian, we have wolves, coywolves, mountain lions, lynx, and coyotes. Not a single person in authority will admit to there being anything but coyotes and lynx. If you see a cougar, they will tell you you saw a lynx. If you see a wolf, they will tell you you saw a coyote. Ignore the massive differences in sizes. No one knows what a coywolf is but we have them. I have seen a cougar with my own two goddamned eyes. There is an entire nature park whose main attractions are the cougars and wolves (and bison but we’re not talking about them) - it’s called Penn’s Cave, it’s been there forever. Everyone I know has seen a cougar or wolf at least once in the woods.

So what I’m getting at is don’t trust the government.

upgrade 

Shalom-ies!

so this picture of an ai combination of every serial killer into one person is currently going viral on twitter, despite the fact that it isn’t an ai combination of every serial killer into one person and is in fact just a picture of jerma with his shirt photoshopped to say ‘red sex’, im going insane

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.

Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

IT BETTER NOT BOUNCE OR YOU’RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER

And if you think racism ended already, at what point during this did it end?

Bimbo (honorific)

Genius

this is exactly what having adhd is like

And no, adjusting for inflation doesn't account for that difference. I was a kid when it was $170. Most of what people now pay towards rent is strictly someone else's profit somewhere, the cost several times higher than necessary because it just legally can be, because nothing at all stops it from jumping up other than the fact that jumping up *all at once* wouldnt be "competitive."

US minimum wage in 1985 was 3.25 per hour.

It's now 2.23 times what it was then. (7.25 divided by 3.25 = 2.23076923077)

2.23076923077 times a rent of 170 = 379.230769231.

Meaning if rent had only inflated as much as minimum wage, rent in NYC would be $379.23 today.

Who do you know in New York City whose rent is $379.23? I lived in a town in Iowa that was losing population rapidly, and the cheapest I heard of THERE was $600 - on the side of town whose school didn’t have doors on the bathroom stalls.

Unlike rent, minimum wage only grows when the US government, which is now so beholden to corporate interests it basically is one, raises it.

I wonder why politicians whose job it is to keep corporate donors happy might not agree to raise the wages those corporations have to pay?

It’s probably because they care so much about the workers of America. 

Anyway, all landlords are bastards and the minimum wage is ridiculously low compared to our costs of living because the politicians are bastards too.