u don't like kitty and puppy? 🐈 meow? 🐕 bark?

Beyond parody that conservatives see a study saying "perhaps we should provide animal companionship to college kids?" and immediately respond with "NOOO PUNISH THEM! HURT THEM! SLAP THEM!"

Their whole ideology is built on normalized cruelty to the point that having cats give college kids some semblance of companionship and affection seems like a radical act that they cannot abide. Like, jesus christ. If you saw a kid asking their parents for a pet and the parents said they should get a slap instead so they don't turn into a "beta", you would not think that's okay or normal. You'd probably recognize pretty quickly that that is abuse and you'd probably call CPS on those parents if you could.

The "I want to hurt people, especially vulnerable people" side of the political spectrum

Republicans claim to be tough on crime. But Republicans also balked at a study that showed that giving prisoners cats greatly reduced recidivism.

Republicans whined that prisoners were being rewarded, while ignoring that many of these men were given companionship and responsibility. According to one man in the study (and I'm paraphrasing), "I can't do anything bad to increase my sentence. I need to keep my nose clean so I can provide my cat with a good home. If I get arrested, they'll take him away and he not end up with a family who loves him." Prisoners were avoiding crimes for their cats, but Republicans considered cats a reward instead.

They want people to suffer.

The cruelty is the point.

The cruelty is the point.

It's always the point for them.

MORE TINTIN HEADCANNONS CAUSE IM BORED (if you don't like then just simply scroll by and let me enjoy my bliss please and thank you)

K that's all for now byeeeee

Ok, but hear me out

Tintin and Poirot.

Two Belgians set around the same time, both fighting and solving crimes and going to ridiculous places to do it

But think of how hilarious the dynamic would be

You have Poirot, who takes careful precision and time and perfection in everything, who thinks and uses those little grey cells of his to figure out every detail, every possible error

And then you have Tintin, the teenager with the dog who will spontaneously decide to fly a plane to goodness knows where chasing after rumours and barely thinking before running into danger head-on and somehow still wins a gunfight with no gun while still being a completely logical person who completely baffles literally everyone

It would be hilarious and iconic

"Now, Monsieur Tintin, if you are going to sleuth about, please take the utmost care and use those very intelligent grey cells of yours that you often forget you have and please, mon cher ami, leave the dog. He will make noise."

"The dog's name is Milou, and he goes everywhere with me."

"He will ruin our plans. You cannot tame a wild animal; they get in the way and get you in trouble."

"... well, if I am to be honest I get myself in trouble and Milou is the one who gets me out of it-"

"Good gracious boy, remind me why I decided to work with you again?"

"Because I'm Belgian and I've never failed a case?"

"How you have not I still do not know."

"I beg your pardon I handle myself absolutely fine!"

"You go into gun fights without a gun."

"And? I'm still alive to tell the tale, aren't I?"

"Miraculously."

Of course the cases always go mostly smoothly (though there are several times Tintin is accused because he was, as usual, in the wrong place at the wrong time and when Poirot isn't stressing over Tintin's childish yet effective recklessness, they have a nice cup of tea and talk about human psyche and behaviour while eating cake.

Also, Poirot is very happy because Tintin is one of the few people who says his name correctly

The joy is reciprocal when Poirot calls him with the Belgian pronunciation of Tintin (it sounds more like a nasal tantahn, it's hard to explain) and they have great fun discussing in French about their adventures

It would be so fun honestly

The characters but silly face

Two talking cats

(via)

Li Guijun - In an Unguarded Moment

I’m not a classicist, but I suspect one of the reasons so many of the Greek gods are portrayed so unflatteringly was less because they were seen as villains than because they represented their domains.  Of course Zeus sometimes misuses his power, that’s what a king does.  Of course Artemis’s wrath is wild and painful, that’s what nature can be.  Of course Hades snatched away a young girl from her mother’s arms, that’s what death does.  This is one of the reasons callout posts for some gods comparing them negatively to ‘nicer’ gods are kind of missing the point.

as someone who is partially a classicist, this is a better analysis of Greek mythology as a whole than 99.95% of the takes I’ve seen on here (and a substantial number of the takes I’ve seen in ~academia~)

Third wheeling

(via)

y’all hear me out: quiet, gentle giant Bruce Wayne

my man spends ALL NIGHT kicking ass, i just feel like in his every day (especially after Dick and the rest of the kids come into the picture) he just wants everything to be quiet and chill??

i don’t mean bumbling like Clark, but just a dude who likes to sit and listen. always thoughtful in his answers. that kind of thing. if he bumps into you, he quietly but sincerely apologizes.

like i just see Bruce at a gala. hulking, buff, in a fancy ass suit. and he’s just quietly mingling as he’s supposed to, nodding and thoughtfully discussing other philanthropic opportunities.

when he sits down and baby Dick Grayson clambers into his lap, Bruce can be seen holding him so gently and speaking with him quietly. the other attendees whisper to each other, wondering what they must be talking about.

Bruce sitting in board meetings, silent, until he interjects with something insightful and helpful.

i just think that a dude who has to spend all night being angry (for lack of a better phrase), kicking ass, giving orders and strategizing, and protecting all of his kids?? he comes home and just wants to be quiet and listen and think and take up as little space as possible.

i just love Bruce Wayne.

... this is true, but also now I am writing the movie in my head. 

It’s about two once-legendary heroes who are dragged out of retirement by a new and terrible threat. Nobody shows up to drag them, they just keep waiting for someone else to deal with it and then they find out a bunch of ‘chosen heroes’ (IE kids) have died and they’re all ‘... well, fuck,’ and dig out their hidden weapons and drag their asses out to do the job, complaining the whole time. 

Then they run into each other and anyone around is all ‘... oh no they were Enemies now they will fight each other instead of the greater threat’ and instead they just grunt a hello and go straight into bitching about how TOTALLY UNFAIR it is that they have to do this at their advanced age, do you realize I still have a dud hip after that one time, oh yeah, let me tell you what that other asshole did to my *spine*, and they’re just standing there complaining like two tired dads who’ve been called out at three in the morning to do something they don’t want to do at all..

Then they go off, rescue the latest batch of heroes, eliminate the threat, then hand over their magic/super/whatever weapons to the kids and are all ‘DON’T MAKE US DO THIS AGAIN’ and go home. Final scene is them both sitting on a porch, drinking a beer and *still* complaining. But now they have each other.

Aliens, dragons, Trump, it doesn’t matter what the threat  or indeed the genre is, it would still be great. 

@elidyce I feel like they need to child safety lock the Chosen Heros(tm) in the back of their car. Casually treat them like the kids/teens the ARE? And after like that first panicked "no! We Have To Do This! They told us only WE can do it!" Moment? They kids are like..... "actually, yes please, Grumpy Adult Authority Man, I WOULD like the burger and juice box now."

They're like ducklings. It's horrifying. Go do a training trip and learn the power of friendship of something, stop eating my food! (They will not. They fuckin imprinted on you grouchy old bastards. This is what you get for be Responsible.) They are like knife weilding racoons.

And like it ends with a panning shot of Chosen One Fight Club Rules(tm). No kids, get out when you can, learn to fucking dodge. Fin?

Either way I'd watch the heck out of it.

Yes, *yes*, this is even better. 

There’s three young heroes sitting in the back of a volvo or an old cart or a grimy old spaceship being harangued for falling for this shit and given nourishing snacks while these two legendary rivals are bitching about their bad backs and aching feet while casually navigating through asteroid fields or troll ambushes or whatever and the kids are all ‘... this is not at all how we thought any of this would go, but I guess we have two dads now?’ 

The final shot of the two old heroes with their grumbling and their beer then pans out to show the kids in the middle of a Proper Training Session because apparently nobody’s doing THOSE anymore and the responsibility NEVER ENDS. 

Last line: No, no, hold it *higher*. Yeah, like that. *pause* Now go get me another beer. 

Can we add Lucy Lawless or Michelle Yeoh to this? They are both iconic and age-appropriate action heroes as well.

I think we should add both. They’re both ex-girlfriends of one or both of the heroes (back when they were all young and sitll figuring stuff out), but have now been happily married to each other for at least twenty years. They’ve stayed in touch. Their kids call both heroes ‘uncle’. 

The middle-aged lesbians think it’s hilarious that these two mopey old codgers have acquired a group of young heroes and there’s a Big Family Dinner scene in which they all give each other crap and the young heroes are all ‘... this is absolutely wild and also the best night of my life’. 

New software update for foreskin users just launched

Something something boyfriend something something 3am

God's perfect killing machine.

Idiot.

God's perfect idiot

Sword Illustrations by Ma-Ko (2018-21)

@we-are-knight

world’s best dad 

some eldy ring (credited to my twitter because I’m lazy)

My printer decided to perfect its postmodernist cut-up technique instead of actually printing my notes

I have titled these “what have you done, you absolute piece of shit” (left) and “?????????” (right), please enjoy

house of leaves aesthetic

the most Guy ever