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Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. A good life is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure. Btw

Priorities

we’re submitting fucked up bread now? this was supposedly banana bread.

the fact that this thing rose, burned, and then sank is so so fucking funny. how did you do that

ok explanation.

i found a VERY old sunbean bread machine with an instruction book with recipes. i decided to try the banana one. it required yeast which i thought was odd since banana bread isnt a yeast bread. i waited like four hours and then this came out of the machine.

yeah ok. whatever. did you have to finger it though?

and jesus is there

wjdbkaskdhdjajAkdhzkja;kedhksbdjd

the fucking gorilla glue logo looks like an ad for gorillas. it has nothing to do with glue

IM FUCKING SCREAMING THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO COUNTER THE "BIG OIL" THING AND BIG GREEN SOUNDS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS WHAT IS THIS

Him.

she unzipped my pants but my peanus was shy and ran away

@ghosttiel its too late….

Synchronized clucks

could be us

You know they had the craziest sex that night

to them its just regular sex

mood

i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can’t just say “if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie” bc my brain is like “…..or u could just have one right now” and i can’t argue with that logic

Self-imposed deadlines don’t work either because I know the guy who set them and he’s full of shit

This is going around again, so I should say, I was wrong when I wrote this.

Actually, I know the girl who set them and she’s full of shit

Congrats on the gender. Get well soon with the executive dysfunction

OH MY GOD

(from @me-ndel​)