Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

Was golf created for the sole purpose of hoarding ridiculously large amounts of land just to brag about how little they use it?

Yes, literally.

hits the bong and immediately becomes aware of the narrative

hits the bong again and looks directly at the camera knowingly

this is how eve got expelled from Eden

I like how bong can mean both penis and that big vertical disk that makes a lot of noise.

that's dong and gong. bong means neither of those things

This edible (fruit from the tree of knowledge) ain’t doing shit.

I’m naked.

I think the reason that I tend to gravitate towards some of the censored queer relationships in media (e.g. Korrasami or Victuuri) is that their writers can’t fall back on boring romance tropes like kissing or sex to support the claim that their characters are in love. Instead, we are given these intricate, slow romances that rely on soft touches and kind words and sparkling eyes and it just feels so much more real to me. I just want to thank all that writers who have faced the constraints of the censor and took it as a challenge to reinvent the way we portray love. Thank you for showing us as beautiful and visible.

I finally switched to firefox and I've seen a lot of posts about the effortless importing of preferences from chrome and how it's important to support non-chromium platforms, but nobody is talking about the loss of productivity that happens when beautiful women come to your house to kiss you on the mouth because they heard you use firefox now. nobody's talking about this

yall get ur bfs video games, and I get mine Legos😂

She gave that man the zoomies

Always reblog the lego zoomies boyfriend!

@polyhedral42 !!!

Boring old werewolf instincts:

Sexual jealousy

Constant aggression

Rigid hierarchy

Must win sports

Homophobia And Sexism Is Normal™

Eat people

Cool new werewolf instincts:

There is no five second rule

Corvids are friends

Hang out as a pack

Karaoke

Gotta pee

Also consider:

Separation anxiety

Unconditional love and loyalty

Being able to sleep in almost any situation or position

Irresistible urge to chase squirrels and rabbits

Hating the vacuum cleaner

Wanting to do everything with friends

Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door

Long, shouted conversations to other werewolves across the neighborhood (bonus points at 2am)

Taking advantage of any and all free food

Werewolf-vampire solidarity

Fighting any animal that trespasses into the backyard

Boundless energy

Too much energy

Eating out of the trash if it smells tasty

Being bad at sports because you don’t want to let anyone else take the ball from you. Then destroying the ball in front of everyone because you want to make a point

Trying to fight things 10x your size like a fucking idiot

Being unable to hold a grudge for more than a few hours

Trying to make people feel bad for you over mundane things that aren’t actually that bad. And somehow succeeding.

Snoring

Needing to try a bit of your friends’ food, even if you’ve tried it 5645674 times before and have never once liked it

Getting way too friendly with random strangers

Being in a love-hate relationship with water

Digging. For no reason.

Thinking you’re a badass despite being a hyperactive ball of emotions and hedonism

Loud sobbing while pressing yourself up against the sliding glass door at your friends who locked you out because they were tired of your bullshit and wanted some goddamn peace and quiet

Okay this one is a gem:

“ Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door “

No alpha/beta/omega werewolves because science figured out LONG ago that that concept is, for wolves, incorrect.

@margoteve @followmetoyourdoom

So most of these are very dog oriented, which makes sense to me, since dogs are just wolves that have co-evolved with us for thousands and thousands of years BUT I wanted to add a few that are wild wolf based:

I’ve been looking for the one with the wolf-aspects added for a while and I found it again! Reblogging for A+ extra wolfy content!

@theosartisticthematics

I love love love everything about this

@dserpentes

https://tapas.io/episode/1559785

I really hated this girl in my class and we kept exchanging notes with various threats of violence on them but then on a Zoom call I saw that she kept a bunch of them pinned on her wall with little hearts around them and I got the biggest crush on her after that.

if i see a single one of you pissed that your faves canceled an event or a con appearance because they're striking for fair wages then imma come for you in your sleep 🔪🔪🔪

thinking about them today

and then there would have passed a pleasant slash fanfiction, had the authors misogyny not been immediately unveiled

in our rush for “he would not fucking say that” how we forget the all too common: She Is Not Fucking Like That

good morning, the likes on this post now outnumber the hit count of the fanfiction on which this was based and with your help we can make that true of the reblogs amen

Funnily enough, moths don’t actually head towards light, they hold it in a particular compound eye as they fly. With extremely distant light sources like the moon and some stars, this helps them navigate in a relatively straight line. With close light sources though, this results in them orbiting the light in a circle which has a tendency to spiral inward. To disastrous consequences.

However I propose that this would actually make for an excellent intuitive ability for a moth captain, allowing them to maintain appropriate distance from a lighthouse while navigating into a bay.

a pony with a cutie mark shaped like the elephant's foot has just clocked in for the first time at equestria's nuclear power plant

Every single person I know who did football in high school, without exception, has a chronic injury. Many regret what it's done to their knees and back, even major organs like the brain.

There is no serious legislative push to ban high school football.

Also, like, if you want to talk about social pressure on minors to undertake activities that will result in regrettable, irreversible damage to their bodies:

No one, *ever*, tried to persuade me to transition.

My gym teacher tried to persuade me to try out for the football team almost every single day that I was in junior high.

And if you had asked me, even back then, whether I would rather lose my reproductive capacity or suffer irreversible brain damage, I know that I would have chosen the former without a second's hesitation.

It is an actual fact that 99.9% of football players have some sort of brain damage, not to mention other bodily injuries.

Football is fundamentally a brutal sport that rapidly degrades cerebral function and mobility.

It shouldn’t be a sport and it definitely shouldn’t be a high school sport.

I recently talked about this with my close friends, actually. I did not really have friends growing up bc of my disabilities, indigenous background, and my parents refusal to let me go to church. I made a couple towards Junior High & Highschool and one was a boy I liked Very Much.

He wasn't popular, which was great for me bc everyone Hated Me bc my dad wasn't visibly white like them. We def had a crush on each other and hung out alot. He was the sweetest freakin guy you ever met, a real himbo.

Well. He wanted to go to college, but his family was poor. When you discuss this issue you need to bring up the fact that young people are manipulated into joining football by having help towards college funding dangled over their heads.

He joined the football team so he could try to go to college.

He never got to go to college.

I never got to go out with him.

Because of a serious injury he suffered during a match that gave him a concussion and permanent brain damage. He was 16. I never got to see him, again. I don't even know if he is alive. I think about him often with a broken heart. Heh. Ha... ha..

That's such an important fucking point.

It's not just pressured-- it's almost a fucking necessity for a lot of people.

Sports scholarships in general, but it's most egregious with football, because of the disproportionately high risk of serious, lasting injury or death and the massive amount of popular pressure.

Military involvement, as well. JROTC. Recruiting with promises of paying for college education.

All of this is seen as normal, praiseworthy.

But providing resources for trans youth to take steps to realize their identity is seen as reprehensible, with the paper-thin argument made of "what if they end up regretting it?"

Better to live to regret it, than to die of a TBI or getting blown up in a pointless fucking conflict that they never should have been pushed to take part in.

And don't get me started on military drafting.

apparently europeans have the impression that US Americans never learn the metric system.

like our science curriculum from day one is entirely done in the metric system. we just don't use metric in our day to day lives.

yeah actually we kinda just do it for the bit :)

I have had people try to gently and kindly explain to me the workings of the metric system, as if Americans are having trouble with the concept of a base ten system. like no. we get it. we were taught this when we were like eight. it's just that like. we don't really wanna do it that way. for the bit.

"bears repeating" and "time flies" are two kinds of creatures that fill similar ecological niches

i love it when people end their dumbass points with a snappy one-liner that is technically true but in the complete opposite direction they intended

"i only concussed myself on a bike once and it wasn't even as bad as the time i walked directly into a metal pole" is not the supporting argument you seem to think it is

Man, having the seatbelt debate in 2023 except it’s over bicycle helmets? Did not expect this to be the discourse, I’m gonna be honest.

Susan Kare, the Artist who designed many of the fonts, icons, and images for Apple, NeXT, Microsoft, and IBM, 1980′s

#oh is it time to repost this susan kare photo again

Important addition y’all

Re: writers' and actors' strikes

I'll say it here rather than burying it in various tags again:

Always remember that the people hoarding the money can make the strike stop at any time.

And they, the studios and streaming services, want you to forget that their profit hoarding is the problem. They're the reason this is happening, not the writers and actors.

You can't see that movie you wanted because a studio is clutching a fistful of nickels. They can afford to pay writers and actors--large collectives of not-famous workers--something even a little bit closer to fairly. But they are determined not to, with the cruelest resolve. An unnamed executive said, and I quote exactly this time, "The endgame is to allow things to drag on until [writers'] union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses."

Get mad that you won't get your movies and shows.

Get mad at the right people.

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