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@a-box-of-cats / a-box-of-cats.tumblr.com

9/10 baby boomers say i'm funny

not enough fantasy settings talk about street food like c'mon there was street food in ancient times across basically every culture lemme see what weird snacks you can buy off a guy in an alleyway

Loving reminder from your land history auntie:

North American golf courses have had 50-100 years of arsenic and mercury based fungicide and herbicides applied to their soils.

Do not eat anything that has been grown on a golf course or downstream from a golf course. I know it sounds cool and radical, but you are too valuable to poison yourself with heavy metals.

Protect each other, turn your local golf course into a pollinator garden, not a sex forest or community garden.

Grow sunflowers on your poisoned land, for at least five years if not a decade. Do not eat the seeds. Collect the long stalks and treat them like nuclear waste. The sunflower stalks will remove the heavy metals from the soil.

Test your soil before growing food!!!

when gerard way sings "the broken, the beaten, and the damned" and when kermit the frog sings "the lovers, the dreamers, and me" they're talking about the same people btw

As someone who’s living with a middle school social studies teacher, all the posts along the lines of “why did we never learn about this historical event in school” just make me go “because your teacher was supposed to cover all of US history in one year, and they didn’t get to the Revolutionary War until Halloween because they were urged to slow down the progression of the lessons because a more senior teacher was running behind, and they didn’t get to the Civil War until Valentine’s Day because the school kept scheduling every special event during social studies because there’s no end-of-grade testing for that subject, and they didn’t get to WWI until May because they were sick for a few days and the substitute couldn’t do much more than babysit, and now they’re having to do the entire Cold War in two days, so that’s why you didn’t hear about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut. They would have loved to tell you about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut!”

one of my favourite things about my boyfriend is that he's 6'4 but convinced he is a normal sized person and this does not constitute "tall"

once, if not twice, a week the card game shop he plays digimon at upload a top-4 photo best described as "gandalf and the hobbits" and every time he is genuinely baffled as to why he looks like that

told him i made this post and he's still insistent that he isn't tall

bf: i'm not tall! i feel like everyone i see is around the same height as me. like people in the street
me: they aren't
bf: but i can see their faces! if i'm looking at their faces they must be the same height
me: you're looking down slightly babe
bf: why would i do that
me: because you're tall

incidentally the fact i am 5'5 also comes as a shock to him at least once a day and then he inevitably asks if i'm "normally that short"

if you lean in real close you can hear his singular brain cell bouncing around like a windows screensaver

Has your boyfriend got his eyesight checked? Bc when I don’t wear my glasses I’m nice and close to the ground but when I do it’s HOLY SHIT WHY AM I THIS TALL, I’M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, HELP ME time and it’s genuinelly terrifying.

he wears glasses he's just dumb

update to this post from yesterday:

bf: apparently only 7% of people are over 6' tall me: yes........? bf: that isn't very many. am i tall? me: i cannot believe we are having this discussion again. yes. you are tall. you are still tall. you were tall yesterday. you will be tall tomorrow bf: oh my god i'm tall aren't i me: my love the netherlands is the tallest country in the world and even there average male height is 6' 0.5". you are tall by "kingdom of giants" standards, even. but we live on "shortarse island", so... bf: AM i tall though me: you are 6ft 4

he is he's very pretty

Can he make spinach puffs? Asking for irrelevant reasons....

having watched emperors new groove (it's my favourite) he does understand this reference but also he really loves cooking so you saying this has now prompted him to look up how to make spinach puffs

which is to say that yes, he is kronk

fun fact they're both the same person. same 6'4 boyfriend referred to himself as a short king because he thought it meant a man who really likes wearing shorts