Step one was a lot of crying. Step two was a lot of hugging. We are still kind of cycling through steps one and two, but each cycle gets shorter and less brutal. If you are en engineer/math sort, think damped cosine wave.
It sounds kind of silly, but I really think everyone needs to take some time to think about why they are devastated, what they can do to either modify plans or minimize the damage, and mourn.
It took us about 3 minutes after the final shutdown notice to realize that it wasn’t really the cancelled races we were devastated by. The day before, when we were told we could practice but not compete, we were pissed but no one cried. The thing that broke us is that we now had to say goodbye a lot sooner than we expected. Goodbye to our coaches, our boats, the underclassmen, each other, our favorite restaurants (the city shut those down too), and the campus that became our home over the last 4/5 years. We didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to a lot of things (no last time in our uni, no last run down our river, no last free queso night at the local taco shack, no last end of season banquet with speeches and thank yous and well planned goodbyes).
Once we figure that out, we decided 2 things. 1) We were going to hold onto each other in any way we could. 2) If we didn’t get to say goodbye to something or someone now, we’d give it a proper send off after this is all over. We will be back for the alumni regatta next fall. We will wear our unis again and beat the underclassmen down the Cuyahoga while we are at it. We will pile into a too small booth and eat an ungodly amount of tacos together. Team brunch is delayed by a few months, not cancelled. In the meantime, no one goes through this alone. We eat together, we find distractions together, we cry together, and we hug. The plans are laid for Skype calls all spring and visits to each other’s new homes this summer.
In terms of general advice, once we started thinking of this as a delay of most things rather than a cancellation of all things and stopped trying to be the team rock that doesn’t cry, it got easier. We cut the number of goodbyes we needed to say in the next week down dramatically and the grief became a lot more manageable.
Staying busy is good. Not being alone is good. Re-establishing a routine of some sort helps. We’ve had a lot of senior sendoff type informal dinners and activities. We go on runs and bike rides and do core circuit on our living room (small groups are that’s still left on campus). I signed myself up for a master’s program while crying over having to unpack my uni yesterday. Not sure if I recommend that as a coping method (bit of a big impulse purchase), but knowing I’ll be back on the water and racing in a couple months let’s me focus on saying goodbye to people rather than to rowing.
TLDR: most things can be rescheduled and while it’s not the same, it’s better than being permanently cancelled. The world is not ending and we will all live to row again. Don’t try to go through this alone. Keep busy and keep moving, but also give yourself time to mourn the plans and expectations you built over the last 4/5 years.
Sorry for rambling. I hope this helps. If you want to talk, my inbox is always open (and in theory messaging too assuming Tumblr isn’t broken).
