Quiet moments away from the crime scene

The first (but maybe not last??) time Edgeworth ever sought Gumshoe out in the precinct locker rooms. 

*as listed by the UN. post in the tags if you're not from one of these cities!

I feel that this is an important case study in Tumblr demographics and what the polls are actually reflecting

actually based on my math this is currently pretty representative! 2.7% of respondents live in the most populous cities, which would be 216 million people (of 8 billion), and the total population of those 9 cities is just over 214 million!

chris fleming is funny because he looks like someone forced a jc penney mannequin to watch sex and the city 57 times in a row and left it on the front doorstep of a gay bar, but you listen to him talk and recount his experiences and he sounds like arthur dent discovering that he's bi at 31, like i could hit chris fleming with a sledgehammer and he'd get up and be like "well what the fuck is this, a home depot?"

hey so were y'all gonna tell me chris fleming had a tumblr or was i just supposed to find that out that he reblogged this after waking up from a 5 hour nap like some sort of groggy soon-to-be-hired on the spot court jester

Tony Hawk’s Twitter is a gold mine honestly

We Stan this San Diego Man

this

C o m e d yy

Some recent gems:

And of course there’s

#where is race war tony hawk tweet thats my fav (via @laughingfish​)

I gotchu, bro:

i’m wheezgJmf stoP

Honestly every time this thread just makes me laugh. And new additions…excellent.

emergency abortion for a Black abuse survivor!!!

Hi, my name is Fern. I live in a state where abortion is illegal this is seriously a last resort for me so please share if you can't donate. my friend suggested twitter and tumblr since he's seen other people raise funds here. Last week I made the difficult decision to leave an abusive relationship. I stayed longer than I should because of finances, but now I'm stuck with an unwanted pregnancy. I'm still in school and financially unable to support a child. I asked my parents for help but they are apposed to abortion and are recommending I carry to term but I'm not ready for that. I'm panicking and scared.

I really need help, mostly for getting to and from the nearest location that I can get a surgical abortion done, as it's already too late for me to try the pill method. I tried to do the pill method last week but I didn't make the appointment. At 10 weeks now I'm forced to have a surgical abortion and the nearest location is 4 and a half hours away.

I need help getting there and back since I don't have a reliable vehicle so I might need to pay a friend to drive me. I also need to pay for some of the cost of the abortion, which is around 700.

I will also be using the donations to get this procedure done, and paying for mscellaneous stuff like the gas money, drinks and food for the drive, an oil change probably, and post surgery healing items such as a heating pad, midol, comfort items, pads.. Thank you for taking the time to read this, this is incredibly urgent so please share if you can't donate.

goal: 800 KOFI LINK CASH APP: $scoobysnacks2002 note: I'll also do art commissions (you can check out my style at my insta) but be warned it might take a little while since I'm dealing with this.

forgot to post these here. tears of the kingdom+long term nuclear waste storage warnings

Ok I’m really curious

first time playing OoT

that thing about how removing the middle 2 panels of a cad comic makes it funnier is true 

holy shit

I can’t even imagine what meaningless filler went into panels 2-3.

oh my god these are actually funny

this is 100% true and once you remove the horrible filler bullshit its comedy gold

hey you can’t just go and say “the theme of totk is hands” and expect me to have a normal reaction

"...to lose oneself..."

Interview with Gilbert Baker

please consider supporting emily gwen who made the current most widely used lesbian flag. theyre poor, jobless, and their last twitter post at time of me writing this is them asking for grocery money. fucking disney has used + sold their design and theyre out here asking for $5 so they can eat https://twitter.com/theemilygwen

dropping these pride sticker sheets with, um, one week left in pride month because i am ✨ Bad At Time Management ✨ 

but look at how cute they are!!! i really wanted to do a (kind of?) subtle batch of pride flag designs, and it turns out it wasn’t even hard because i already use all of the pride flag colors in my art. literally pink blue and white (+/- yellow) is already my go-to color scheme for anything haha

anyway these guys are up on my shop now if you’d like to stick them on your things!!!

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

[Image description

ALonelyBeeMakingArt reblogged your post

"Remember if you're out at a store and someone..."

#This is obviously a joke but #a coworker of my father kinda did this #(unintentionally) #And it worked

End description]

also greg is the most bisexual-coded cartoon dad ever

so greg you're telling me your conservative family doesnt approve of your musical awakening coming from a naked gay icon in gnc/drag makeup and they want to send you to the military but you ran away and changed your name and ended up with a musical aesthetic best described as indie glam rock dad with a non-binary space alien gf instead? das crazy, tell me more about how straight you are

sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.

i see you all in the tags going "this is so funny" you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke

you cant do this to me

😭😭😭💙💙💙tysm everyone!!!

my 2nd mini-drop of blue boyfriend totes sold out so quick, i really appreciate it, genuinely genuinely i've been worried about rent this past couple weeks so i really super appreciate it.

strongly considering one last... maybe much bigger drop? like 20-30 totes? we'll see, i'll need to get a proper gauge of interest as it's a lot of cost to sink in up front for me but yeah, maybe hit me up in the replies? lmk?

Hobie & Gwen By Sweeney Boo