wakey wakey eggs and bakey

but I’m a vegan

wakey wakey vegetables

this is what a true feminist looks like

NICE

all grandmas smell the same

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other.

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Yooooooooooo now THIS is the kind of blonde jokes I’m about

The story of Patrick

GOOD CONTENT TUMBLR

First few pics damn near made me cry

Please don’t ever do that again

GET REKT

This looks like a scene straight out of a Dr. Seuss movie (x)

X

Nothing has made me happier

I WANT ONE

when your friend is lying but you know the truth 

GUYS!!!!

Okay so I ordered pizza and the delivery guy was really cute so I sent a review to Dominos

THEN LIKE AN HOUR LATER

HE FREAKING TEXTED ME

Ok but did you hit it or what?

people who sleep without socks on make me worry

People who sleep WITH socks are not to be trusted

People who sleep are weird

I was a sock once

ONCE

please no halloween posts just yet. there’s still 2 months left

did someone say halloween

Give it up for @CardsAgstHrsmt. She’s calling out guys who shame women for posting sexy selfies … by tweeting their obnoxious comments alongside their own shirtless selfies. One guy even brought his sister into it.

This is…. wild lol

It is

So Google does math for you??

division

square roots

dividing percentages

IT EVEN FOILS

beautiful.

i just checked ALL of these on my calculator and they are all correct

all. fucking. correct.

DAYUM, SON! IF ONLY THIS WAS AVIALABLE WHEN I WAS ON SCHOOL >:(

HAH! You kids. When I was in school, it wouldn’t help because we still used Roman numerals back then!

AHAHAHAHAHA-

oh my god

i’ll just be over here shutting the fuck up right about now

you can even solve geometric problems

or plot graphs

even 3D graphs!!!

Reblob to save a life

just reblobbed

reblobbing to help those in need

I was in a hospital today and I saw this cute guy with a cast on his leg and my first thought was

hey this one can’t run away

how can you be afraid of snakes like really

really

say that again fcker

im gonna start answering my parents how donald trump answers questions

how does he answer questions?

well theres a lot of ways he answers and a lot of question that need to be answered and one of my close friends asks me, a good friend, he says, and I tell ya hes a good, close friend, he says are we gonna answer some questions and you see this guy and this guys got some real questions to answer *wave hand*, we’ve got a lot of real, important…. goood questions to answer

canadian wildlife

DO NOT WATCH THIS IN THE LIBRARY BECAUSE YOU WILL LAUGH OUT LOUD AND GET DIRTY LOOKS OMFG