man i hate the allure of a good grilled cheese. you make one and eat it and its so good and perfect, maybe a little bland but in a good way and you instantly think “man that was a really good grilled cheese, im not entirely full yet, maybe i’ll have another…” dont do it. don’t even think about it. it’s the opposite of oreos. you make your second grilled cheese and 3 bites into it you’re so overwhelmed by the monotony. “this isnt nearly as good as the last one” despite being practically identical. The grilled cheese is a sacred food, it must be eaten hot, and quick. A second one only allows you to stew in the memories of the past (your previous cheese) and your nostalgia clouds your mind, creating an epic fail bite in your newest creation of dairy and grain. Show some restraint.
lemony snicket really wrote some of the most devastating love letters in history like even remembering this exists is like a kick to the chest: “I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else–and i will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”
gnostick-deactivated20210607
the peeta mellark girls were right. at the end of the day love is about who will follow you to your ruined home and plant a garden there
Reviewing 1950s Nuclear Family Barbecuing Art
Notice how the wife is in the background waving for help before she plans to toss her son into the river, she wishes the husband would look at her, but the husband only cares for MEAT– pay attention to these themes for they will show up later.
wife is still in the background and MEAT is still in the foreground, but she is happy this time in her virginal white dress and all is right with the world. There son has yet to be tossed into the river.
TWO children now with a girl child learning to dispense not only MEAT but alcohol, the wife is in the background, but her smile is frozen and stiff on her face. She knows what the raggedy anne doll at the bottom knows.
everyone is so fucking HYPED for this new meat STICK– no longer limited to the round, finite circle. The father is the most excited of all. Watch as friend Tommy enters the scene from the background and the wife is now wearing pink instead of white. She will never return to her perfect unknowing ways.
1950s gay fucking panic. the circular meat is burning. the wife is wearing red. Jimmy and Tommy are going to go on a “fishing trip” and he won’t look her in the eye when they return. The other wife in white lives in ignorance, but not for long as DOUBT enters her expression.
the wife has finally taken center stage. She sets the table without looking at her husband who stands guiltily with his weird magic stick in the background. The daughter rushes away from her brother who has emerged from the river to hover across the ground and seek vengeance.
They are a broken family with only MEAT in the center left to remain.
being a fine arts student isn’t so hard.
the brother and sister in that last one is basically
I’m watching chamber of secrets with my bf and the scene Harry’s scar came on and he just turned to me and touched my forehead and went “forgive me.... but ur pop tart scar.....it’s legendary...” and I’m never going to fucking hear the end of this am I
Me: touches it
Him in a British voice: it’s hurting again isn’t it?
This is funny and all, but I would very much like to know what happened
I put pop tarts in the toaster oven and burnt my first batch got kinda pissed and made another batch and put them on a plate and got a glass of milk and tried going downstairs when I missed the first step out of agitation I fell down the entire flight of stairs spilling milk all over the place all the way down and at some point I broke the plate in half over my face and dropped my tarts went back upstairs made a third batch and only cried once
after two pop tart disasters they went back for a third. Braver than any US Marine.
Only cried once. What a legend
I hate driving because you have to do everything perfectly as fast as possible or everyone around you will announce their displeasure with airhorns
oh and if you mess up you die and kill a bunch of people at the same time
LITERALLY like disarming a bomb except there’s a peanut gallery watching you and they’ve each got an airhorn and also another bomb
This is one of the nicest compliments I’ve gotten about my writing, and I’ve been reading this post in his syntax ever since I read your tag
sherlock girl trying to hit on me: hey ;) i noticed the thin indentations calloused into your fingertips. you a bassist? me: that? oh thats from opening pistachios
“Samuel Vimes distrusted the kind of person who’d take one look at another man and say in a lordly voice to his companion, “Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll a lot of supercilious commentary about calluses and stance and the state of a man’s boots, when exactly the same comments could apply to a man who was wearing his old clothes because he’d been doing a spot of home bricklaying for a new barbecue pit, and had been tattooed once when he was drunk and seventeen and in fact got seasick on a wet pavement. What arrogance! What an insult to the rich and chaotic variety of the human experience!”
— Terry Pratchett - Feet Of Clay
i can’t read. want some? theyre good
actually I will take some thanks
dankmemecentral1
My dad is a kroger manager and sent me this (repost without personal info)
they thought 1 lb stood for “one little bean”
Hate green shit, don’t get it near me, grass, green apples, moss, mold, keep it outside, my room is orange and that’s IT
Cant wait for this dude to lose his mind on st Patrick’s day
What the fuck is that
the art of making someone feel seen and feel special IS the highest art
human-power
dancing around your room to music is one of the ultimate forms of self care
Lol people asking why the riot police isn’t at the Capitol, you can’t have them two places at once.
pandyssian-deactivated20210112
OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED
I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT
And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this:
THAT EXPLAINS WHY MEN GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE WHEN THEY PROPOSE
folie-a-tout
OH MY GOD
syristones
I will never not laugh at this.
commanderchrist
I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
in grade 6 and every time we had a movie day or class party id ask my mom for a can of doctor pepper but i had to keep it in my backpack and it always got shaken up and would explode when i opened it bcus we all know dr pepper has much more chaos inside the can than any other soda and anyways my whole class instinctively knew every time that my doctor pepper would explode and we'd have to pause the movie and clean it up and id usually be covered in dr pepper for the rest of the day and be super embarrassed and this happened to me about twelve times throughout the year. you might be wondering why i couldnt keep my dr pepper in my locker until we watched the movie and its because i didnt have a locker in grade six after i left a piece of pumpkin pie that my teacher gave me in there for a month and it rotted and molded so bad and there were maggots everywhere so one day i locked the locker and refused to open it ever again so for a whole year i carried all my stuff around because i was afraid to go to admin and tell them about my maggot pie because someone started a rumor that if the principle figured out you did something bad she would lock you down in the basement storage room that was infamous for having a giant rat that lived inside of it and i was afraid of rats after seeing ratatouille because i thought a rat might climb inside my hair and start controlling me and force me to do things i didnt want to do like make soup