Your Moronic Coffee Pot

my friend just told me that there's a secret second dashboard that solely contains posts from people you've turned on post notifications for, and when i click the link in the messages it opens it within the tumblr app, so the tumblr app also has a secret second dashboard for post notification blogs, and the only way to access it is to open the link for it within the app.

i literally love tumblr

i have a private pinned post that just has a link to this dashboard on it, it's great. two dashboards for life

wow! i was really hoping someone would organically reverse-engineer this and find that dash.

here are a few other "secret" dashboards:

these are all just taking existing feeds of content and putting them in a dashboard-like format... the "Stuff for you" tab/feed is the same idea.

I swear if the link in the original post is a virus I'll be so upset.

nope! i hovered over the link and this popped up on the bottom of the browser. here's all the links in order:

https://www.tumblr.com/timeline/blog_subscriptions

https://www.tumblr.com/timeline/crushes

https://www.tumblr.com/timeline/what_you_missed

https://www.tumblr.com/timeline/trending

https://www.tumblr.com/timeline/for_you

they need to invent a career path that is like a nun but you don't have to be religious. you just live in a monastery and have lesbian sex

see i could be a different kind of autism blog because i'm real good at identifying magic: the gathering cards from crappy photos but there just isn't that many opportunities for that except me scouting ebay

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP RSTU XY

22/26

try harder please

i'm having so much fun

Scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they're just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it's fake by trying to replicate their results

Yeah actually I just discovered how to turn plastic into gold. Oh you want to know how I did it

Starts running away cutely

Same energy

Fuck with me

Source

these two are locked in eternal combat

This is the funniest shit ever

Don’t forget the first victims when you go see Oppenheimer this opening weekend. Unforgivable not to include them in the narrative.

We love us some Nolan and Cillian but this is also a story that should never have taken place.

For further reading:

This is what happens when the US government goes nuclear-crazy during the Cold War and mines a shit ton of uranium. Lambs born with three legs and no eyes, and human stillbirths and agonizing deformities for those that survive. For decades it was referred to as a Navajo-specific hereditary illness. No one made the link to the mines and the drinking water.

i could never be american because whenever I get a big drink I'm like oh great now I have to drink this big drink. i have to take care of this big drink they gave me. everything is terrible in the world

too many upset americans in the notes of this post. why don't you come over and take care of that big ass drink for me then. why don't you carry it around for me. you must've built up a lot of muscle dragging those drinks around every day. why don't you help me drink it since you're oh so experienced at drinking big drinks. two straws. one cup. why don't you tenderly look into my eyes over the styrofoam rim. we could share a moment and a drink together, feel the intimacy of experiencing the same thing at the same time. at the end of the day my opinion on big drinks will have shifted. it's not the sugar on my lips that changed my mind. i love you but I'll never say. you mistake my fear for indifference and we break each other's hearts. I'm resentful towards big drinks again but it's for a far more complicated reason than just my being European. not that anyone would ever notice the difference. well, except for you, I suppose. funny to think that the only person who knows that about me is a complete stranger. who said that

i’m the guy in every 2010′s video game creepypasta who gives haunted cartridges to teenagers. sorry about that

Stroking my bush thoughtfully

“What you consume in fiction defines who you are.”

If that were true you would’ve actually internalized the lessons from the Children’s media you watch and learn to actually be decent people.

I didn’t realise this until adulthood but handmade birthday piñatas are the apex of parental devotion. I spent the week cooking for my ravenous teenage cousins and felt a bit crestfallen at times that I was spending so long making something that was going to disappear within minutes—but with piñatas it’s so much worse, they exist to be savagely maimed. Year after year my father asked his kids what shape they wanted this year’s piñatas to be and he spent weeks painstakingly making them in the basement after work, only to watch a bunch of oversugared bat-wielding kids gleefully destroy them in less than 10 minutes. 

I mentioned this to him and he said he remembered researching tarantula anatomy for the giant spider piñata I asked for when I was 4, trying to make the fangs the right shape and to cut the crepe paper into very thin ribbons so the thing would look appropriately fuzzy, and I was like “and I don’t even remember it because I was four!! spending so long building a beautiful object only so your kids will have fun destroying it, knowing they won’t even remember it, is such a selfless endeavour” and he said “my other motivation was that you said you wanted the spider to look real & scary so the kids at your birthday party would be terrified of it and you’d get to scoop up all the candy and I wanted to support your slyness & ambition”

mammal lessons

i was born inside an airpod case 3 minutes ago your honor and i love abortion

this is the most unhelpful post ever

do i look like a fucking faq to you

#f slur

is it a slur to ask questions frequently