Now Collecting Lost Bikes

how am i meant to show my love when i peel an orange but need a shovel to give you a slice

i wish i had the words to express what this means to me.

when i came out as trans i had an old friend from my church days message me to congratulate me and ask me for my name and pronouns. and i was shocked tbh cause he was such a head-deep-up-the-church’s ass kind of guy so i was super wary.

and after digging a little deeper i found out that he was very supportive of transness, saying that trans men are men and trans women are women

BUT

he also believed in the church’s gender roles meaning that trans women had to marry men and be submissive wives and trans men had to marry women and be strong christian husbands.

which is like ????

the weirdest and most surreal form of trans inclusive misogyny i’ve ever seen.

girl im bored lets browse academic articles

Hot tip: if you want to see scientists being snarky and sardonic, type ‘Reply to’ into google scholar and make yourself some popcorn. You can add your field of interest to the search or narrow down the timeframe to make it more specific or recent.

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

my stupid squire opening the gate so I can go strike peasants with my sword until I have the plague

resting my eyes for just a moment after father grigori wrathfully cast a dull pitchfork from the chapel roof

starving peasants collecting back payments on the bellum grain tax my father (long may he live in the lord's grace) imposed

I don't remember making this post. good god what devilry got into me

the pillars holding up society:

There is no Tumblr alternative tbh. I love you all but I'm never gonna remember to post on 3,000 discord groups, I'm not gonna make a Postr or Dingus or whatever account. We all go down together

You’ve heard of one shots, now get ready for none shots! It’s when you think of an idea for a fic and then don’t write it

wdym an average platonic bond cant be deep and meaningful do none of you remember the power of friendship

police asking witnesses to make a picrew of the suspect

PBLPSPBLORBFsT-

people vaguely saying 'the horrors' as shorthand for 'life problems, don't worry about it' in conversations where the problems are not going to be delved into has got to be one of my favorite new Ways Of Speaking that has emerged. like it's polite and vague and succinct enough for impersonal conversation but also extremely honest. it's very funny. The Horrors. we all know of them.

yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you greedy fucks

Scar updating us on Grian's Fishing Crisis™ is my favorite thing on twitter currently

i do really appreciate that for any viewers only watching iskall right now, ren just seems like the most pathetic neighbor of all time. he's made a mining competition. he's the only one who lost it. he's made a tower with the initials RD and named it something that doesn't even match. he wants the tower to be menacing. it's not tall enough to kill anyone that falls from it. he's flooding his crops on accident. he's crying about the view outside his so very menacing and scary tower. he wants iskall's house gone because it's an eyesore and can't do a thing about it, because his tower is just tall enough to have to see it no matter what. no one is doing it like rendog through iskall's eyes,

community cringe consensus

For future references:

This does not explain how to give credit to the extradimensional being who bestowed the vision upon you, but APA is a bit limited as a citation format.

made a tierlist for which hermit is the biggest hater/mean girl. open to constructive criticism

only on the hermitcraft server

you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling