The worst thing anyone's said to me as a trans person?

I quite often see questions on Reddit asking the worst thing that someone has asked or said to you as a trans person. There's usually very little that comes to mind that would be truly shocking other than the usual questions about genitals and whatnot which cis people still fail to understand the invasiveness of. The most prominent example that came to mind is when I baked a cake and was asked why I transitioned if I was going to bake cakes. Which wasn't horrifying, just weird and ignorant.

But then last night the perfect answer came to me and I don't know how it managed to slip my mind for all this time.

So at this point, I was early in transition. I'd probably been on hormones for less than a year at a guess. I was visiting my grandma who lived in an extension of my uncle and his wife's house. I'll refer to her as my aunt for simplicity's sake. She is known for being fairly blunt but she had always been accepting of me despite sometimes perhaps not thinking before she spoke and being obliviously offensive. No offense was ever taken as her words were not meant maliciously.

Anyway, we were having a nice enough time when she decided to tell us of a "man" (ie trans woman) who used to work at local place and had become a woman later in life. Many incorrect pronouns and deadnames later, she tells us that this trans woman got drunk at the local pub and attempted to cut her penis off and did severe damage to herself. "I shouldn't laugh, but..." is something I remember my aunt saying.

It was told as a humorous anecdote. Man who wanted to be woman cuts penis off lolololol.

And that is by far the most shocking thing anyone has ever said to me as a trans person.

The sheer ignorance and lack of understanding in telling me a story like that without realising that that is the reality of being trans. That is how I feel. That is how hard it is to live every single day with parts that feel so devastatingly wrong that you could even get to the point of considering damaging your own body so severely to be free of the pain. The very fact that she even thought to tell me such a story, thinking I'd laugh along at the same strain of distress that I feel daily?

Bizarre.

Lower surgery worries

It has been a wild couple of weeks in regards to lower surgeries in my country and I'm really struggling with it all. This post will likely contain some venting and a little self pity.

So, lower surgeries have not been taking place since Covid kicked off. I was put on the waiting list which is around two years long just prior to our first lockdown. Nothing has moved since. This has been hard in itself; the uncertainty of not knowing when surgeries will resume, of no longer having any timeframe whatsoever. The waiting, the knowing it was so close and now it isn't, the having my entire life on hold.

But then we recently discovered that our lower surgery team, the only team that perform lower surgery in the UK, have lost the contract to do so under our National Health Service. The contract is now up for bidding.

They assure us that this will cause no undue delays, however, the fact remains that lower surgeries have not taken place since March 2020 and there is still no timeframe in which they will resume.

What does all this mean though? We don't really know. It's possible that the current team will win the contract, or the same surgeons will become part of whoever does win the contract. After all, they're the only lower surgery team for trans men that we have. We do know that they're submitting a tender at least so we can only hope that this will be successful. People have speculated about new teams, speculated that we may be sent to Europe. It's all speculation and very little information coming our way.

The bit that really concerned me was: "NHS England is now working with NHS Scotland and a surgical group which is based in a Foundation Trust. The group already have some experience in trans men’s GRS surgery."

The primary reason I chose metoidioplasty was due to the techniques that our surgeons pioneered and the results that they achieve. Nowhere else in the world, aside from maybe Serbia at a push, give meta results that meet my needs or would be an acceptable outcome for me.

So if the London team cease to offer lower surgeries on the NHS, it changes everything for me. I would be mid-way through a surgical process that I likely wouldn't wish to continue. A team with "some experience" (I also suspect this experience is likely to be in phalloplasty and not the lesser performed metoidioplasty) would not be an option for me, especially when there are teams with very much experience that still fall short of meeting my needs in regards to metoidioplasty.

All I can do is wait and hope everything turns out for the best. My entire life has revolved around waiting so you'd think it'd be easier by now.

In the meantime, my dysphoria is high and no longer having that light at the end of the tunnel within reach is only making it worse. I live in a state of physical discomfort which I have had to endure for far too long. I cannot pursue things in life right now or make any long term commitments as anything I commit to is likely to be affected by my eventually upcoming surgeries and the extensive time off. I'm stuck in a situation where my finances during the long post-surgery recovery periods will be greatly affected if I choose to take on further education or employment opportunities.

My friends all seem to be having kids right now too and it just further drives home how much my life is on hold. I can't have a relationship as I am right now, I just can't. I feel my life slipping past. When all of this is done in what, 5+ years from now and I'm not far from 40 years old, will I find a partner? In time to be able to have kids? The idea that I may not be able to have a kid before my mum dies haunts me. That she would never be able to meet my child and the grandchild she always wanted is one of my greatest fears.

Everything is just so uncertain right now and I'm finding it hard to deal with as my life slips on by.

The comment section

It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve just had to try my best to close my eyes and scroll past the news articles and their comment sections. Sometimes I still can’t help but make a comment of my own. I no longer allow myself to enter debates or arguments; I simply state my own personal experiences and anyone who reads it can do with it what they wish. My comments usually garner likes but very rarely any rebuttals which I put down to the manner in which I express myself. Previous attempts to correct, debate or argue would be jumped on by those who disagreed and were desperate to prove their stance whereas simply stating some of my feelings and experiences is less provocative and isn't easily argued since my comments are not statements or claims, they're just my life. But still, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t exhausting to see these threads in my feed almost constantly again at the moment, especially with the recent Elliot Page interview, Laurel Hubbard possibly being the first trans woman in the Olympics, the GRC fee being reduced and... well, Caitlyn Jenner’s typically tonedeaf shenanigans.

Actual news aside, there's also the influx of articles that feel like they were posted entirely with the intent to stir up the trolls. "Transgender people do change their sex – it is discriminatory to say otherwise" was an article this week, actually written by a trans person, that just seemed like a dangling carrot and golden opportunity for everyone to say just how much they disagreed with trans peoples existence. It may be well intended, but you know exactly what the response to an article like that will be and it will not be pretty. I think back to my younger self, sat alone wondering if I'd ever be accepted, seeing the countless and overwhelming majority of comments that gave the very clear message that no, I would not be.

My comments usually centre around the fact that I'm just human. Which is sad really, isn't it? That I should feel the need to remind people that I am a person. A person with family, friends, interests and dreams just like you. That I'm not a political point or an agenda, that I am not "the trans community" - none of us are; we're all individuals, that I am more than being trans. That it's ok not to like Elliot Page or Caitlyn Jenner, but to please take a moment to consider all the trans people reading comments like yours every single day and coming to believe that the world truly hates them. It's alienating, it's lonely and it's damn near impossible not to let it worm its way into your own sense of self-worth after years of seeing the same consistent hostility directed to people like you.

I like to disarm the comments surrounding "biology" with my own reasons for transition - not because I want to claim to be biologically this or genetically that, not because I have any desire to deny that I was born female nor change that fact, not to claim some sort of mythical "100% sex change" which yes, even trans people know is not possible - but that transition for me was simply about living in a way that felt genuine and aligning my body in a way that was not constantly distressing for me. My body may not be typically male nor typically female and that's fine, all it needed to be was home. That all I request is that I am respected as a person.

At this stage of my transition, lower dysphoria aside, the politics and general social climate surrounding trans people is probably the worst part of being trans and one of the only things that brings being trans to the forefront of my mind when it normally wouldn't be. At a time when my transition is pretty much over and I am able to just live I still see it drag on in the mindsets of others.

But why does it bother me so much?

I think, as I've previously spoken about, the fear for my future is a big one. The concern that what were previously fringe movements are gaining traction and having real world effects on the lives of myself and other trans people. That the public in general are either indifferent at best or supportive of these groups at worst.

The other thing is that my own journey to self acceptance was plagued by these attitudes and comments and this was by far the toughest part of my transition. To think I'd never be accepted, never be loved, to see every-day regular people on Facebook (Facebook is one of the worst for me because of this fact; they're not faceless trolls, they're just regular people, average job, 2.5 kids, like those I see every single day) spewing such vitriol for people like me, to constantly wonder if the people in my life also secretly thought these things, to see the "you'll always be a woman" comments, to feel like a freak, an outcast, an inconvenience, to see people speak with such hostility and vitriol. To see my existence reduced to a debate or an ideology. To think that the only interaction people care to have with me is one to assert their own views and opinions on people like me. To have transitioned and reached a point where I finally feel like and see myself only to worry that no one else ever truly will.

I did come to believe that society hated people like me, that no one would ever view me as a whole person, that I would forever be less-than, a novelty, a debate, an unlovable abomination in the eyes of others.

But I don't feel like that any more. I have my self worth and I worked hard to find that after years of being beaten down. Sometimes I do wonder if I will ever find love - being trans certainly complicates that for reasons outside of whether or not someone is an ally. But what gets me now is the sense of injustice of feeling completely misunderstood and misrepresented. To have ideas and actions wrongly attributed to me because we are all seen as the homogenous blob that is the trans community. Caitlyn Jenner does not speak for me, Elliot Page does not speak for me, that article that you read online - even if it was by a trans person - does not speak for me. I want to be heard as an individual, as a person.

Where? I’ve seen maybe two recently and they’ve been promptly blocked.

Of course neither myself nor anyone else can tell you whether or not you’re trans, nor whether transition is appropriate for you.

If you have access to therapy, that is an invaluable tool although it can take time to find a therapist that suits you. If you have any trauma or mental health issues it is imperative to work on these first; not only to ensure that they aren’t muddying the waters so to speak, but also to ensure that if you do reach a place where transition is the path you choose that you are in the best place mentally and physically to pursue that.

Otherwise, I always suggest looking deep into yourself and questioning everything, looking at things from every angle imaginable, deep reflection and deep soul searching; objectively challenge and counter your own thoughts; doing so out loud can help, writing can help. Speak to and/or listen to the experiences of those who are trans, those who are not trans, lesbians, gender non-conforming people, those who transitioned and later detransitioned, those who are non binary. You will likely relate to some things from all of those groups, but the purpose is not to match an experience and make a decision, but rather to consider a range of stories and experiences to provide further things to reflect upon and find your own way to who you are. Gain as much insight and as many perspectives as you can; whether they’re narratives that you agree or disagree with is irrelevant. Look into the good, look into the bad and look into the grey. 

Take your time, try different things and experiment. There’s no rush. 

A few questions to ponder. There are no right answers.

It is indeed

Adjustments

For me, coming out as trans wasn’t much of an adjustment in terms of how I saw myself, my presentation and generally how I lived my life. 

What was a big adjustment was dealing with all the things around being trans. Things like how other people reacted, explaining things, remaining patient as people got used to pronouns, the awkwardness of people not understanding or knowing how to interact with me, setting boundaries, changing documents, the forever chasing appointments, assessments and referrals, adjusting to the new rules of a society that sees and treats you very differently. 

Once I found my feet with that, the stage began of physical transition where the way I’m perceived by society changed from pre-pubescent boy to adult man and I was prescribed a new set of rules, expectations and place within society.

Then of course there’s all the changes that a physical transition brings; the gradual watching and waiting in anticipation as your face, body and voice change. 

For a while, it shifts the balance of your life. Transition is at the centre of your world; your body is changing, society is changing around you and every aspect of your life is going through that transition with you. Life becomes consumed by appointments, passing, bathrooms, documents and the adjustments both you and those around you are experiencing. 

But I think it’s important not to get lost in that; not to lose yourself. 

There comes a time when everything settles down, where you’re no longer finding your feet, no longer waiting for those exciting new changes, no longer chasing up those appointments, no longer figuring out how to navigate life as a trans person, no longer dealing with other people’s perceptions of you as a trans person, where being trans may not even be something you think about anymore. The thing that has consumed your life for years up until this point, whether you view that time positively or negatively, is over and what you’re left with is yourself. After years of being occupied by everything that being trans entails in the early years, that in itself is yet another adjustment. 

Which is why, in my opinion, it is important to have an identity and sense of self outside of being trans. Find your hobbies, your passion, friends who share interests, find a purpose and identity outside of your transition because at some point you will be free to just be yourself, to live your life. 

I worked hard to get to a place where I finally see myself, where I finally feel like myself, where other people see me too, to be able to live my life in a way that felt genuine and real. To go through all that and to get to this point to then have my entire sense of identity contained within the fact that I am trans would be a huge injustice to myself. It’s about finding that balance.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

It's mostly for myself as a way to explore and talk about my feelings and experiences as a trans person in a world where I don't really have an outlet. Of course I also hope that there may be people out there who either relate to or find my words helpful in some way so it's always nice when I hear that from someone.

Successful trans men (pt 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Brian Michael Smith African American actor. Smith studied acting and video production at Kent State University and began teaching drama classes before moving to New York to train at at William Esper Studio. He obtained a number of small roles in shows such as Blue Bloods, Girls, Person of Interest and Law & Order: SUV before making his break in the role as Toine in Queen Sugar. Since then, Smith has become a series regular in 9-1-1: Lone Star, claiming the title of the first black transgender man to star as a series regular in a network TV show.

Blas Radi Argentinian professor of philosophy at the University of Buenos Aires. Radi is a researcher, activist, professor of the Chair of Gnoseology and Feminist Philosophy, and attached to the Chair of Fundamentals of Philosophy. He is an activist speaking and writing on cissexism, trans rights and trans issues and was part of the National Front for the Gender Identity Law 2012.

Ash Palmisciano British actor. Palmisciano worked as an actor at Warwickshire Castle and at the Royal Shakespeare Company where he was the first transgender actor to appear on stage. He landed a few small roles over the years, including BBC’s Boy Meets Girl before landing the role as a series regular in ITV soap Emmerdale as both the first transgender character and actor to appear in the show. 

Eddie Ayres English musician, teacher and radio presenter. Ayres graduated from the Royal Northern College of Music and went on to study in Berlin, England and Australia. His career has taken him around the world, from teaching in Australia and Afghanistan to spending eight years as a member of the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra along with presenting the breakfast show on Radio Television Hong Kong. Ayres is now an Australian citizen and presents the Classic Breakfast show on ABC Classic. 

Jake Zyrus Filipino singer and television personality. After finding some fame after placing third in a Filipino talent show, Zyrus later reached worldwide recognition after videos of his performances began to gain popularity on YouTube. He began receiving invitations to perform on a number of popular British and American talk shows which ultimately lead to his role in Glee as Sunshine Corazon along with a career in music that has seen him release six studio albums. 

Patricio Manuel American boxer. Manuel is the first transgender boxer in US history to fight professionally. He was a five-time USA female national amateur boxing champion before his transition in 2013. Upon returning to boxing in 2018 to fight as a man he won his first fight against Hugo Aguilar by unanimous decision and later became the face of Everlast boxing equipment.

Amos Mac American writer, photographer, writer and publisher. Mac co-founded Original Plumbing in 2009; the first magazine for and by transgender men. His photography centres around trans lives and has been exhibited internationally and featured in The New York Times, Vogue Italia, BUTT Magazine, and OUT. Mac is also a writer for the forthcoming series of Gossip Girl and is currently working on a young adult novel. 

Freddy McConnell English journalist. McConnell studied Arabic at the University of Edinburgh and went on to work for NGO Skateistan providing education and empowerment to children in the form of skateboarding. He began writing for The Guardian in 2013 and has since written for the likes of Vice, Pink News and The Washington Post, along with providing trans inclusive guidelines for the NHS. His journey to becoming a dad was featured in the 2019 documentary Seahorse and his battle to be legally named as his son’s father has been widely publicised. 

Ian Harvie American stand-up comedian. Harvie began his comedy career in 2002 performing in both Maine and Massachusetts before moving to California in 2006 where he began touring with Margaret Cho as her opening act for the following three years. He has also had small TV roles in shows such as Transparent, Will & Grace, Mistresses and Young & Hungry. He continues to perform stand up comedy, often to raise money for causes such as recovery centres and houses, abortions rights, and numerous LGBTQIA causes.

Nic Brennan English firefighter and personal trainer. Brennan began transitioning on the job as a firefighter but fearing the reaction of his employer and colleagues he was unable to tell anyone. Upon coming out, he realised the reaction was much more positive and supportive than he expected and Brennan is happy to be “finally living my life as who I am meant to be, not just existing.” His experiences and the lack of role models have driven him to come out publicly and speak of his experiences to help fill that void himself. 

Insecurity

For me, there’s a difference between dysphoria and insecurities and I find it important to keep it in check.

Sometimes I worry about my appearance. Maybe that I’m not tall enough, my chin and jawline aren’t strong enough, my eyebrows aren’t thick enough, my nose too big, my brow isn’t bossed enough, my beard hasn’t filled in as much as I’d like in certain places, maybe the combination of being bald and looking younger than my age make me self conscious sometimes. 

But none of these things hinder the way I live my life and none of these things are exclusive to being trans. They’re just insecurities; everyone has them. I may not always like them but they’re not corrections to be made, they’re just me. I don’t need to be six foot tall with the perfect jawline to feel at home in my body or for other people to see me; it’s not dysphoria - it’s vanity. 

The difference is that dysphoria heavily restricted my ability to function in life, the way I interacted with myself, the way I interacted with others. It was not seeing myself and it was no one else seeing me either. It was being unable to be a part of the world when I felt so wrong, when the sense of deceit for knowing I was being inauthentic was overwhelming. It was having parts of my body feel completely alien and constantly jarring and distressing. It was like being stuck in a parallel universe with no way to get home. These were not things I simply disliked about my appearance, these were not things I was able to reconcile with; these were things that were an essential part of my sense of self, my inner peace, my ability to function and live; these were corrections that needed to be made. 

So sure, I may not always like my chin, my nose or whatever else, but I would never dream of changing them because they are me. 

Overheard

One of the things about not being visibly trans is how often people don’t even consider that they may be in the presence of a trans person. 

People say things when they think they’re safe, when they think they’re being funny, when they believe those around them will share the same mindset. People judge when they think those they’re judging are out of sight. They’re usually the kind of people who mean no harm, who would never say such things to a trans person; it’s a cheap laugh with no consequence, it’s sharing your opinions in a space you feel you will not be challenged and will have those opinions confirmed by those around you.

It reminds me of the days when men of a certain age would spend their evenings in the pub telling racist jokes. Safe in the knowledge that there was no one around to take offense, safe in the knowledge that their friends wouldn’t call them out and found their jokes equally hilarious. I knew men like this. It was just banter amongst friends. They meant no harm, they wouldn’t treat someone from another race with any less respect in person and they certainly wouldn’t share these jokes with someone from another race. That alone shows they recognise the wrongness of it so why do they do it?

Perhaps there’s a sense of danger and excitement in the taboo? Perhaps there’s an odd sense of community and bonding in partaking in something that isn’t acceptable in any other circumstance? It’s that us vs them mentality. 

I grew up in a small English town where everyone was white British and the small handful of LGB people were known by name to everyone because they were different. It’s just ignorance but not necessarily deliberately malicious ignorance. We joke about things we don’t understand; things we don’t understand challenge our worldview and make us uncomfortable so we separate ourselves from them, we make jokes about them. Maybe we use these jokes to gain a sense of control and community over something that is new and scary to us? It doesn’t make it ok, but they already know it’s not ok so I’m interested in what the motivation is to continue doing something that they know is wrong.

I can recall countless times where similar attitudes affected me as a trans person. Times when a trans customer had left the shop only for my bosses and colleagues to turn around and comment on their appearance and laugh, making jokes about their genitals, suggesting them as a potential partner for another colleague as the colleague would recoil in horror because the mere idea of dating a trans person is so outrageously disgusting that that in itself is hilarious, times when casual transphobic jokes just popped up spontaneously, times where their gaze sought mine for approval and affirmation of their hilarity. Then there were the times that there’d be a TV show featuring trans people and I used to dread going to work the next day because in every single job I’ve had it would be guaranteed to be the talking point of the workplace the next morning. I had to sit back and listen to everyone’s ill-informed opinions on trans people; how they look, how they dress, their bodies, “the surgery”, their opinions on whether or not they think trans people are valid, whether their treatments should be covered on our national health service, whether they should be allowed into certain spaces, the jokes, the misconceptions, the stereotypes, the “I’ll call them what they want but they’re not real men/women”. From the innocently ignorant to the outright hurtful, the list is endless. 

They’re conversations that no one would willingly have in the presence of a trans person. But I was there all along. I squirmed in my seat as you told me you didn’t think they shouldn’t be entitled to healthcare, when you told me you thought it was a mental health illness, when you told me they’ll never be real men/women. I was there all along as I awkwardly nodded along to your opinions, desperately conflicted as to whether I should sacrifice my own privacy in order to speak up to a room full of people all in very much in agreement of their opinions about ‘people like me’ or if I should just sit there with the burden of guilt and the sense of betrayal by both those I considered friends and on behalf of myself for my cowardice and reluctance to stand up for myself and my trans siblings. I was there all along and you never knew it. The funny thing is I don’t doubt that many of these people would have been upset to realise they’d hurt me so why didn’t they think about impact of their words before they spoke them? Because they thought the impact wouldn’t ‘land’ anywhere?

I lived in fear of coming out for a long time. I was so afraid of the judgements I’d already heard so many times from the people I trusted and often those I least expected to hold those opinions. I didn’t want them to hold those views about me. If these were the people I otherwise deemed to be good people, what about the people who weren’t good people? What would they think, or even, do if they knew.

It still happens from time to time. Every now and again, someone will make a comment about trans people to me without realising I’m trans, maybe after seeing a TV show or perhaps after walking past a visibly trans person in the street. But now, I will not stay quiet. I am trans, I will tell you I’m trans and I will call you out. 

You can indeed, thank you!

Putting furniture together or anything that uses tools really; typical 'dad jobs'. Which is odd because anyone can do that stuff, it's not inherently masculine, but doing something with my hands, something that requires physical strength feels strangely affirming and satisfying, especially since it's not the kind of thing I normally do. There's a 'big strong man' energy and novelty to it.

Putting effort into your appearance is good too, even if it's just for yourself. Wear some fancy aftershave, do your hair, put that fancy suit on even if you're not going anywhere.

It's a hard one to answer for me since I've never been particularly focused on masculinity. I've always been masculine (without being the aggressively overt 'bro' kind of masculine) and so I've never really had any insecurities around that, I'm just me, you know? I'm not a man because of my masculinity or femininity.

I think it's important to just be yourself. 'Living as a man' is not about performing something that is not you. Because what is 'living as a man' anyway? It's just the way you're perceived by society. It's important to remain true to yourself because isn't that what being trans is about after all? Explore, experiment but always be true to yourself.

I guess what I'm getting at is don't feel the need to fulfil others expectations of what masculinity is.

It certainly might be worth seeking out some male friends and social spaces though, even if that's just online (if you play video games, find some friendly Discord servers or something to chat in). It's good to see the variety of men and their expression, that not every man is the same kind of masculine and to just see past all the masculine and feminine stuff.

Successful trans men (pt 2)

Part 1 Part 3

I wish I knew about men like these growing up, I wish I knew that trans men could be successful after a lifetime of never seeing anyone ‘like me’ excelling in life. So here are some trans men - some that you may have heard of, some that you may not - that are successful in a range of careers. Never let being trans hold you back, never think you can’t do something, never think there is not a place for you.

Beverly Glenn-Copeland American singer, composer and actor. One of the first black students at McGill University in Montreal, Glenn-Copeland began his career as a folk singer, spent twenty-five years as a regular actor in children’s show Mr Dressup and has been a writer for Sesame Street. His 1968 album Keyboard Fantasies received the Polaris Heritage Prize in 2020. 

Carter Sickels American novelist and assistant professor of English at Eastern Kentucky University. Sickels’ The Prettiest Star was released to critic acclaim, receiving the 2021 Southern Book Prize, the Weatherford Award and was also selected as Kirkus Best Book of 2020 and Best LGBT Book of 2020 by O Magazine. His debut novel The Evening Hour, which was later adapted to a feature film, saw Sickels win the 2013 Lambda Literary Emerging Writer Award and receive a number of fellowships. 

Rüzgar Erkoçlar Turkish actor and model. Erkoçlar began his acting career in advertising at the age of ten. After receiving national recognition for his parts in popular TV advertisements he made his break into television acting and is best known for his role as Foto Fato in the TV series Emret Komutanım.

Shayle Matsuda American marine biologist. With a BA Environmental Studies (agroecology and water policy), a master of science degree in Ecology, Evolution and Conservation Biology and currently a PhD student, Matsuda’s research focuses on understanding the effects of climate change on coral reefs and developing ways to help them survive into the future. 

Alex Hai Of German and Algerian descent, Hai was regarded to the be first female gondolier before his transition in 2017. He now runs his own gondola touring company in Venice which includes special LGBTIQA group tours. 

Elliot Kukla Canadian rabbi. Kukla was ordained at Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles in 2006, trained in chaplaincy at UCSF Medical Center in 2007 and is currently a rabbi with the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center. He is also a painter with a BA in Fine Arts and enjoys integrating art into his work with clients.

Sean Dorsey Canadian dancer, choreographer and writer. Recognised as the US’ first transgender modern dance choreographer, Dorey’s company Sean Dorsey Dance was named San Francisco's Best Dance Company. His work is heavily LGBTQ themed and aims to challenge societal norms and has received great critical acclaim, including countless awards and commissions. 

Thammy Miranda Brazilian actor and reporter. Miranda began his career as singer, model, actor and dancer before focusing on politics. He rose to fame for the music featured on his 2001 album Lindo Anjo which later saw him cast in Brazilian soap opera Salve Jorge and host/reporter of Famoso Quem?. He is now City Councillor of São Paulo.

Dylan Orr American lawyer and politician. Orr received his Bachelor of Arts in anthropology from Smith College and his Juris Doctor from the University of Washington School of Law. He is a member of the Washington State Bar Association. In 2009 Barrack Obama appointed Orr to the position of special assistant in the Department of Labor and in 2015 he was appointed to Director of the Office of Labor Standards for the City of Seattle by Mayor Murray. He has made significant contributions to several federal LGBT policies and regulations

Aryan Pasha Indian bodybuilder and lawyer. After studying law at Mumbai University, Pasha worked for the Multiple Action Research Group giving legal training to other social activists. He became the first transgender man to compete in India’s Musclemania bodybuilding competition where he placed second and has continued to maintain a career in bodybuilding at a national level.

Success

Remember, success is subjective, success is individual.

You don't have to be in a high powered job to be successful. Happiness is success, doing your best is success, overcoming your own hurdles - however small they seem to others - is success. For some people, making it through another day is success.

There is more value in enjoying life than there is being successful by other people's standards. We all progress at different rates, we are all different and we cannot measure our own success by the path of others. Don't worry if others are 'ahead' of you; it's in the journey, not the destination.

I've had my struggles and it has taken me longer than most to get to where I am in life and that's fine.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed that my achievements are not comparable to my peers. I'm in my thirties and to me my job, my flat, my ability to cook, clean and look after and support myself, my transition, my sobriety and my ability to simply live and be happy instead of merely existing and surviving are all successes that I am proud of. Things that most people have much earlier in life but that I never saw possible for myself. The things that I have overcome, the lowest points in life where I never gave up, the relationships I have formed along the way, the things I have worked hard for, while maybe not much to others are of great value to me. I am proud and I am grateful to be where I am, to have what I have now and to know that I have worked hard for it.

I may not be successful by traditional standards but it doesn't matter. I am travelling my own path through life, a path I never saw for myself.

Sometimes it's important to think about what we do have, what we have achieved. I am eternally grateful for my life as it is now and I like to reflect on that often, to just sit back and look around at what I have instead of what I don't, to remember that I worked for this and I deserve it.