i need to cut my hair i need to evolve i need to see a good thing when it’s in front of me i need to be respectful i need to listen i need to respond i need to move on
sometimes i wish i could grab my childhood self and shake them by the shoulders and say YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES ARE MADE BETTER BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE NOT DAMNED. SOMEDAY YOU WILL CRY OVER SUNSETS AND POETRY MORE THAN YOUR OWN PAIN. I NEED YOU TO REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE WORTH LOVING. but i can't go back in time, so i say it to myself now. because i believe there's a future version of me looking back on this moment feeling the exact same way.
I made a baby blanket for a pregnant woman at work and I went back and forth about it like “is this weird? To like hand make something for someone when we’re like friendly acquaintances not like bffs. God why are you so fucking awkward.” Anyway I gave it to her and she said she loved it and in the back of my head I’m like yea she’s nice and probably just humoring the weirdo. Well she texted me a picture this weekend of a scrunchy faced newborn at the hospital wrapped in the blanket I made her. And I’m like. Wow. She loved it so much she took it with her! To the hospital! To give birth! She wrapped her newborn it! I am just so filled with love and joy right now.
People will love the things you make them. Because you thought of them and you cared.
I made a quilt for one of my college professors once. He and his wife had some trouble with the pregnancy and she was on bed rest for a while. He’d mentioned it to us because he might have to leave in the middle of class if something drastic happened. Nothing did happen in the end, but I knew this was a big deal for them so I made a quilt. The first real one I’d ever made.
It was an bilingual alphabet quilt. Both the dad and mom spoke Japanese and that was a big part of their lives so I made a quilt with the English alphabet and a hand embroidered picture of something that matched the letter with both the English and Japanese word for it. I appliquéd the letters and designed all the embroideries myself. It was a lot of work but when I found my professor to give it to him he almost cried when I showed him. They sent me a picture of the baby on the quilt that I still have even though the baby is I think 12 now. For a while they had it hung on the kid’s bedroom wall and they said he would bow to it in the morning to show his gratitude and respect for the work put into it.
If you think someone is worth making something for you should do it! It’s an act of love and care in a world that is so often bereft of it.
ok well im going to build a good future for myself whether i like it or not
how do you just get up and deal with the fact that there’s a last time for everything. there was a last time you sat on your dads shoulders and there was a last time your mom tucked you into bed. there’s going to be a last time you kiss your sister on the head and there’s going to be a last time you hug your best friend. there’s going to be a last time you feel exactly as you feel right now and there’s going to be a last time that person says i love you. i need to lay down
Iain Thomas, The Light That Shines When Things End
To the person reading this, I hope tonight treats you gently, and that tomorrow looks brighter
at least once a day you should read a poem that slices you clean in half. and then you go to the post office or something
flowerais-deactivated20211031
it’s okay. it’s okay if you wandered off the path for a while. it’s ok if you haven’t started. you can find your way back. you can still catch up. you can still do amazingly. I believe in you.
6.4.20
Day 2/7 of productivity
Yeeeeeeeeeep! I’m finally starting to feel like myself and I’ve been getting stuff done and getting excited about things again.
Tracey Emin, In You, 2009, embroidery on cotton, 13 5/8 x 15 7/8 in.