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ben, 28, nyc, also @don-hertzfeldt
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“When I feel stuck, mentally stuck, my first tendency is always to walk, to wander. Thus commenced the “month of extensive wandering,” day after day, through parts of the city I knew all too well into parts of the city that were almost entirely unknown to me. And, or so it seemed, the less familiar my surroundings, the less familiar my thoughts.” - Jacob Wren, from the work-in-progress tentatively entitled Desire Without Expectation

Intense anxiety. For as long as I have been fighting my fear of dying, I should have triumphed over it. Of course not! My fear is too old, it grabs me from time to time, with redoubled violence. Nameless humiliation. What calmed me down today was thinking about the countless deaths since “life” appeared. These living, men or not, they all died, so to speak, without difficulty. Some of them had to suffer from this fear much more than I did; and yet they passed to the other side without much embarrassment. To tell the truth, it is the disease that I dread, the immense humiliation of that which spends its time around death. I am not modest enough to know how to suffer. Any trial seems to me an insult, as a provocation of fate. As long as we do not know how to suffer, we know nothing.

Notebooks Emil Cioran

Ryan Murphy: the ppl vs E. Musk

Original music by: Azealia Banks, & Arca

Elon Musk: Kyle Mchlachlan

Azealia Banks: Abra

Voice of Azealias chicken during hallucination musical sequence: Bali Baby & Rico Nasty

ABs twink assistant: Aja from rpdr

Grimes: Alice Glass

Grimes assistant: Sebastian Tribbie

grimes mom: Chloe Sevigny in old ppl makeup

Musks maids: Sarah Paulson, Indya Moore, Petra Collins, Brenda Song, Azealia Banks

Musks in house chef: Rupaul

Musks security ppl: Idk random buff actors

Russian assassins: James Mccavoy, Alek Wek & Hari Nef

FCC ppl: Kathy Bates, John malcovich, Cuba Goodinf Jr.

Musks business friends: Laura Dern, Evan Peters, Matt Bomer

Lana Del Rey: Kate Mara

Kanye West: Kanye West

Kim Kardashian: Megan Fox

Donald trump: cate blanchet

This is honestly like…the idol

Still can’t believe this hasn’t been funded yet … everyone keep reblogging

I was beginning to look for some meaning when I should have been satisfied with events. It is hard to turn away from moving water. For the time, being; twilight seen even full. I mean to say “hopelessly” in a promising tone, as one would say, “hopelessly in love,” and mean, really, “very much,” and, especially, “full of hope.” In my “trouble with conflict,” I was reluctant to be disconcerting, to cause discontinuity. Panic versus crystallographic form.  When one travels, one might “hit” a storm, from My Life, Lyn Hejinian

2023, Jan-June

  • Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. (Kelly Fremon Craig)
  • Asteroid City (Wes Anderson)
  • Beau Is Afraid (Ari Aster)
  • Creed III (Michael B. Jordan)
  • Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd (album), Lana Del Rey
  • The Face of the Jellyfish (Melisa Liebenthal) @ New Directors/New Films 2023
  • Gush (Fox Maxy) @ New Directors/New Films 2023
  • How to Blow Up a Pipeline (Daniel Goldhaber)
  • I Thought the World of You (Kurt Walker), Persistent Visions Program 1: Always and Only Place @ MoMI
  • John Wick: Chapter 4 (Chad Stahelski)
  • "Killers of the Flower Moon — Official Teaser Trailer"
  • Knock at the Cabin (M. Night Shyamalan)
  • the first 15 minutes of Magic Mike’s Last Dance (Steven Soderbergh)
  • The Outwaters (Robbie Banfitch) [+ Card Zero & File VL-624 (Robbie Banfitch)]
  • PARADISE LOST (Richard Hines) @ Daniel Cooney Fine Art 
  • Reality (Tina Satter)
  • Succession, "With Open Eyes" (Mark Mylod & Jesse Armstrong)
  • Suzume (Makoto Shinkai)
  • Vanderpump Rules, "#Scandoval"
  • A Woman Escapes (Burak Çevik Blake Williams Sofia Bohdanowicz) @ Anthology Film Archives
If one is asked how nonbeing is related to being-itself, one can only answer metaphorically: being "embraces" itself and nonbeing. Being has nonbeing "within" itself as that which is eternally present and eternally overcome in the process of the divine life. The ground of everything that is is not a dead identity without movement and becoming; it is living creativity. Creatively it affirms itself, eternally conquering its own nonbeing. As such it is the pattern of the self-affirmation of every finite being and the source of the courage to be.

Paul Tillich, The Courage to Be

“New-To-Me” - June 2023

  1. Die, Mommie, Die! (2003, Mark Rucker)
  2. Bambi (1942, David Hand)
  3. In Vanda’s Room (2000, Pedro Costa)
  4. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995, Maria Maggenti)
  5. The Color Purple (1985, Steven Spielberg)
  6. The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat 3D (1934, Louis Lumière)

+++

  • 3 Faces (2018, Jafar Panahi)
  • Another Gay Movie (2006, Todd Stephens)
  • As Above, So Below (2014, John Erick Dowdle)
  • Bringing Up Baby (1938, Howard Hawks)
  • Maurice (1987, James Ivory)
  • My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done (2009, Werner Herzog)
  • Poor Cinderella (1934, Dave Fleischer)
  • The Soft Space (2018, Sofia Bohdanowicz & Melanie J. Scheiner)
  • Stay Alive (2006, William Brent Bell)

New Releases:

  • Asteroid City (Wes Anderson)
  • The Five Devils (Léa Mysius)
  • The Flash (Andy Muschietti)
  • Of an Age (Goran Stolevski)
  • Past Lives (Celine Song)
  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Joaquim Dos Santos, Justin K. Thompson, & Kemp Powers)
  • A Woman Escapes (Burak Çevik, Blake Williams, & Sofia Bohdanowicz)