I’m so far up 5 Seconds of Summer’s ass that I have finally developed an Australian Accent.

Like when ppl are trying to get fucked up why choose a beer when you could have I dunno whipped cream flavored vodka????????

Try to tell this to a German ;p We don’t like girly drinks.

What the fuck is a girly drink how do drinks have a gender a dude ain’t got fucked up taste buds to know beer is nasty and whipped cream tastes fuckin good..

This episode on “UnnecessaryGendered Products.”

i never finish anyth

unseen gif of ashton taking care of michael, calum and luke

congrats, if you’re reading this, this means you have accessed your new secret powers of cuteness. only the ultimate cuties can read this. you’re welcome. keep it cute.

[hacker voice]: i’m in

michael manages to not give a single fuck while simultaneously being the most sensitive and cuddly human out there it’s truly incredible

there are legitimate members of society that believe that you have to be smart to understand the jokes in the big bang theory 

"Makeup is false advertising!"

Oh that’s funny. Because I’m not a product. And I’m not trying to sell myself to you.

how did my post get these notes

important things tumblr will not teach you

An Octopus unscrewing a lid from the inside.

Octopuses are going to kill us all someday

I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.

Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank

Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.

An octopus in Germany was annoyed by a bright light shining into his tank, so he climbed up over the rim and squirted water at it to short it. 

Fuckin’ octopuses, man. 

People have some real issues

you ever thought that maybe the reason girls say they’re fine when they’re not, or they’re not mad when they are, is because the second they show any semblance of emotion they’re written off as hysterical bitches that are probably on their period?

THE FUCKING DA VINCI CODE HAS BEEN CRACKED

Reblogging again, because this will never be irrelevant. 

ok my main problem with hannah montana is like how DID HER FRIENDS NOT KNOW IT WAS HER IM PRETTY SURE IF I HAD A BLONDE WIG ON MY FRIENDS WOULD HIT ME AND TELL ME I LOOK LIKE A DICK AND NOT BE LIKE OH LOOK A POP SENSATION

#NO MY BIGGEST PROBLEM IS HER DAD#EVERYONE KNEW THAT HANNAH MONTANA’S DAD WAS ROBBIE RAY #HOW DID THEY NOT #MAKE THE CONNECTION #HIS DISGUISE IS EVEN WORSE THAN MILEY’S IT’S A FUCKING MOUSTACHE

what do you call a pansexual man named nick who works at a cd store?

pan nick at the disc co.

Get the fuck out

fine, you want me to close the goddamn door too?

This is it this is the best post to have ever existed

REBLOG IF YOURE FUCKING PROUD OF MIKEY WAY

a small collection of somewhat disturbing, but otherwise entertaining posts