No Place Like Home

I have so many questions. I want to know everything about you. I'm interested in who you are, what you have to say, how you live, what you think, your likes and dislikes, what makes you tick. I'm intrigued by you. I'm delighted by you.  I wanna get to know you for myself. I want to spend time with you. Get to know your quirks, your insecurities, your desires. I want to hold you in my arms, kiss your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your lips and onward. I want you to feel safe and comfortable in my arms as I let you know everything will be alright. I want to see you smile by what I do and say. I want to love you. I want you to feel that and hear that everyday.

Not good.

Nah.

No, I am not okay.

Everything.

No.

All I want right now is somebody to love and that person to love me back. I want to spend my time with this person. Hug, kiss, cuddle, stream movies and shows with, go to different and new places with, laugh and joke around with, be myself with, encourage,  support, and grow with.

And I dont want anyone to try and withhold that pleasure from us. No one to mitigate our love, to compress or confine it to a box of what they want it to be or expect it to be.

To be honest, the cards are in my favor. I just have to play them wisely.

SAD

I’m now venturing off into densely marked territory so the decisions I make have a lot more weight to it. It makes me anxious and indecisive. I’ve been led by the system from pre-school, all the way to the end of undergrad. Then, they release us into the wild with all the other rats scrambling to get to their nonexistent destinations. Hundreds of rats trying to fill a mold for one. Filling in the empty spaces like marbles in Chinese checkers... until there’s no more spaces left so the rest are left to fend for theirselves and end up living next to our neighborhood cornerstores... begging for bread. I guess you can say my outlook on life is not the brightest right now. But Hey! I’ve already justified myself! I’m depressed. So I get a pass. 🙂

I kinda just wanna wear a spiderman suit to school everyday. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm happy with the skin I'm in.

I'm happy with the body I'm in.

I'm happy with the family I'm in.

I'm happy with the house I'm in.

I'm happy with the hood I'm in.

I'm happy with the school I'm in.

I'm happy with the classes I'm in.

I'm happy with the life I'm in.

M1 Chip MacBook Air 🖤

I miss going downstairs in the legacy building for children′s church only to see the TV and find out that we′ll be watching VeggieTales while eating snacks and drinking Caprisuns.

I miss that excitement in the dark filled with lighthearted giggles to jokes that we′ll never remember after that day. I miss that carefreeness, that childhood haze of love and warmth. Knowing that everything will be alright and believing it with every inch of our being.

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