You know you're Italian when...

Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.

You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven. You thought the pig each year and having salami, capacollo, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from your shed ceiling was absolutely normal. You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.

You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

You thought everyone’s last name ended in a vowel.

Your Mom’s main hobby is cleaning.

You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.

You thought that everyone made their own bottled tomato sauce. You never knew what to expect when you opened the margarine, after all you thought washing out and reusing margarine containers was normal.

You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.

You ate your salad after the main course.

You thought Catholicism was the only religion in the world.

You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon or broom. You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand. Your grandmother never threw anything away, you thought seeing washed plastic bags hanging on the clothes line was normal.

You can understand Italian but you can’t speak it.

You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.

You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frank, Joe or Louie.

You have relatives who aren’t really your relatives.

You have relatives you don’t speak to.

You drank wine before you were a teenager.

You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos.

You grew up in a house with a yard that didn’t have one patch of dirt that didn’t have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.

You thought that talking loud was normal.

You thought sugared almonds and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.

You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.

There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

Boys didn’t do house work because it was women’s work.

You couldn’t date a boy without getting approval from your father. (Oh, and he had to be Italian)

Every condition, ailment, misfortune, memory loss and was attributed to the fact that you didn’t eat something.

Now maybe you can understand me!

You Know You're Italian When...

All of your family lives within a 5 mile radius.

Oh, and when you’re 21 years old, living at home, and your parents want to buy you a house in the neighborhood so you don’t move away.

Guys, this is my life. HELP!