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“The scorecard looks a lot like the guest list for my family reunion....a lot of K(ay)s.”

—Michael Kay
  • Pat: I'm actually more of a Fatburger guy, I respect In N Out but the secret messages on the bottom of the cups freak me out
  • Interviewer: Pat you seem to have some issues you may need to work out by the time The Black Keys take the stage
  • Pat: No there are secret messages on the bottom, I mean there are

AND BREDA SAID LET THERE BE LIGHT

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“I have no idea what to suggest you do, except perhaps be less devastatingly attractive.”

—Jordan Phair

“I don't even need to listen to The Smiths anymore. The songs constantly play in my head.”

—A ridiculously indie kid that I really like for some reason.
  • Mom: Let's go Jack, we don't have time for this fashionista crap right now.
  • Brother: Fashionista crap?? How dare you insult our race?!
  • My English teacher: Eighth grade is such a great year. Really, it doesn't get better than this. It's the best year of your lives!
  • Students: FUUUUUUUUUU-
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