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The first time he smiled at me, when a friend holds me tightly, finally finishing something, or receiving a big paycheck are some moments that make me the happiest; but these seem to rarely last. Out of nowhere, I can suddenly feel sad. I end up missing all the good times all at once and think to myself “What changed?”
People change, work gets harder, and we will make those stupid mistakes we can never take back. The only thing we could really do is to go with the flow of what life throws at us and let them happen. We need to realize that we have the ability to discover the happy moments in our own lives. No, it may not last forever and they might not be apparent at first, but why should we make that stop us from enjoying each one while they last? The good times can always happen and being thankful for each one makes you look forward to discovering the next. We all deserve to celebrate whatever life we have, so let’s enjoy it.
So here’s to something new.From now on every day i’m going to write something new or make some type of list.So here’s to day one.A list of my turn on’s and offs when it comes to boys.It’s just a few of them.
Turn Off’s :
not kissing .
bad breath .
lack of humor.
always trying to get in my pants .
low self esteem .
over protective .
only caring about sex.
turn on’s :
kissing,kissing, kissing .
smoking cigarettes .
being able to try new things .
being alone .
That’s only a few.If you can kiss me,than you can pretty much get me to do anything.But i’ll just let you figure that and everything else out for yourself.
College was nice today, I got out of class 10 minutes early. And then for terrific tuesday they had free ice cream. It was lovely. Then I came home to study, and I tanned outside and studied.
My sibling said something that like mind boggled me.My sibling was like, when we join the gym, I want to go tanning a few times a month.Like, the fuck? We live in one of the sunniest places in the world. You would need to tan why? I swear, my sibling has the worst logic somethings, it’s so odd.
I’m just sitting here, stressed with school. I want to just work more so I can get more money so I can have more freedom and move out. All I want to do is work a lot, get my own car, and have more freedom. I want to start enjoying my life, because lately it hasn’t been happening.
I want to be able to do what I like. I mean, i’m 18 already. By the time my older sibling was 18 they could do whatever the hell they want, but I can’t. I’m so fucking sick of it. I get treated like i’m five. The other day when my mother saw my piercing, I mean, I lied but still. I should be able to have a piercing, it’s my body and i’m 18.
I want to get another piercing and a tattoo. But i’d get strangled if my parents found out. They’d tell me I can’t and wouldn’t let me. But I mean, i’m 18. I think I have enough knowledge and understanding of things. I hate how my parents treat me like I don’t know anything. I should be able to do what I want. It isn’t fair that i’m not allowed to.
All I do is sit and help my parents with their work for college. I’ve been failing this semester so they can succeed. That isn’t how it is sposto be. I hate it so much.
I just want to move out already.
- I want to live on my own
- I want to pierce whatever I’d like
- I want to tattoo whatever I’d like
- I want to be able to drive wherever without having to ask.
- I want to be able to have the friends I like and not ones you have to approve of
- I don’t want to have to call when I get somewhere
- i don’t want you to track what I spend my money on
- I don’t want you bothering me with school work
- I don’t want you bitching to me about what i’m doing in school
- I want to be able to smoke and you not say anything
- I want to be able to date who I want, and kiss who i’d like
- I don’t want you telling me how I should go about dating, i’m fucking 18.
- I don’t want to live here anymore.
- I want to move out of state and start over
- I want to be able to dye my hair when I feel, not have to ask permission and get told I can’t.
I want so many things to change. My life has just been hell lately. I can’t do what I want, not ever. I work part time, go to school full time, and do a shit load around the house. And that still doesn’t allow me to go out with friends when I want or do anything I want.
I hate it here. I want to move so far away and never look back. Lately i’ve just been so depressed and thinking too much. And of course, my best friend here doesn’t understand any of this. And I don’t want to burden my best friend because she has a lot going on and then surgery on thursday morning.I feel horrible always venting to her, I feel like I annoy her. But I don’t have anyone else.
I need more people in my life. But no one ever cares about little old me. I hate feeling like I want to cry and my throat closing up. I just hate it here. I want out. I have less than 2 years and i’ll be out. But that isn’t soon enough. Knowing my life here, my parent’s won’t let me move away. Life is over. Nothing works out. Why even bother ? Ugh,I just hate being so upset. And venting / ranting on here does nothing.
I love my friend T, she is so sweet.
I love you too sweetie. & don’t apologize, I’m just so emotional when it comes to stuff like that, & it was just so sweet! & well I’m really glad I was able to help you. I love you, I’m here don’t forget that. & I’m so sorry about him, thats a horrible thing that happened. ?: unfortunately I know all too well how god takes the young and amazing ones. Bu the only does it so they can be our guardian angels forever, no matter what. Don’t think he’s mad at you, he loves you. He can’t be mad at you, no matter what the argument was over. & he’s watching over you everyday I promise.
I wrote a letter to my best friend who died on my other tumblr account, and she read this, and texted me after she wrote this in my ask box :
So, I just read that entire thing you wrote about ____, and it honestly made me cry. /: I’m so sorry you lost him, & I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you, I hope that you and I will actually really get close, and just be best friends. It seems like we both need someone like that, I love you, and don’t forget that. But, I do have one question & you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, but what exactly happened to ___? Text me if you’d rather that <3
I’m a sucker for fill in the blanks and quotations. I always go for those first. I then branch out from where ever I get a start.
I simply cannot follow the clues from start to finish. Too ADD. Often times I’ll read a clue for the first time an hour into the puzzle, like, how have I not seen this yet??
When I finally feel exhausted from the crossword I’ll move on to the day’s sudoku. I was once asked, what happens if you can’t figure it out?, to which I was like, Gawd, Ben. You are so stupid. That would never happen.
After the sudoku I’ll go back to the xword. I always think of at least a few answers that I missed before. Sometimes a word will pop in my head that I don’t even know the definition of, but somehow I know it’s right! It blows my mind.
Thats what I love about puzzles. What they say about there being a link between daily puzzle solving and preventing alzheimers is such truth. I see it every day.
BLAHBLAHBLAH, I LOVE CROSSWORDS. fin.