Karkat Helps Equius Get His Ass Out of a Sexbot

• centaursTesticle [CT] joined chat
• carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat
• CT: D --> Help
• CT: D --> I am in dire need of assistance
• CT: D --> I don't want to trouble you, leader, but my life is in danger
• CG: WHATS WRONG THIS TIME, ANOTHER ROBOT HAS YOUR SHAME GLOBES IN A VICE GRIP AND YOU ARE TO FAR FROM THE DEACTIVATE BUTTON?
• CG: CAUSE I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED IN THAT SHIT
• CT: D --> How did you know
• CG: IM FUCKING MAGICAL, A REAL LIFE TROLL WHATS HIS FACE WITH THE SCAR THING
• CG: BUT GOD I DONT WANT TO COME DEAL WITH YOUR TROLL BITS AGAIN
• CG: DONT YOU HAVE A MOIRAIL FOR SHIT LIKE THIS
• CT: D --> She is involved in this too
• CT: D --> She's currently indisposed at the moment
• CG: OH FUCK DONT TELL ME WHAT SHES DOING
• CG: I DONT WANNA KNOW
• CG: BUT
• CG: UGH
• CG: FUCK
• CG: FINE
• CG: IM COMING OVER
• CT: D --> Thank you so much
• CT: D --> I am in your debt more than ever
• CT: D --> I'll do anything to repay you, leader
• CG: YOU CAN START BY JUST NEVER REPEATING THIS TO ANYONE. EVER. I DONT NEED THE IDEA THAT I GET TO COME MANHANDLE YOUR SHAMEGLOBES AND OTHER MAN BITS OUT OF THE VICE GRIP OF A ROBOTIC AND PROBABLY ARADIA-ESQUE SHELL OF A BEING TO BECOME PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.
• CG: JUST FORGET THE WHOLE FUCKING THING HAPPENED AND WE'LL BOTH GO ON OUR WAYS OF BEING ASHAMED AT OUR EXISTANCES AND WISHING TWO BONEHADED TROLLS WHO WERE THINKING WITH THEIR BULGES HAD NEVER PAILED TO CREATE OUR MISERABLE ASSES... OR AT LEAST THATS WHAT I'LL BE DOING
• CT: D --> Oh
• CT: D --> Okay
• CG: THANK YOU
• CG: (((LALALALALALALAAA MAGICAL TIMESKIP OF KARKAT MAKING HIS WAY TO EQQUUIIIUSSSSSS~ <--- THIS WORKS BEST IF YOU SING IT LIKE A SONG!))
• CT: D --> Oh gog
• CT: D --> Thank you so much
• CT: D --> What took you so long, sir?
• CG: OH NOT A LOT JUST THE LONG ASS WALK BETWEEN MY HIVE AND YOURS. IF YOU WERENT PREVIOUSLY AWARE WE ARE PRETTY FUCKING FAR APART. BUT NO YOUR RIGHT. I SHOULD HAVE RUN UNTIL MY FUCKING LUNGS COLLAPSED SO I COULD FREE YOU FROM YOUR HORRIFYING MOMENT WITH THE SEXBOTS. I THOUGHT YOUD BE ENJOYING THE FACT THAT YOU WERE STUCK UNDER ITS COLD ROBOT FINGERS
• CG: OH GOG DO /NOT/ REPLY TO THAT
• CG: FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING I DONT WANT TO KNOW
• CT: D --> I... that
• CG: I TOLD YOU I DIDNT WANT TO KNOW
• CT: D --> It was e%cruciatingly terrifying
• CT: D --> But
• CT: D --> I
• CG: STOP STAMMERSING OUT BULLSHIT ABOUT SHIT I DONT CARE ABOUT
• CG: NO
• CG: STOP
• CG: OR I WILL TURN AROUND AND WALK ABOUT THIS DOOR AND GET VRISKA TO COME SAVE YOU
• CT: D --> I'm sorry
• CG: YEAH WHATEVER
• CG: JUST
• CT: D --> I apologize
• CG: HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP... DOING THE THING THAT ITS DOING TO YOUR THINGS...
• CG: HOW DO I MAKE IT LET GO
• CT: D --> The remote should right over there
• CT: D --> Under the rile of rope and towels
• CT: D --> ... I'd prefer not to talk about why I have the rope
• CG: WHAT? OH OH SICK!! I DONT WANT TO TOUCH THIS!! THE TOWELS ARE ALL BLUE AND WET THAT IS SO GROESS
• CG: WHAT DO YOU HAVE THESE ROPES FOR
• CG: ...
• CG: OH GOG
• CG: SICK
• CG: NO
• CG: NO IM NOT DOING IT I AM NOT TOUCHING THE SEX ROPES AND THE WET DRIPPY TOWELS. ID RATHER STICK THAT WRENCH UP MY NOSE INTO MY THINK PAN AND WATCH MY FLUIDS FLOW DOWN MY FACE IN A GROSS STICKY MESS BEFORE ID TOUCH THAT PILE OF SHIT
• CT: D --> But
• CG: NO, REALLY EQUIUS
• CG: THIS IS REVOLTING
• CT: D --> I w00ld be extremely grateful
• CG: LIKE I CAN FEEL THE BILE IN MY STOMACH READY TO GUNG HO AND MAKE A MAD DASH FOR THE EXIT AND ONTO YOUR GROSS ASS FLOOR JUST AT THE THOUGHT OF THIS
• CG: I MAY BE A REVOLTING PEICE OF ASSFLESH THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE SEEN ALTERNIA BUT HONESTLY EVEN I HAVE STANDARDS
• CG: AS LOW AS THEY MAY BE
• CG: IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO GET THE SEXBOT DEATH GRIP OFF YOUR DANGLY BITS
• CT: D --> Well
• CT: D --> There should be an emergency power switch
• CT: D --> On the ceiling
• CT: D --> But I'm not entirely sure if you would be able to reach it
• CT: D --> It has never been a problem for me due to my superior mass and height
• CG: ... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
• CT: D --> Being here at your mercy is disgusting
• CT: D --> The stuff of night-mares
• CG: DID YOU BUILD THIS PLACE AND THINK "HMMM HOW CAN I MAKE THIS AS DIFFICULT AS FUCKING POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE WHO MIGHT WANT TO COME AND HELP ME. I KNOW, INSTEAD OF BUTTING THIS HANDY SWITCH ON THE WALL LIKE A NORMAL TROLL, I AM GOING TO PUT IT UP ON THE FUCKING CEILING. THAT'LL FUCK WITH THEM
• CG: ... OH IM DISGUSTING? WELL NO SHIT I AM PRETTY SURE I KNEW THAT, BUT POINTING IT OUT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO LEAP TO FUCKING HELP YOU
• CT: D --> In retrospect, it does seems like a bad idea
• CT: D --> And
• CT: D --> Well
• CG: WHAT OTHER TRAPS DO YOU HAVE AROUND THIS PLACE??? NEED TO FLUSH THE WASTE DISPOSAL UNIT? SCALE THIS ROPE AND SWING TO THE PLATFORM FOR THE LEVER
• CT: D --> Yes
• CT: D --> But you have no choice
• CT: D --> You must help me
• CT: D --> I command it
• CG: ...
• CG: YOU COMMAND IT?
• CG: DO I LOOK LIKE A WOOFBEAST TO YOU???
• CT: D --> And I'll have you know my waste disposal unit is perfectly normal
• CT: D --> Do you really want me to answer that
• CG: NO OF COURSE I DONT
• CG: LOOK
• CG: UGH
• CG: WHEN I MAKE IT LET GO, MAKE SURE YOU COVER YOUR SHIT OK? I DONT WANT TO SEE A FULL BLAST OF EQUIUSTACKLE OK? I CAN ONLY IMAGINE ITS HUGE AND SCARY AS FUCK AND I DONT NEED MORE SHIT TO KEEP ME UP ALL DAY
• CT: D --> But Karkat
• CT: D --> You canter-spect me to defy physics
• CG: ...
• CG: WHAT
• CG: THE FUCK
• CG: DOES THAT MEAN
• CT: D --> I'm sorry
• CT: D --> Can't expect
• CT: D --> I make puns when I'm nervous
• CT: D --> I meant that I cannot cover up as I fall to the ground
• CG: WELL FUCKING TRY
• CT: D --> Is that an order
• CG: YEAH IT IS
• CG: AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER
• CG: NOW SIT THERE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP WHILE I GO THROUGH THIS NASTYASS PILE OF WET DRIPPY BONDAGE SHIT TO GET THE DAMN REMOTE
• CT: D --> Yes, sir
• CT: D --> I will do as you say
• CG: THANKS FUCK WAS THAT SO HARD?
• CG: ... THERE GOT THE REMOTE
• CG: FUCK THAT WAS GROSS
• CG: UGH THAT SMELL IS GOING TO LAST FOR DAYS
• CG: I DONT FEEL CLEAN ANYMORE
• CT: D --> -takes a deep breath as he is released-
• CG: -CLOSES HIS EYES IMMEDIATELY, LOOKING AWAY FROM WHAT HE MIGHT SEE-
• CT: D --> I... yes, um
• CT: D --> I'll just go to the other room and get some clothes now
• CG: YES FUCK
• CG: PLEASE DO
• CG: IM GONNA GO WASH MYSELF TILL I FEEL CLEAN
• CG: WHICH WILL BE NEVER BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER
• CT: D --> W001d you like me to assist you
• CG: ER
• CT: D --> I could STRONGscrub you until you are satisfied
• CG: YOU WANT TO WASH ME
• CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
• CT: D --> Sh001d I have not been
• CG: YOU DONT THINK THATS REALLY FUCKING WEIRD?
• CT: D --> Not partic001arly
• CT: D --> Is is not customary for one of a lower station such as I to serve one above me
• CT: D --> In any way they desire
• CG: WELL I DESIRE FOR YOU NOT TO SEE ME NAKED LET ALONE RUB ME DOWN AND---WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL NAKED
• CT: D --> Oh
• CT: D --> I forgot
• CT: D --> -absconds to the next room to get clothes-
• CG: SEE WAS THAT SO FUCKING HARD?
• CT: D --> No
• CT: D --> I apologize