Blaine started laughing. “You were trying to punch me in the dick.”

“I was aiming for your face,” Kurt said. “I got distracted by your dickish personality.”

“Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my Red Room of Pain, so be my sex slave maybe?”

—Christian Grey

So I just started reading Homestuck for the first time...

This is me right now:

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Look at my life, look at my choices: Alyse reads "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Approximately eight sentences in:

Three chapters in, at which point approximately nothing of note has happened:

Feelings in re: Ana’s inner monologue:

Bafflingly, the perfect-brilliant-hot-sexy-billionaire “can’t stay away” from this moron who, it’s worthy of note, drunkenly vomited all over herself during their second encounter:

“I don’t make love. I fuck, hard.”

Randomly, Christian Grey has an explicitly-detailed sex contract:

Oh hai! Bella Ana’s a virgin!

First actual exposure to EL James’s idea of explicit erotic writing:

Truthfully, this was the point at which I started skimming more than reading in an effort not to vomit and/or cry, but subsequent reactions can basically be summed up as follows:

And, to the author:

In conclusion:

And:

My first conversation with Colleen on Steam

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