“Depois eu também podia ter escrito sobre aquele dia que você me xingou até desopilar todos os cantos do seu fígado. Eu fiquei numa tristeza sem fim. Depois pensei que a gente só odeia quem a gente ama. E fiquei feliz. ”

Tati Bernardi.

"I'm never shopping here ever again!"

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Check out the pilot for STEVEN UNIVERSE, created by Rebecca Sugar! I didn’t work on it, but I am working on the series and it’s great and everyone’s the best and oh my gosh!

If your daughter is 10, and you’ve fucked her up emotionally to the point where she asks me every time I see her, “is my mom dead?” maybe coming home to find you breaking into her dad’s house after not seeing you for 2 years isn’t the best homecoming.

Because when I have to do an emergency call with her at the school and she tells me she knows you were looking for things you could sell for drugs, it makes me want to punch you so motherfucking hard in the face.

She’s 10. She shouldn’t have to know these things. You suck. Be gone.

bitches get stuff done

  • Boss: So just wanted to check and see how you're making out with the project.
  • Me: Well, I'm still working on it. Right now, actually.
  • Boss: Oh. Well, sorry to interrupt.
  • Me: No, it's fine, you have to check up.
  • Boss: Can you give me a percentage of how much you've done?
  • Me: I will be done on Thursday.
  • Boss: You're kidding.
  • Me: No. I will be done on Thursday, probably in the morning.
  • Boss: Okay. I'll let them know.
  • Me: Let them know that any time they'd like to realize that I'm still pretty damn good at this, I'm all ears about a raise.
  • Boss: Oh, uh, okay.
  • Me: No, don't, but you know. Hint at it.
  • Boss: Got it.

How to deal with your parents

“It’s time for you to start studying”

“Izzy said no.”

“Who’s Izzy?”

“It’s not ‘who’s Izzy?’ it’s ‘where’s Izzy?’”

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