sometimes i think i have my life more or less sorted out. i endeavour to surround myself with people who are interesting and clever and beautiful. for the most part, i am studying something which i adore. all of my limbs work, i have all of my teeth and my hair is cooperative ninety percent of the time.

and then other times i’ve been sick for three days and i find myself cramming microwave popcorn into my mouth while i mope over a sylvia plath essay that won’t write itself and half sing-half weep along to the songs on my ‘it’s sunday morning and the person you slept with stayed with you and is making you tea’ playlist because it hasn’t been used in a while and i might as well get something out of it. 

Lyrics to the newest song I’m currently writing.

(Kat, I had to scrap my demo for your song, and I’m starting over. This one just sort of hit me, but I promise I’ll get yours done as soon as possible!) 

The Demon’s Boy

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Little tricks and flips on your tongue.

You let them loose.

My conscience is seducing me.

My body edges closer to you.

I watch your mouth move with ease,

comfortability.

I can feel your lips unraveling my body,

down to the core.

I turn it off.

Expect it from anywhere.

The lunar eclipse—like a full moon on steroids—falls in your sign this week, accentuating your personal fulfillment. What does having it all mean to you? Do you see that as an attainable goal? Are you reasonably satisfied in your work life, home life, love life and social life? How do your relationships help you to come closer to having it all? Or do they somehow prevent it? A phase of one partnership is ending now. Evaluating its place in the context of the various areas of your life will help you to figure out how you feel about this change.

Naramdaman mo na din ba ‘to? Yung ginawa mo na lahat. Yung khit sobrang pagod kana pero sila parang baliwala ka pa din. Hindi ka nila maappreciate. Lalo na yung mga ginagawa mo. Yung efforts mo. Ako, minsan hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ‘to. Kadalasan sa pamilya. Minsan naman sa lovelife. Bakit kaya may mga taong ganun? Kahit harapan mo ng pinapakita ang efforts mo. Kahit halatang halata ng nagpapapansin ka. Wala pa din. Sadsad pa din yung effort mo, yung 101% effort mo. Nakakapagod. Nakakasawa. Pero susuko ka ba? Hahayaan mo na lang bang ganun ganun na lang? 

Huwag dapat tayong mapanghinaan ng loob. Hindi dapat tayo sumusuko at tumitigil dahil lang sa walang nakakaappreciate ng efforts natin. Meron at meron ‘yan. Una at nangungunadyan si God. Minsan kasi yung ibang tao, hindi expressive. Akala natin hindi ayo naaappreciate pero yun pala proud na proud sila sa atin. Kung nakikita man nating parang binabaliwala tayo, ngiti ka lang. Paghusayan mo pa. Mageffort ka pa. Darating rin yung araw na maririnig mong sa totoo lang ay naappreciate nila yung ginawa/ginagawa mo.