EE: if i’d known you were curious, i would’ve dug out the albums! john’s baby pictures are organized into several large volumes, which i store at an undisclosed location. he doesn’t seem to like it much when i take them out to show guests, but i’m sure he’s just embarrassed about what a well-behaved sweet potato he was as a baby.
EE: as it is, let’s see if i can pick out a good one from the collection i keep in my wallet…
EE: ah! this one is one of my favorites!
EE: the little scamp wobbled a bit out of frame at the last moment, but as you can see, he just loved playing with my hats.
EE: we really liked to play peekaboo, too. i’d put a hat on him and it’d flop right down, and it was lights out! where was daddy?
EE: and i would whip the hat off, and every time he just laughed and laughed, fit to burst!
EE: if i left the hat on too long, he’d flop over and go to sleep, just like a parakeet.
EE: i wonder if that still works…?
EB: dad, please! oh my god! they do not need to see this! no! not the wallet pictures!
EE: john, your friends asked to see some baby pictures, how could i refuse? i was just telling them how we played peekaboo with my hats
EB: daaaaaaaad!! XO
EB: no more stories! just— no!
GG: don’t worry john, i’ll go next!
GG: but, um, sorry, i don’t really have many baby pictures or stories or whatever. :(
GG: bec is pretty much the smartest dog, but i guess he didn’t really think to take any pictures? and grandpa was never really into photography….
GG: usually if he wanted to remember something, he’d stuff it and mount it on the wall……..
GG: i don’t remember much from being a baby, but i do remember that i spent most of my time with bec!!
GG: we’d explore all over the island together! which, in retrospect, was probably a reeeeeally dangerous thing to let a baby do, but i know i was always safest when i was with bec.
GG: hehe, he probably let me crawl around so much on purpose, so i’d go to sleep faster!
GG: maybe it’s dumb, since i can’t really remember it, but i think i was a happy baby!!
BB: okay prepare yourselves for a baby blitzkrieg alright
BB: let me tell you baby dave wasnt some egbertian stroll through the park oh no this infant was the iron man competition in the middle of the carpathian mountains during a typhoon
BB: he had a personal vendetta against furniture and was determined to smash it into splinters using only the softest parts of his stupid fucking skull
BB: any consumption of food was preceded by a mandatory redecorating of the apartment in a fine layer of mashed veggie particulate matter
BB: even at a young age he showed massive talent for being a massive pain in my ass and getting away with it scott free because what was i gonna do he was just a wiggly throw pillow wearing a loaded diaper you cant fight back against that you just have to roll over like a bitch and hope they dont pop awake as soon as you fall asleep and wake the whole building with their otherworldly devilscreeches
BB: god when he was teething the thing he liked best was the neck of an ice cold beer to gum on
BB: hold on i have pics
BB: gonna send em in to corona and live off the royalties
TG: thats pretty much the best picture thats ever been taken of me
TG: shit look at the way the light plays on my fat rolls
LL: I believe Rose is left?
LL: Well, in contrast, Rose was an extremely quiet and withdrawn baby. She rarely had any troubles that didn’t resolve themselves. She was well-behaved, dignified, and mature, even as an infant.
LL: And also extremely portly.
LL: I accurately documented most of Rose’s holidays as a baby. Halloween, I believe, was her favorite.
LL: I certainly enjoyed picking out her costumes. I think the most successful one was the year that she went as a genius female scientist with impeccable taste in fashion and avant garde house design.
LL: You can see that, despite the layers fleece and the nice, soft, tailor-made cloth wig, she was in fact quite rotund.
LL: And although she has now bloomed into a slender and developing young woman, Rose will always be mummy’s little butterball.
TT: Mother, what a heartwarming statement.
TT: Might I beg the favor of a copy of this tenderly preserved photograph, so that I may have it enlarged by several magnitudes and installed in a gilt frame?
LL: Of course, darling. Allow me to pay for it.
GA: I Dont Believe It Would Be Fair To Make Assumptions About Those Who Share My Sign Nor Realistic To Think That I Ever Could Begin To
GA: I Still Find It Baffling That So Many Of You Could Have The Same Sign
GA: Such A Thing Is Unheard Of In Troll Culture But I Suppose You All Seem To Get Along Well Enough With The Way Things Are
GA: Once I Get Past The Strangeness Of The Thought I Suppose I Feel A Sort Of Fondness For You
People… actually got mad at John over that? When that update happened, a lot of people on my timeline were all gushy and happy and called John a sweetie. (But then again, I follow quite a few DaveJohn shippers so that may be why, haha.)
We must be following very different people then. And I don’t know if it’s necessarily the DaveJohn shippers since people I follow ship it too as far as I know? It was kind of like they were disappointed that he wasn’t being nicer about it or something, like when JohnVriska shippers got up in arms about John talking about her like she was nothing (which again I think was speaking too quick because then as soon as he saw a troll he asked if she was Vriska, so obviously he didn’t actually forget her name)
Who knows. But that’s interesting that we saw such different responses!