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Sometimes the metal scene bums me out so much.
I go to shows because I want to see the band, first and foremost. Yet time and time again, when reading articles against girls in the metal scene or just seeing the lack of interaction other than a direct flirt, it gets disappointing. My boyfriend points out that he likes to stick close to me at shows because he always notices guys checking me out and doesnt want me to be approached or bothered like I am sometimes when I roam alone and get the odd drunken-dude that demands a number. I appreciate my boyfriends incentive, but then it got me thinking:
Guys only talk to me when I am single, then when I am in a relationship, they back off like I have been taken as some private property who cant have a conversation with another guy. When I used to go to metal shows alone, I was there for the band and talked to some people now and then, and it was fine. Then, when back in a relationship, my boyfriend can joke around with a guy selling him a cd, but when I go to buy the merch after him, I get a stern respectful face and a handshake like I am too much of a lady. What I am trying to get at here is, I have only been taken way too seriously as a girl in general and stepped back from in the metal community, or seen as the ‘girlfriend’ of the ‘true metalhead’ guy I am with. I love my boyfriend dearly, and I know he has nothing but respect, and we both exchange bands all the time so he doesnt doubt me in anyway. But its not about him, its about the community and this double standard.
Dont get me wrong - I know this doesnt relate to everyone. I have met cool people in the metal scene that are sweet dudes, and I don’t mean to generalize anyone here. .
As far as respect or acceptance goes, I feel like girls who go for the tomboy jeans and tee type get in as a friend, but if a girl dresses up, has pictures with a metal tee and skirt or whatever else that reads feminine - they are ultimately seen as attention seeking with the abuse of metal. And if metal is a ‘brotherhood’ and guys can become buds by just seeing another in a metal shirt, why isnt there a ‘sisterhood’ ? Why do girl scoff at other girls wearing a band shirt, while the other girl does the same to you? Are girls just generally used to not being taken seriously, so in turn they dont take OTHER girls seriously?
I just dont see why girls should have to prove themselves to have respect, if guys get respect by just wearing a single metal shirt.