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I do not own two dogs (press J to skip)
Okay so let me set one thing straight because I think some of you out there in the big wide world of zoology have got something terribly wrong.
The following research has been carried out in a highly scientific and unbiased manner with in depth studies of a wide field of subjects. Namely my two pets. I say pets, not dogs. I own one dog.
This is the dog.
The dog (Frodo, by name) generally has two modes of sitting and two modes of lying down.
The slug is defined by the general snugness of shape, notably the ‘tucking in’ of front paws beneath the body.
The albatross varies from the slug in but one regard, and that is in the pushing out of the elbows. Otherwise the ‘dog’ shape is largely unaffected save for contact with the supporting surface (note the smooshing of the muzzle area.).
In the seated position here we can remark on the general solidity and ‘adorable’ traits of the classic formula, which creates a satisfyingly dumpy but robust silhouette.
The alternative is no less charming, but less stable, which can easily lead to subsidence and consequently the final and perhaps most significant pose adopted by a dog when in a state of high relaxation.
Here we see the dog in a state of comfortable collapse, but there is clearly some definition; a rib cage, hips, a bricky but decidedly cute form.
Now, to the second subject of study.
This is the second pet, name of ‘Tilly’, which is not a dog.
This is the whippet.
Whippets, as one may observe here, are entirely two-dimensional and generally thrive under or within a separate form of covering (also known as a ‘blanket’). This symbiotic relationship is advantageous for the whippet, who benefits by not feeling the cold that comes with living within the British Isles, and for the blanket, which gets to cuddle up to a strange mythical creature with a piece of curled liquorice for a tail.
The whippet has been bred for immense speed, and as a result is highly aerodynamic, has a large surface area to dispel the excess heat from exothermic activity, and is mounted upon long, stilt-like legs.
From the side the design makes perfect sense and the whippet can be perceived to be a truly elegant and dynamic creature. From the front, however, it more or less bears resemblance to a cross between a praying mantis, Benedict Cumberbatch and a collection of snooker cues stuck onto a piece of MDF that fell off the back of a lorry somewhere along the M6.
This highly two-dimensional design can cause difficulties in the matter of repose, mostly due to the fact that is can be highly strenuous for the whippet to right itself without looking like a camel stranded in quicksand. Your whippet can, however, be easily elevated with the correct application of leverage.
The last point of interest for determining whether your creature is a dog or that curious blend of deer, rubber hosing and broomstick that is the whippet is that of the neck. The neck of the whippet is a curious article that abides to little or no reason whatsoever and can generally be relied upon to make no sense at all.
The whippet has also neglected to notice that its nose extends beyond the length of its skull, leading to some mechanical difficulties when it comes to such tricky affairs as ‘licking stuff off the floor’.
In a nutshell; whippets are not dogs, they are strange alien beings who have been put together without being properly thought out and are very affectionate and amusing companions.