What to not fucking do on a first date:
So, I went on my very first date tonight. I was told the guy was 23, turns out he’s almost 28…yeah, too old for me. But here’s some stuff I learned:
- Don’t talk about your ex and her fucking kids on a first date. He also talked about his other ex’s. Classy.
- Don’t talk about how you got so drunk you threw up all over your friends’ bathrooms on numerous occasions. Oh, super cool. Thanks, that makes me think super highly of you.
- Don’t sit so fucking close to me when I JUST MET YOUR ASS.
- Don’t talk to me about how you’re ready to ‘settle down’. I’m only 20. I can barely take care of myself. Also, don’t say how you want to marry a good cook and then ask me if I can cook. Obviously I’m going to just say NO.
This guy was nice enough, but there was absolutely no connection…and he’s 8 fucking years older than me. I went into this thinking he was 23, and then he told me he was 27 and ready to settle down and have a family and what the actual fuck? Like, I’d love to be married and shit, but I’M ONLY 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I’m obviously not ready to be married. At least I got good beer out of this.