Listen Here, You Little Shits: Grammar Nazi Edition

Alright you whoredumpsters, sit down and listen the hell up.

I’ve noticed a fuckton of people misusing “thee” and “thou”, and it’s time someone sat you poor skankwads down and taught you how to use these pronouns correctly.

“Thee” and “Thou” are the Early-Modern English (think Shakespeare or Henry Tudor) equivalents to “Tu” (Spanish) and “Toi” (French).

For those illiterate fucktards who don’t know what that means, “thee” and “thou” are the informal versions of “you”.
 Let me spell this out for you: You only use “Thee”, “thou”, or “thine” when referring to someone you know very well or who is younger than you—a friend, a loved one, a family member, your neighbor— OR when you’re being a condescending little dickball.
On the other hand, you only use “you” for formal situations (like “usted” in Spanish or “vous” in French)—such as with your teachers, your boss, maybe your parents, especially with strangers or customers.

On a slightly less related note:

Keep in mind, also, that this is Early-Modern English, which means that while some words are pronounced a little different, for the most part people spoke the same. Shakespeare was poetry, not colloquial verse. The commoners didn’t understand a word of Shakespeare’s verse, which is why there would be a straightforward phrase now and then (like, “he killed me! I am dead!” or, “She lives!”) and why it’s so important to see Shakespeare performed (don’t get me started on the absolutely shitty way most teachers cover Shakespeare).

So, other languages use Thee/Thou… why don’t we? Well, I’ll tell you why. Mother. Fucking. Puritans. They were firm believers that everyone should be formal to everyone else, all the time, even in bed with their husbands/wives. Everyone has to say “you”; you should only be familiar with God.

But that’s a different rant for a different day.

Now I hope you learned something because I sure as shit am not repeating this. Go forth, you little shits, but for the love of god, quit fucking with the English language.