“It is a shockingly common occurrence in my life that women are gifted unto me seemingly with very little effort on my part, and at a certain point after the ludicrous bounty, you have to finally wonder why. Is it because I'm just so baseline physically attractive? Debatable. More likely it's cuz of this. Karma. I mother fucking earned it. I was the fecal molecule of a maggot 50 lives ago. 49 lives ago a parasite on a sea cucumber. Worked my way up from there paying my reincarnatory dues. Coral, an earwig, a sewer rat, a crackle, guinea fowl, clown fish, ocelot, eventually vaulting up the evolutionary chain up to dog- but like a shitty small dog, failed immediately by parvo or canine SIDs. Monkey, monkey, down to otter, monkey, chimp, then finally human but OOPS, FUCK! I'm a child sex slave, and I live in a well. But in all these incarnations I was good and kind and humble and accepted my fate patiently, so thus, after an endless series of short, oft brutal lives, I was finally finally finally born as me, Andrew Botwin, effortless receiver of tail. It's just a theory of course, but if it's not biology and it's not karma, then there is a puppet master out there who enjoys watching me get my freak on. And that would mean God basically, and I would have to rethink, well, everything.”