“Today, among other things that happened, a man, on the way to campus, took out a container of vaseline on the bus. He had been sitting down politely enough and wasn't someone you'd expect to do something gross or outrageous. His hair was short and thinning. He was youngish and wore glasses. He sat calmly. Then he put about two tablespoons of that greasy stuff onto a finger, dipping and redipping it into the full size tub, and then he rubbed it into his hands. Oh god did he rub it into his hands...”—
Excerpt from Don’t feel self-conscious about drinking a root beer on a bus at 10 am because by Lynn. Always fabulous, funny, and incisive. Always.
Beauty Tip #6: Longer lasting perfume
If you’re dry skinned and is having trouble keeping the smell of the perfume on your body, use Vaseline or any oil based skin-benefit product. This helps the the smell of your perfume last longer on your body because of the oil. Just rub some Vaseline on the desired area of your body and spray the perfume on the same area afterwards.
Vaseline/Harley - Joke of the Day
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
‘Well, it’s quite simple, really,’ says the seller, ‘whenever the bike is outside and it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.’
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, ‘I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.’
‘When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.’
‘No problem,’ he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and f*ndles her bre@sts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and scr3ws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
‘She’s got a great body,’ he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her p@nties, and scr3ws her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has a big org@sm, he sits down again.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket…
Suddenly the father shouted….
‘I’ll do the fcuking dishes!