Big Boring Wedding

Today I tried to form an opinion about the Royal Wedding, but I didn’t get very far. The internet persisted in going on about the whole thing, so I tried to narrow those thoughts down to an opinion about the dress. This failed too.

My thoughts on dresses generally fall under two categories: “That would look good on my body” and “Whatever.” My thoughts on wedding dresses rely more on descriptive adjectives like “white” and “expensive”. I have spent more time in my life caring about Laika the space dog than about dresses. No regrets.

Then the internet kept going on about someone named “Pippa” and her great style. I had to use Google to find out that that was the name of the sister of the bride. (As a person with an uncommon name, I would like to point out that I am not upset by Pippa’s name, but by the media’s sudden over-familiarity with her. Also, I am jealous that she neither has to spell her name, correct its pronunciation, nor explain its origins to every living person. But I digress.)

This article was suggested to me, by the internet, after all of this Royal Wedding Googling. Now I have to live with the fact that there is a demand for Disney wedding dresses by adult women. 

That is as far as my thoughts on the Royal Wedding went. However, I found the Parks and Recreation wedding to be quite moving.

The dress was great because it is basically a shift. That is like getting married in historic underwear. 

The lack of religious ceremony was also wonderful. Kneel, stand up, sit down has always proved challenging for my stockings. Why would you want religion near your happy day anyway? Look at what it has done to the Middle East. 

This has been my yearly quota for thoughts on weddings.