UCLA Finals

are quite unpleasant. How would I know this?

…Well.

On Friday, March 22nd, I went to school. My spring break had started Wednesday, when I’d arrived back in LA, but I had two more finals scheduled — neither of which were administered by the University of Chicago.

On Friday morning, I was on my way to UCLA when I texted Jonathan, asking him when and where his physics final was. At first, he was wary (as he should be — there’s no way that having your friend show up to a final you were taking could end well), but I finally got the information I needed.

I showed up ten minutes late. I was absolutely calm, and my empty hands revealed that I was giving no craps. The TA handed me a test, wished me the best of luck, and smiled. She had no idea I had never once showed up to this class, let alone to this school.

Good thing I didn’t study, because I didn’t know a single thing on that test. Here is a picture of one of the many things I did do:

I spent my time doodling and taking daredevil pictures like this one:

Although, what could they have done if they caught me? Kick me out? Give me a zero on the final? Expel me from the school?

After thirty tense minutes (for the test-takers, not me), I stood up, calmly collected my belongings, and made my way down to the front of the lecture hall. I could feel people following me with their eyes all the way down to the front. There, I handed in my final, shook both TAs’ hands, thanked them for a wonderful quarter, and left.

I did the same for Daniel’s English final later that afternoon, in which I wrote a strongly worded letter to the administration and several less-than-appropriate poems.

Now, you may be wondering why I decided to take a final for two classes I’d never once been in. In retrospect, I can’t quite remember either. But, at the very least, I hope I freaked every single person in there out when they realized that someone had just finished the 2-hour test in a little under an hour. And it was also pretty satisfying knowing I’d just infiltrated a school, messed with its system, and just left.

Yeah, suck it, UCLA.