okay i think the backlash against chris brown is beyond warranted but
where’s the backlash against michael fassbender? and other white dudes who’ve hit their partners? they’ve been participating in prestigious events. they’ve been lauded for their roles and their careers, they’ve been photographed out relaxing and having fun
what chris brown did was terrible. but if you’re only going to condemn him, and none of the white guys who’ve done the same things, then you should examine your outrage because i’m not sure it’s coming from the place of righteousness you think it is
Okay, I’ve figured out why the broken wrist made me so uncomfortable.
(TW: Domestic Violence)
It isn’t the Doctor’s fault that River is in that situation. It is just unfortunate that she is in the angel’s grip. He quickly establishes that the only way for her to get out is for her to break her wrist. Maybe you could argue that they could have just smashed the angel, but that probably would have broken her wrist in the process anyway. So, we have arrived at a situation where the wrist must be broken.
And yet, the Doctor still makes it River’s fault. She is yelled at, and shamed and made to feel apologetic for being in a situation where she had to break her own wrist. The Doctor puts a huge amount of emotional pressure on her to get out of the situation, when he knows full well she cannot do it without help (which he quickly withdraws) or breaking her wrist. And he blames her for it. She hides her injury like she should be embarrassed about it, like she should feel apologetic.
Never let him see your damage. This is what River says. The damage that the Doctor has essentially given her, because he put the pressure on her to get out by any means unnecessary. River hides her injuries, apologizes for getting them despite it not being her fault and the Doctor is made to be the hero for healing her despite the fact that he is the one who put the pressure on her in the first place.
To me, this hugely echoes the shaming relationship between a victim and an abuser.
I don’t know if anyone else interpreted it this way, but I’d be interested to hear. I’d also like to re watch the scene, and check it for the signs of an abusive relationship, because I am really fucking unhappy about this. Expect that post in the next couple of days.
Meta Monday: Domestic Violence Against Women
Purple with rage, the king lashed out, a vicious backhand blow to the side of the head. She stumbled against the table and fell hard, yet Cersei Lannister did not cry out. Her slender fingers brushed her cheek, where the pale smooth skin was already reddening. On the morrow the bruise would cover half her face.
Cersei, Sansa, Jeyne Poole, and others are victims of violence perpetrated by the men to whom they are engaged or married. GRRM is accused in some quarters of fetishizing violence, particularly violence against women. This might be construed, however, as merely reflective of the era that inspires much of ASOIAF. Since violence is endemic to Westerosi society and perhaps to the Middle Ages as well, we will revisit violence in upcoming weeks, but today’s topic will focus on domestic violence. Was violence of this sort the accepted norm in medieval society?
Do you also have Cockteasing Whore for all the women that dare to be friends with men-folk and not want to have sex with them? Because a lot of decks seem to leave that one out and I haven't been able to find it for AGES.
I am so sorry, but over the course of the last decade we’ve fazed out the Cockteasing Whore card and replaced it with the Friendzoning Bitch card as a response to popular vernacular. If you’d like, you may feel free to look into our retro packages, which, in addition to the Cockteasing Whore option, also includes such novelties as the Hysterical Woman card, the Needs A Strong Hand card, and the Property Card, a perennial favorite from back in the day.
[TW: domestic violence] Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death
theonion.comLOS ANGELES — After revealing yesterday that he had recently split up with longtime girlfriend Rihanna, a heartbroken Chris Brown tearfully told reporters that he always thought the 25-year-old singer was going to be the woman hed beat to death…
The Onion is really gunning for black women and girls this year with no shame whatsoever.
There is a new meme going around Reddit and Tumblr.
[TRIGGER WARNING: domestic violence, misogyny]
It’s called (HUGE trigger warning on this link) Domestic Violence Turtle and it is, as you might expect, stunningly unfunny.
What is exhausting to me about this meme is not only that each page has ten different versions of “bitch get me a sandwich” or “bitch get in the kitchen” jokes, but that it exists in a world that’s supposed to be post-feminist. Of course, we know that such a world does not exist, and if anything could prove that (other than, of course… everything else that could prove that, from the GOP’s War on Women to the default sexualized woman on TV and in movies), it is the fact that there is now a fucking meme whose entire premise is that domestic violence is funny.
I keep trying to think of a way to finish this with a punchline, some kind of wry sarcasm in the face of this kind of bullshit, but I can’t. I just feel bitter. I am dully unsurprised by this particular development and wary of posting my outrage anywhere, because you know, it’s a joke. I’m just a humorless feminist. Can’t I take a joke?
“What I want is for you to write FUCK ME on your chest. And then I want you to walk out that door and I want you to walk down the street and anybody that wants to fuck you, say sure, no problem. And when they do, you have to say thank you very much and make sure that you have a smile on your face and then you stupid fucking coward, you’re going to know what it feels like to be a woman.”
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
(TW: Abuse, discussion of mental illness, eating disorders, domestic violence)
I was physically abused as a child by my biological father.
I don’t talk about it often, but it something that has made me a strong advocate for domestic violence.
But what I really don’t speak about is the emotional abuse that I still go through on a regular basis from my biological father.
So what is emotional abuse?
“Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).”
Aggressing
- Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
- Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.
Denying
- Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, “ etc.
- Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”
- Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.
Minimizing
- Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
- Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.
(source http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168)
Since a very young age. I can remember my biological father, Hank, doing these things. Saying that I am “crazy” (oddly enough I was diagnosed with numerous mental illnesses later in life) standing over me while I ate asking if I thought if I “really needed to finish that”, irrationally screaming at me for things and then when I would cry telling me that I was acting irrationally and being a baby about things. I will never forget on the day I was diagnosed as being bipolar, I had to call him because he provides my insurance and this diagnosis would effect that. His only words to me were “I thought you were the strong one.”
When I was hospitalized when I almost died from my eating disorder, he never called, he never came to visit - nothing. Never even sent me a damn card. Mind you - he pays for my insurance. It’s not like he didn’t know this shit was going on. He got monthly statements. But he couldn’t even call.
Also, this isn’t be playing a victim or a martyr. I have two sister that share this father. He has purchased both of them a new car. I was told that I had to pay for my car myself when I asked him to HELP, not pay for it, HELP. My biological father makes over 100 grand a year and refuses to help me financially at all, with the exception of my insurance. Yet he pays for my sisters schooling, insurance, cars, car insurance and for housing for one of them.
Recently, I was able financially, physically and mentally to go back to school. I had texted Hank, looked for support in this. This was what I received from him:
Now I’m sure you’re thinking “WHY THE HELL DID SHE APOLOGIZE TO THAT ASSHOLE?!”
Because that is all you can do when someone is that involved in their delusion.
Verbal validation is a perfectly normal thing to want from a parent, any parent. And Hank’s inability to give it to me doesn’t mean that I am wrong or bad or strange. It means that he is emotionally undeveloped.
It means that he is being emotionally abusive. He is withholding. He is denying me things that I emotionally need. And that is wrong, that is abusive.
He calls it love, but what it is really is pride. He is too proud to admit that he is wrong, that his daughter might have emotional needs. That he also might be suffering from a mental illness that he cannot control.
I wish I had better advice for people who are in similar situations.
I distance myself the best I can from him. But things still hurt. I would be a liar if I told you they didn’t.
I look forward to a day when I don’t have to depend on him for my insurance, to be honest, it is the only thing that keeps me from screaming at him sometimes.
That One Trope in Fanfiction
Or, why seeing stories where Garrus ‘loses control and attacks Shepard’ is used as a device to further their relationship really, really bother me.
(I was going to add the string that is going around this morning, but… I realized this is my own, personal soapbox… and I’m not sure if this is what the OP was even referring to. *shrug*)
I’ve put some warnings on this, because I am going to talk about domestic violence in a way that might be triggering for some folks. Better safe than sorry, yeah?
I’m of the mindset that media impacts people. The images and words we take in impact us as a society, and individually. Magazines and television and books and commercials all have an impact on how we see ourselves, our relationships, our lives. I don’t think there’s a single woman out there (single man, maybe, I don’t pretend to speak for another gender) who hasn’t felt the enormous pressure to meet the standard of beauty portrayed in popular media.
Wait, you might say, what does this have to do with fanfiction?
(cut for content, as well as length)
So that ‘A Voice for Men’ website, yeah?
I’m doing an assignment on gender inequality and I was going through the comments on a post about traditional women or whatever which was pretty horrible in its own right. And then I found this:
One day while walking to work, to work because nobody will financially support me based on what I was born as, and WALKING because as a man there are no free rides, literally or metaphorically.
As I was saying, one day while walking to work I saw a bloody display of violence mid-act. A visibly angry man was clutching the shirt of a woman who was holding an infant. He was livid about something and with one arm was pinning her against the concrete sound wall beside the freeway. Her face was a bloody mess and she was crying snotty bloody tears. One hand clutching the baby, one hand trying to cover her face. She looked at me, giving me those helpless eyes, those victim eyes, that cry for help from one human to another. Before I knew what was going on I felt the overwhelming urge to help.
Then I thought, “Naw, he’s a big guy, he can take her.”
And I kept walking to work, this time whistling happily with a large smile and a skip in my step.
I was raised by a single and abusive mom who tried, tried and failed, to blame all her problems on men. I saw how she would date violent men who would beat us and then blame “men” for it. Or she would date a regular guy and slowly, over a few months, twist him emotionally and psychologically where he would become a monster, then she would blame men. She would cry to me, telling me I was the only man she could trust. Funny, how she allegedly trusted me but hit me and abused me FAR more than any man ever has or ever could.
I was around 5 years old when she had one of her cry fits after getting beaten up from her provoking a known psychopath, she said, “It’s not your fault your dad left. Don’t blame yourself.”
I, just a wee Johnny Blank, said coldly, “I don’t blame myself. That’s absurd. You drove him away. I don’t blame him, I blame you. You date crazy people, you have two children to look out for. You need to be the adult, but you’re crying on me.” It should go without saying that for those words I received a beating I remember to this day. After every beating, which was always far more prolonged and severe than anything any man ever gave me, was followed immediately by feigned affection, forcing me to hug her and tell her that I loved her.
Years later I confronted my mother about this and, like all her misdeeds, she claimed, “I don’t remember any of that happening, it’s all in your head.” Motherhood is bullshit. I’ve seen DV first hand and can say, nay, SHOUT that it’s almost entirely the womans fault, EVERY TIME. I not only have no sympathy for women, I enjoy seeing them destroyed. Why shouldn’t I? They feel the same way about men, and it happens every day, and it’s legal, and people cheer when it happens.
My mom will never serve any prison time for how she beat, abused and molested me. What’s more is nobody even believes me. What’s more is that people will take the side of someone they’ve never met based simply on the demographic of the people in the story.
Endless fury. I will not stop any mans fist. I will smile as it flies into a mouth that has deserved it 10,000 times before but never received.
I am horrified. I just… this actually terrifies me, that people like that actually exist in the world. I scrolled down a little bit further hoping to find at least one person who was like “no, dude, you’re so wrong”. But what did I find?
…I always think twice before a woman is crying abuse, because while I do not advocate violence, she more than likely had it coming not sorry to say…
Did you at least remove the infant from her arms so the man could get a clear shot?
I am so frightened, appalled, terrified to my very core that there are people like this out there supporting treatment of women like this.
URGENT CALL FOR HELP; TW: ABUSE; ABLEISM
Hi all! I’m posting this because I’ve seen lots of people successfully raise money and help via tumblr and my friend desperately needs some help!
Last night my friend’s Instagram and Facebook account info were leaked to her ex-husband who is a violent, unstable, abuser who she dealt with and escaped from after 10 years of sick physical and emotional violence against her. Last night this abuser broke into her apartment and stole all her possessions and tried to attack her and her new partner. He told her he will not be paying her spousal support which she relies on exclusively for paying for living expenses and chronic disabilities. Within 15 days (the beginning of next month) she’ll be homeless if she can’t raise enough money to stay in her apartment and more importantly (or just as importantly?) she has no money to pay for medicine, health insurance, or any other bills.
Tumblr, please help my friend out. She needs kind of a lot of money ($1200) but anything will help especially when her life has been completely violated by a friend passing this info along to her— Please consider donating something via paypal or at the very least reblogging this.
I have no idea how to make a button or link for paypal but the email address is xhelplilianax@gmail.com
Please help and thank you so much.
About Beiste...
After some reflection, I’ve realized why I’m so deeply offended and upset by Glee’s handling of the domestic violence story line.
Yes, it’s another example of Glee’s new habit of trotting out guest stars (read: characters the writers view as disposable) in an effort to teach a lesson.
Yes, it was incredibly cheap of them to use domestic violence as a cliff hanger.
Yet, as much as those aspects are incredibly upsetting, what offends me most is that Glee presented domestic violence/violence against women as strictly a women’s issue.
