jealousy

Ugly, horrible, big, filthy, green-eyed yuckiness. Let me begin by saying that I very rarely get jealous. I’m usually too focused on something I’m at to worry about what other people are doing. It’s not that I think I’m particularly wonderful or anything, I just think it’s like a rocking chair… Gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.

However, occasionally I get hit by it. And I mean HIT! It’s like a big sucker punch of inadequacy right in the gut. The gut that I’m suddenly convinced is hideous and in no way acceptable as a part of my own anatomy.

Now my jealousy or big-insecure-shit-fits as they’re more commonly known are intense but short lived. For this I count myself lucky. I am not burdened by a heavy, constant blanket of green. Here are some of the things I’ve been jealous of lately.

People who are on the property ladder.
Women on The Sartorialist.
Successful designers.
The girl who says no to dessert.
People who work from home.
Women with straight hair.
People who get to write for a living.

I’m not stupid enough to think that I’m hard done by and I am not looking for compliments. I am well aware that there are people out there who may once have glanced at me with a glint of green in their eye at some point. My point is that jealousy in someways can be a good thing, it pushes you towards your ideal and lights a fire up your ass. Providing you don’t wallow in it and use it as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself for long periods of time. I allow myself one day.

One day of jealousy every now and again. Then I get up the next morning… suck it up and soldier on.

So I’ve shared mine, tell me what beings your green eyed monster out to play?