i don’t have the stomach
for negativity
i guess that’s why i stay in my room all day
i guess that’s why i have panic attacks
in crowded restaurants and anytime
a stranger looks over at me
i’ve come to expect the worst and
i don’t have the stomach
for any of it
i guess that’s why
every time i start to feel bad about myself
i make myself feel nothing
don't criticize the way I live my life.
don’t tell me
that youth is wasted
on me
don’t insinuate
that I am a waste
of space
don’t tell me
that I am a waste
of anything
because I already tell myself this.
wasting away is what I fear the most
and then I try to live life to what I think
is the fullest, the most life I can live
but you condemn my choices—
how would you spend your youth?
playing it safe and living life
just as you are now?
I’m beginning to think
that you are a waste
and youth would be wasted
on the likes of people like you
who just occupy space
until it’s time to go.
I’m not nearly as aloof as I act
and I’m not as serious as I seem.
my happiness does not correlate
with the size of my smile.
sometimes I talk more when I’m sad
and sometimes I don’t talk at all.
I don’t know why I like to be ambiguous
about everything in my life
but I think it might have something to do
with expectations
and how I don’t want anyone to have them;
especially about me.
I don’t like letting people down
and I don’t like making people worry
so I tend to exist in a twilight state
where grey is more than just a color.
