Season 3, Episode 11 Recap
Hey guys! It’s me, Anna! Sue is too busy being pretty and famous to write this week so I get to talk about Maddie as much as I want! Muahahahahah.
Omg the previews for this episode look as insane as the show is. Why am I surprised? Of course it’s insane, that’s why we love this place.
Did anyone read that book about the crazy Chinese mom? Abby reminds me of her.
Abby’s being really strange about them getting second, maybe she’s not screaming bc she’s losing her voice??
McKenzie, Nia, and Paige are at the bottom, what else is new.
Holy shit! Maddie is next! Who’s on the top???
Kendall is next, and then Brooke is on top!
Of course Brooke is, she’s the oldest. It’s about time. Mufasa gets a huge boner bc Kendall is second in the pyramid. Picture Mufasa from the Lion King with a boner.
Poor Chloe isn’t even on the pyramid bc Abby is still punishing her for having a psycho mom.
Abby wants to do a dance about the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy in the military, WTF? Brooke, Kendall, and Maddie get solos.
Jesus, if they keep adding in dumb stuff like Abby yelling at the moms bc this is a 2 hr episode I’m gonna puke my Fage all over the place. Guys, I love Fage yogurt!
Melissa starts talking about her wedding to another man who’s wedding band she isn’t wearing…I don’t understand her secret life.
I don’t think Abby understands the military. But it’s hip hop and I’m pumped! Why the hell is she being so mean to So and So? Don’t be mean to poor lil So and So!!!
Ummm WTF? Did the producers find some sad soul to be Abby’s boyfriend? This conversation is so staged. I feel like there might not be anyone on the phone?? :(
Christi and Kelly are actually cracking me up.
OMG ABBY REVEALS THAT SHE MET THIS GUY IN A GAS STATION!
Kendall rehearses her solo, did Abby say she was “dead in the face”? Probably. Kenzie is dancing with a hurt foot. Melissa if your daughter is hurt she shouldn’t dance! Maddie gives great face even in rehearsal, I love that girl.
Abby gets her nails done for her date. This is an awkward scene. Why do the moms come and join her? Pennsylvania is so weird.
Jill is trying to help Abby look beautiful for her date by putting a scarf on her that covers up her neck and face. That might have been the smartest thing Abby’s ever done.
Jill is grinding by herself, I think all of the moms need to leave and go buy vibrators.
Maddie’s solo is full of new cutting edge moves, I can’t wait! Love it.
HOLY SHIT LOUIE! He’s wearing a bow tie and has a patchy beard. Wtf. He’s clearly a gay intern at Lifetime that the producers paid to date her. Why are the moms badmouthing Abby to him before their date? OMG. This is such an awkward episode! Abby does look super cute…for Abby.
Ummm he rented the entire restaurant out for their first date? Clearly he’s embarrassed to be seen with her or this is a ridiculous producer ploy! Abby admits to him she has a long distance relationship—with who?? OH NOW WE GET IT. He’s writing a book, so this is research.
Abby laughs like a squealing pig. Abby, I don’t think he was kidding! He reveals that he used to be a male stripper—wtf is this show!?!!?!?!!
Brooke’s solo looks hippy dippy and awesome. She would have been really cool to smoke pot with in the 60’s right guys? HEY! I just watched Forrest Gump again, I hadn’t seen it in forever I forgot how wonderful of a movie it is. So good!
Mufasa is getting Simba new headshots. Why so much makeup?? Her hair looks great though. Also, can we acknowledge how weird this studio is?? Why on earth does Jill push Kendall off the stool and try to take her own headshots?
Now the drunks are trying to find second hand wedding dresses in downtown Pittsburgh, but they’re all in a limo so I guess that means they’re classy?
Why on earth would you serve big fatty cupcakes and have LIT CANDLES at a fitting??? I feel like wedding dresses are some of the most flammable things… This scene is all fun and what not but I can’t help but think of the best scene in Bridesmaids.
Kenzie finally gets to go home bc of her hurt foot.
Sorry guys, I got so distracted watching the best scene in movie history. “I don’t think the kids really give a SH*T what the name of their dance is.” THANK YOU KELLY. Christi has such great one liners in this episode I love it.
Abby brings the moms down to have them explain to their kids what being gay means. This show is so fucking weird. Kelly has a weird conversation with her daughters about gay boys who dance. Kenzie has a sprain and she can’t dance for 72 hours :(
Kendall’s Solo! Her costume looks great, her face still looks dead though. Poor girl has no soul!!!!
Maddie’s Solo! Her costume is kind of like a lil white girl Miss Cleo. Woah, this is an intense dance though and she’s killing it! That spin into a jump is so badass. Say what you want about Abby but she is a damn good choreographer!! I’m so happy Sue is not writing with me right now bc she would probably have something mean to say about Maddie but seriously, how could you say anything mean about that girl when she pours her soul out onto the stage like that? It was so good! Come on Suzy, can you please admit that Maddie is awesome?!? MADDIE IS A DEMON.
Kendall you suck. Mufasa, just face it, your kid is boring. Umm guys. I have an addiction I’m struggling with. I’m addicted to those Cadbury creme eggs. Everytime I go to Duane Reade I just have to buy one! They are right next to the checkout, makes it so easy!
Now there’s some weird conspiracy that Kenzie isn’t actually hurt. Why do the moms care?
Brooke’s Solo! Brooke looks great, but she does slip a bit at one point. Oh well, I still love her.
What is the deal with Kenzie and Melissa? Jesus, this two hour episode is KILLING ME!
Now they’re doing this weird interrogation thing? This hip hop dance looks like it’s going to be awesome. These girls are ready!! Get it girls!
Group Dance! Nia’s shirt is awesome. Kendall sucks. Nia and Maddie are killing it at this dance! Also, Brooke’s tumbling in the beginning was awesome.
KENDALL IS SO BORING.
Ok, awards. Brooke gets 2nd Place. Kendall gets 4th Place. Maddie gets 2nd Place?!?!? Group is 7th Place?!?!
This episode gets 4 out of 5 apples, but only bc we got to see Abby on the weirdest date in the world.
My dear mother
Mama: Mayachan, if you call again when you’re about to start your period I’m just going to say ‘hai hai period okay, you call when you’re done ok’ daisuki I don’t wanna hear you cry and complain like annoying American girl.
Me: Ugh, fine mom.
Asian tiger bitch mamas don’t take shit from their cubs
A note to all the tiger moms and Asian dads out there
Your kids just might end up killing themselves or live in depression all their lives because of you. You have no idea what the stress or pressure is like in these times so please don’t say stuff like “Oh we never had school buses,” or “Oh we had it so much worse back then,” because the fact is we don’t care. I mean we do and we’re sincere about all the things that you do for us, but don’t even try to say that you understand us because you never will.
Do you fit in our shoes? Do you fit in our shirts? Do you understand every bit of our academic life starting from homework all the way to the standardized tests? No, you don’t. So shut up for once and stop being ignorant about the way you treat your kids. Yes your friend’s son/daughter may have a 2400 on the SAT’s, but I bet that child has no life. Life has to be balanced and you of all people should understand that by now. You can’t have everything in life, especially academic talent and social skills. We already live in one of the most competitive districts in the state so please give us some leniency. The next time you utter the phrases “Not good enough,” or “Why didn’t you score higher,” think about what YOU went through in life and what WE as the future generation have to go through. Every generation, no matter how advanced, will have problems of its own accord, so don’t be so quick to judge and think that you know everything because all you’re doing is pounding that nail into coffin more.
Tiger Mom through the lens of Shirley's
So… quite a few people had come to me and asked me about my thoughts on the “Tiger Mom” articles. Most of my Asian friends had also have few exchanges in their FB walls, asking ourselves, “Hmmm… Am I one of them? Was my mom one of them?”
Theirs answers vary.
Last Friday night, during one of our “Friday Regroup Meetings” at the bar, my work buddy, whom OF COURSE, I won’t disclose his real identity as “Pete”, asked me the same question. Interestingly, both of them, whom again, I will NOT disclose the other person’s real identity as “Mark”, looking at me intriguingly like I am almost expected to pull out a Super Manual of Tiger Mom from my back pocket, and smack it on the table. In fact, I had spent less than 10 mins to scan through couple of those articles before hand, “acknowledged” my friends have been chit-chatting about this on the walls… And… that’s about it.
However, both of them looked at me, expectantly. I can’t disappoint my audiences. So, I took a deep breath, and started talking.
It only took me about 5 seconds or so to realize, I do have more thoughts about this after all, approximately 15 mins more thoughts to be exact.
After a while, they finally spotted couple openings (probably between my breath) and responded. All in all, it was a very cool conversation.
Anyway, you all may think, ok now, spill it out, what exactly are your thoughts, Shirley. Just get to the story, could ya?
My response is, “Nope. I am not gonna tell. Not right now.”
However, I have put the link here for now, so, read it if you like, and let me know if you are interested in this topic, THEN, I will write up something.
Followers, I need your assistance!
(scroll down for tl;dr)
Yesterday, my mom yelled at me for the first time in ages. She released what appeared to be 5 months’ of pent-up annoyance and detailed how I was a lazy bum who did nothing but spend her money, how the volunteer work I do in the hospital is worthless, how none of my friends have time for me so I’m not allowed to travel anywhere, and how, because I have nothing to do, I am to take courses at a close-by community college.
Mind you, I got into a top-20 medical school a few months ago. This is my gap year, and I wanted to take a frickin’ break before my life becomes absolute hell for the next four years of med school and however many years of residency. So far, that has failed, as I have not successfully landed a job nor have I seen my friends in months. This is becoming a very uphill fight for relaxation, and my only option now is to embrace the fact that I will lose.
tl;dr » So, if you would so kindly help me pick out classes at the cc, that would be a much appreciated gesture in a world dominated by menopausal spikes.
I have been reading about type-A and type-B personalities as i study for pysch. type-A personalities are very competitive and stressed and always want to be in control. Type-B personalities are more chill. But Tiger Moms don’t fit these patterns, because they have to be Type-A+.
I love my friends.
- mom: listening to music again? while you're doing your homework? you know what, you're not allowed to do that anymore until you get your grades up
- me: wtf what'd you just say SAY THAT AGAIN WHAT I DIDN'T QUITE HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY FREEDOM
- mom: EXCUSE ME MISSY I BIRTHED YOU DON'T YOU FORGET IF I SAY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO SOMETHING, YOU'RE NOT *FUCKING ALLOWED TO DO IT
- me: My grades! they're not even that bad? what are you basing this off of?!?!
- mom: SHUT UP NO MORE MUSIC END OF DISCUSSION.
- *- wasn't actually spoken aloud, but its insinuated
- it feels like my mom just took away my source of air, literally i'm about to die theres some severe withdrawal symptoms here i can't even focus WHICH DEFEATS THE WHOLE GODDAMN PURPOSE I'M SINGING LIKE A GODDAMN FOOL I SOUND LIKE A SMOKER AND ITS BEEN 5 4 HOURS AND I'VE GOTTEN NOTHING DONE.
- thanks mom, when i fail my classes we know who's at fault here.