My Impossible Reality
What is one thing I have accomplished that I never thought I could do?
One would think that I would say “winning The Levi’s Girl contest”, but I knew when I was making the video that I would win. I might be psychic bc I’m not usually very confident.
The only time I faced a task with fear and complete disbelief that I could do it, was in 2008 when I needed to loose weight. After college I got a job and had lots of money, lots of money to go to fancy restaurants. And then I moved in with my boyfriend where every night was date night and I tried to keep up with his bottomless stomach. One day I woke up and didn’t recgonize myself. I was tired of telling people I wasn’t pregnant.
(Needless to say there are little to no photos from this time period. I looked like an Italian Shrek in a velour jumpsuit. The only one I am willing to share is above.)
I had never dieted before, I had no idea what to do. I watched my mother struggle with her weight since I was a really little girl, so dieting always seemed like an impossible task- an idea that goes nowhere.
But I was scared, I didn’t want to look back on my younger years and regret having been fat. So I committed to my diet as though my life depended on it. I admit I may have been a little extreme (dare I say obsessive, or compulsive?) smelling sweets instead of eating them. Once I even dipped a tip of asparagus in cake icing to prove that I didn’t want any. I really had to change the way I thought and take complete responsibility for my actions.
After 6 months I lost 50 pounds and for the most part have kept it off. I am so confident in the power of my mind now. Once there is something I am passionate about, I know I can get it now… perhaps that’s why The Levi’s Girl wasn’t a question in my mind.
Oh man. The feeling of being unwanted. Just please stay away. Never come back. The only reason you ever texted back was to say you had to go. The only reason you ever were there was because your pity for me finally seeped through your thick skull and stirred up a fraction of the thin juices of your teaspoon of emotional range. I don’t need you and you sure as hell don’t need me. Just because I’m not exceptional doesn’t mean you are. Kindly forget me and I’ll forget you too.