Called out
Was telling my lady a story about my gym woes this week. Overheard a guy (about 155lbs, bench pressing in the smith) making fun of people for doing deadlifts, saying it’s just an ego lift and that doing barbell squats doesn’t build strength. The only reason I’m telling you what I heard was because I’m sure you know I was fuming, as I was doing both of those lifts at the time.
She asked me a simple question, “do you think your past insecurities of being obese makes you focus on these type of people in the gym?” She went on to point out that I’m always bitching about people doing lifts incorrectly, or cheating/lying about their lifts, or misusing equipment. Bottom line, she’s right. Why should I even care?
I’ve also noticed a ton of hate/judgement here on Tumblr that seems to be growing. Most of the people that I follow have a lot in common with my journey. Former obese folks that are trying to get it together with fitness and food. I also follow a handful of distance runners, powerlifters, crossfitters and bodybuilders that have never been obese, but give me daily motivation. Oddly, those people rarely talk shit about others.
All I’m trying to say is don’t be like me and allow your insecurities to trap you. Push you into a bully mentality where you snub your nose at people because they don’t play by your rules. Everyone in your gym is battling something, every person you run past had to wake up and look in the mirror and say let’s do this. Sure some will be jackholes, but some really don’t know they’re crashin your action and are just doing what they saw on youtube.
My personal goal is no more getting sucked in, don’t allow others to make me become me reacting.
ps Don’t tell my ol lady I said she was right.
Thinking Out Loud
Shadows shadow all of our inner truths
The real is falsified by environmental perceptions
I often can see the misconception
Why hide our inner selves
As we try to be our selves
Well I’m just thinking out loud
Or just thinking on paper
Or just pressing keys on my iPhone
But it makes sense doesn’t it
As I listen to music, I ponder myself
And the answers still remain to be found
Guys are pre-labeled.
We’re pretty much labeled as creatures that are not to be trusted. We can say something sweet to someone we really care about and the girl would respond, “awww.” But in the back of her mind she’s thinking, “I wonder how many girls he’s saying this to.” I mean, you can’t really blame the girls because the majority of the guys will do and say whatever it takes to get in your pants. It’s completely understandable and it’s very good. BE CAUTIOUS! We can be very douchy and can hurt you at any time. It’s good to have your guard up to be smart.
But girls, let me tell you that when a boy actually does fall for you, like REALLY fall for you. He would go to the moon and back, to Korea and back again just for you. He would do things that are remarkably stupid and super embarrassing just to make you smile. He would only act a certain way around YOU. Because YOU are the one that gives him the butterfly feeling. That high he would get from seeing YOU smile. There’s just nothing like it. Oh, and one last thing. I don’t know what sorcery this is, but that girl that can make you turn red and blush even through pictures. Just a simple smiling picture. That’s got to be black magic. Why? Because it’s so pathetic…LOL. But yeah, just a word to all you girls out there. Look out for the boys that actually do fall for you and are really telling the truth. For all you know, they could be waiting a long time for you. Hard to tell eh? I guess that’s what life’s about. Life is a K-drama.
Why I want you, you whom does not exist here yet
I feel good about the future, I used to fear the future not believing things could and would change. I have seen changes i did not believe would become reality.
I have recently welcomed patience into my life. I’m waiting for the tree of love that bears fruit until old age or when illness or casuality hits.
I wondered why I want to have a companion?
- for sex
- to enjoy culture with
- to create and critize with
- to have an extra mind on my team
- to have a saftey net and be a safety net
- I’m not sure I want children, that all depends on the dynamics and shared desires of my prince charming
- to grow old with
- to smile at when I get home in the evening and when I wake up in the morning
- to aid my growth and vice versa and if that means we grow about than so be it, however I think at this age, I’m not going to be changing as dramatically as I did in my twenties. I’m rather mature for my age, stable and have dealt with my hang ups, so to say…
- I want someone who can admit fault, apologize, and wants to grow and change
- Growth, change is important in my life
- Recognition is important, as are; honesty, humility, humanity, hand-holding, humping, sorry, lol, trying to keep the H’s going…..I can’t think of any more, can you?
I’m not ready for all this just yet, I’m just warming up to the idea of it.
BREAKING UP 101
So its official my boyfriend ended it with me. no way to get that back. Sadly i always kinda knew we were gunna end, but i staid so i wouldnt be so alone. We said our goodbyes and so happy he is helping me with one things, but after that its done. He said he wants to be friends, but dont they all say that lol.
What I feel right now, blah, disappointed, confused, in shock, and anxious. I guess i am not really sad. At the end i come to realize that it became a mutual thing.why do i want him if he keeps doing this to me. so maybe that is why i am sad. our relationship was through a phone because we were long distance. that makes it easier as well.
When you have been dumped this is what you should not do
1) lay around in your bed all day
2) eat ice ream no stop (which sounds really good right now)
3) listen to sad songs that remind you of them
4) self-harm of course
What to do when you have been dumped
1) go out to get your mind off of it
2) find a friend you know will listen to you vent. get it off your chest
3) find a rebound lol. when someone new in someway comes along itll help you lots
4) dont be alone. be around friends and family to heal
5) Be single for a little bit. figure out what went wrong. what you could do better and so forth so you know on your next relationship the same problems do not occur.
Now thats my little insight. I am going out tonight and continue to live myself.
