Someone posts a status on facebook saying "what a wonderful friday...and I get to hang out with all my friends tonight"

Me: HEY ME TOO!!

you know …friends…

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me and my friends are almost failing this class so we made a slap bet and whoever gets the highest grade on the next test gets to slap everyone else as hard as they want on the face

so basically i’m studying like a bitch so i can slap the shit out of all of them

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I almost threw up today and my friend was all like “nigga you betta not throw up das money you gonna be throwing up and then you gon be hungry again and dats more money” 

roommates just called me hypocritical for saying I support transgender people but not a white person's right to claim Native identity via transracialism

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  • vivi: don't talk to me about tee wolf so far aWAY
  • mickey: tee wolf
  • vivi: yes mickey it's about golfing werewolves in their polos
  • me: SCREAMING

one time my friend faked a seizure to get out of a threesome. 

“I spent 2 hours in Perth. It reminded me of death. ”

—Nikhil Mahapatra
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