Rant: I'm Sick of the Half-Bassed Apologies
Seriously, what is it with the Bass men buying forgiveness with necklaces? These women are literally letting the Basses tie gold chains around their necks like a noose (or a pet collar…take your pick) and actually seem to think it’s something to be happy about. It’s so pathetic, I can’t even be mad at Lily and Blair…I just feel very, very sorry for them for thinking that jewelry and an obligatory apology makes everything okay. How can you be anything but sorry for someone who thinks that’s what love is?
Buttercunt's Dream Cum True
BUTTERCUNT’S DREAM CUM TRUE.
Once upon a fucking time in this magical land a pretty fuckin’ fabulous country named Ninjago was located. In this country, there was a girl named Buttercunt who lived in the biggest fucking mansion in the world. Buttercunt was the sexiest bitch alive, and has dated nearly all the sexy bastards in Ninjago. Except one….
Buttercunt was having the sexiest wet dream she had ever had where her and the FAMOUS SEXY ASS NINJA ZANE were having like, the best sex ever. Zane was Buttercunt’s metaphorical husband. She had all of his fan-merchandise, and even went to bed with a life-sized pillow of him and humped it every night. Even though she had never met this bastard (he was too busy saving the other lowlifes that lived in peasant villages.) she knew he was already in love with her sexy-ass and they would get married within the first moments of meeting eachother.
Buttercunt’s dream orgasm was interrupted by her alarm clock ringing it’s ass off next to her sexy ear.
“ASTKBDICOSHEPFJDJBRFKBRN” she screamed as she fell sexily out of her plush king-sized bed. She looked around and saw that her and her fucking expensive imported bed were soaking wet with cum and blood.
“SHIT I got my period!” Buttercunt yelled at her Zane pillow, which was also wet with period blood.
“Fuck! My precious Zaney-waney is all bloody again! Well, he was getting kind of dirty with my sexy-ass cumming on it every night anyways.”
She shook the pillow around, sloshing the 53 pounds of period blood that it had soaked up and splattered.
After throwing her husband into the washing machine, she had her servant-maid clean up her period. She went down to the three room kitchen and drank three gallons of motor oil, because she was under the delusion that she was a nindroid like Zane even though it was slowly eating away at her internal organs and would kill her soon.
She was in the process of getting dressed when she heard a knock on her diamond encrusted front door,
“OH MY GODDD IT MUST BE MY HUSBAND!!” She screamed before running to the door in nothing but her bra and underwear. She looked sexy as fuck. Unfortunately, it was just the old mailman.
“ASSHOLE!” Buttercunt screamed at him before punching him in the dick and slamming the door. She slammed the door shut and stalked off. Halfway back to her room she heard another knock on the door.
“WHATTHEFUCKGOAWAYEIFJSNEIFHXHEBDKFJRKDJB” She blabbed out of her perfectly beautiful face. She opened the door again and nearly passed out.
“Hello, I was wondering if you’ve had any recent problems with the Stone Army recently? The museum exhibit has escaped and we are quite worried about the citizens of Ninjago,” He said. Zane. Zane. ZANE. HER SEXY HUSBANDO HAS COME TO PROPOSE TO HER FINALLY! He looked up at her and his eyes widened slightly, she was still in her bra and underwear. She had a perfect hourglass figure with D sized tits. She knew right then that Zane wanted to fuck her so she grabbed onto him and started making out with him. Zane tried pushing her away because he didn’t know what the FUCK was going on. Buttercunt got angry and ripped his shirt open. GOD DAMN BOY HE WAS SEXY. She opened his chest plate and flipped on his HORNY switch that was hidden in a clump of wires. He instantly picked her sexy body up and threw her on her bed and they had the hottest fucking sex ever.
After fucking eachother for twelve hours straight Zane decided to take her to the Destiny’s Bounty.
“BROTHERS HELLO THIS IS MY SEXY NEW GIRLFRIEND. I MET HER YESTERDAY AND WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!” He said excitedly to the others. Buttercunt wasn’t very excited about the others. They weren’t sexy like Zane so she didn’t cum herself when she saw them. She hated Jay so she punched him in the metaphorical vagina. Since Buttercunt didn’t like Nya either she punched her in the real vagina.
Sensei Wu came in and said to her,
“AKDNDCHEIIOWJENF DDJDIFNCODJSIIDJWISFNFN KFNEINGFC” which meant ‘You are so sexy’ in Japanese.
“NO SHES MY WIFE!” And then flew off on the Ultra Dragon with her.
It was so romantic up in the sky that they started sexily making out again and then had sex on the Dragon. Afterwards they went to a VERY FUCKING EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT AND THE BILL WAS $49274728286820 BUT BUTTERCUNT COULD PAY BECAUSE SHE WAS RICH AS FUCK.
After eating they went to the park and had sex again in the bathrooms. That was when Buttercunt collapsed.
“Oh no! My wife!” He yelled “Buttercunt what’s wrong?!”
“My body hurts FUCKING OW.” She said weakly to him. She died.
“OH NO MY WIFE YOU WERE SO FUCKING STUPID YOU DRANK OIL AND THEN I EJACULATED OIL INTO YOU LIKE FIFTY TIMES AND NOW YOU’RE DEAD NOOOOOOOO.” He screamed for four minutes straight. He then went home and shut himself off forever.
The End whoop-de-fucking-doo.
Sometimes I just sit here and have feels about Lestrade.
He seems so underrated sometimes in fanon, but I love him so much. He has a special corner in my heart all to himself.
And I just want to find him, go up to him, and tell him how much I love him while stroking his beautiful face.
That's your icebreaker question?!?!!? XD Oh gods XD That hilarious!
Yes! And there’s actually a story behind it.
When I was in college, I bartended at a restaurant. The sugar packets there had questions printed on the back, either trivia or hypothetical situations, whatever. Anyway, when it was slow, the servers would gather up by the bar and we’d answer the questions. Eventually, we ran out, so I started coming up with my own.
There’s something wrong with me, so they progressively became weirder. Then, one day, it happened.
“If everyone who worked here was stranded on a deserted island and you had to eat someone to survive, who would you eat first?”
At first, everyone just stared at me, but then they got into it. Really into it. We spent weeks making charts and figuring out the best answer. We even narrowed it down to the top five survivors. I was one of them. I’m not sure how, because personally, the person asking questions about who we’d cannibalize is the person I’d take out first.
Anyway, it was fun, but the down side was that I was never able to top it and the sugar packet question game pretty much ended after that. But I still use it all the time! :D
And there’s way more about me than anyone wanted to know.
95% Percent of the time when I'm online interacting with the opposite sex I worry that they're going to think I'm trying to creep on them.
I mean I could be signing up to donate my kidney to some girl on here and the only thing that would be running through my head would be, “Oh God I hope she doesn’t think I expect her to send me n00dz now.”