How to Achieve Anything
1. Stop fantasising: Those with too rosy a picture of the future tend to put less effort into reaching their goals. Instead, it’s better to be open to some things going wrong. It will help you see the obstacles - and think through beating them.
2. Visualise process NOT outcome: If you can think through all the steps you will forge a better plan … and it will also help reduce anxiety.
3. Be committed: You won’t achieve anything without getting started; and you won’t ever finish if you give up easily.
4. Beware of the “what-the-hell effect”: Too many just give up when they stumble or fall down. For example, think of all the dieters who binge at the first hurdle. It’s better to get up – and see a trip as very normal. It’s happens to us all – so don’t abandon your plan.
5. Attack procrastination: It’s easy to procrastinate when getting going’s tough. Make a start, keep your head down, and set yourself some deadlines. Once you start you’ll feel much better and the road won’t seem so hard.
6. Switch out of robot mode: A lot of behaviour is robotic and habitual. We copy other people or we do “the same old, same old”. Take stock … and change those patterns … if they don’t lead to your goals.
7. Know when enough is enough: Sometimes we also need to know when there’s no point going on. We’re flogging a dead horse and thing are never going to change. It’s time to alter your direction or to work on something else.
“You can't go on like you're going to start really living one day, like all this is some preamble to some great life that's going to magically appear. I'm a firm believer that you have to create your own miracles. Don't hold out that there's something better waiting on the other side. It doesn't work that way.”—Perry Moore
Relationship Check Up
A healthy relationship means that both members of the couple are…
1. Communicating with each other: Talking about problems without screaming and shouting; listening to each other, and respecting their viewpoint; being willing to adapt and to sometimes change their mind.
2. Showing respect for one another: Valuing the other person’s culture, beliefs, viewpoints, opinions and boundaries. Also, treating each other in a kind and caring way.
3. Demonstrating and conveying trust: Each person is trustworthy and trusts the other person – because they have been shown that they are worthy of that trust.
4. Honest with each other: Both are open and honest – but are private as well; and they don’t demand the other person tells them everything.
5. Equals: They make joint decisions and treat each other well. No person calls the shots or determines all the rules.
6. Able to enjoy their own personal space: As well as spending time together, they spend time on their own. They’re respect the fact they’re different, and they need their own life, too.
7. Decisions about sex are discussed, and are consensual: They discuss sex together, including birth control. There’s no one individual sets the rules and standards here.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
An unhealthy relationship develops where one, or both, of the partners is…
1. Failing to communicate: Problems are ignored, or not talked about at all. One or both don’t really listen, and they rarely compromise.
2. Acting in ways that are disrespectful: One or both are inconsiderate toward the other person; and they don’t behave in ways that send the message that they care.
3. Refusing to trust the other person: One or both is suspicion of their partner’s loyalty. Hence, they make false accusations, or won’t believe the truth.
4. Acting in a way that is dishonest: One or both is deceptive, or they lie and hide the truth.
5. Acting in a controlling way: One person thinks that they should set the one who rules, controls the other person, and say how things should be.
6. Beginning to feel squashed and smothered / cutting themselves off from friends and family: One partner is possessive, or feels threatened and upset, when the other’s with their family or spends time with their friends.
7. Attempting to pressurise the other into sexual activity / refusing to talk openly about birth control: One partner wants the other to participate in sex, or to engage in different practices against that’s person’s will. Or, one of the partners stops using birth control, or expects the other person to “take care of all that.”
Signs of an abusive relationship
An abusive relationship develops when one of the parties…
1. Starts to communicate in ways that are abusive: When arguments occur, one of the partners screams and cusses, or they verbally threaten or attack the other person.
2. Shows disrespect through acting in abusive ways: This is where one of the partners abuse, harms or threatens the physical safety of the other individual.
3. Wrongly accuses their partner of flirting or cheating: One of the partners is convinced – with no real grounds – that their partner is cheating or having an affair. Thus, they lash out verbally, or hurt, the accused partner.
4. Refuses to accept responsibility for the abuse: When they fly into a rage or act in ways that are abusive, they miminise their actions and refuse to accept blame. They may even blame their partner for “causing the abuse.”
5. Starts to control the other partner: One partner has no say as the other sets the rules – and arguing against that simply leads to more abuse.
6. Does what they can to isolate their partner: One partner has control of who the other person sees, the way they spend their time – and, even, clothes they buy and wear. Thus, they start to lose their confidence and personality.
7. Forces sexual activity: The frequency, type and circumstances for sex are determined by one partner – and the other must comply. If they don’t acquiesce it leads to violence or abuse. Also, sometimes violence is included in the sex.