"'Twas the Night Before Twerkmas"

‘Twas the night before Twerkmas, and all through the house,
Not a beat was dropping, not even deadmau5’.
The Air Jordans were hung by the chimney with curr,
In hopes that Saint Nicki soon would be thurr.
The lil’ ones was nestled all safe in their beds,
While visions of Dancehall Queens did splits in their heads.
My lil’ ma was in her booty shorts, and I was in my do rag,
And we’d just had ourselves a nice lil’ shag,
When out on the lawn, there arose some sick beats
So I threw on my snapbacks and threw off the sheets.
I jumped like a motherfucker out to the sill,
And looked out upon that holiest of nights, so still.
The moonlight had shone on the snow’s fine-ass tits—
It looked about noon, but ‘twas just about six.
And then, DAMN, out of nowhere, I saw some cray shit:
A rachet-ass ride drawn by eight tiny deer front’a it.
Her beats were so fine, so lively and sick
That I knew in an instant it must be Saint Nick.
Faster and faster her raps did a-flow,
And lights flashed and beats dropped as she put on her show.
More rapid than wifi, her reindeer did come,
And she called out by name each and every last one:
“Now, Latifa! Now, Shaniqua! Now Shanti and Rome!
On Gaga! On Beyonce! On Jay-Z and Tyrone!
Let’s drop off dese presents, then we all gettin’ some!”
Their beats they did drop and their dance moves were sick
And so up on the rooftop, her sick ride did stick.
Her purse full of condoms and iPads and mo’
To drop off the shit each bitch had axed fo’.
And then, right quick, I heard it up there—
The bass and the treble and the whipping back and forth of hair.
She was dressed all in pink, her hurr was bossed up.
She dropped the bass down the chimney and followed right up.
She was rockin’ pink jeggings, with bells in her weave,
She ate all the cookies and then said, “Shit, I gotta leave.”
And, laying her finger to the side of her ear
And turning three times, she said, “Bitch, I’m outta here.
I’ve got mo’ bitches and mo’ gifts to give ‘em.”
She threw the deuce up and said, “I shitted on ‘em.”
She sprang to her sleigh and was soon out of sight,
But I heard her exclaim, “MERRY TWERKMAS, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.”