Anonymous asked:
Greeting. I seek help, fellow mate. Can you please explain to me the connection between Loki and horses? I am completely off the map on this.
~STORY TIME~
Okay, so the Æsir and the Vanir had just had this huge war, and so the wall around Asgard was all broken and crumbling and ruined, they really needed a new one. Luckily, a mason came along and offered to build them a new, even better, wall. He said that he’d need about a year and a half to get it all finished, which is fair enough. So the gods asked him what payment he was asking for in return for this, and the mason was like “oh nothing big, y’know, just the moon, the sun, and freyja.” and the gods are all like “haha NO omg why would we ever agree to that, fuck off”
Loki then steps in like “NO MAN WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA” and odin’s like “oh god not another one loki, your ideas are the wORST” and loki’s like “HEAR ME OUT OKAY”
So Loki basically put the idea to odin that they agree to this guy’s payment, but they only give him 6 months to do the entire wall, and he can’t get help from anyone. If he finishes under those terms, then he’ll get the Moon, the Sun, and Freyja. If not, he gets nothing. At first odin’s like “omg nO WE ARE NOT GIVING HIM THOSE THINGS LOKI” and loki’s like “yes but he’s not gOING to finish it in six months is he, so this means that he’ll do maybe half of it or something in six months, and then we won’t have to pay him, but then we’ve got half a wall built for free” and odin’s like “shit bro that’s actually a fucking good idea omg LET’S DO IT”
so they talk to the mason again, and Odin tells him the terms of the agreement, and the mason’s like “well can i at least have my horses svaðilfari to help me?” and odin’s like “okay sure i don’t see why not” and the mason sets to work.
Problem is, once the mason starts working, the gods quickly notice that Svaðilfari can haul huge amounts of rock, and therefore the mason is working much faster than they expected. They at first brush it off, because still, there’s nowayhe could finish in just 6 months, but as weeks and months past they begin to get more and more worried. By the time the 6 months are nearly over, when there are just 3 nights left, the mason has only the gate left to build, which he can easily do in that time, with the help of his horse.
The gods freak out, and odin gets really pissed off and does what ALL the gods ALWAYS seem to do, which is that he goes and yells at loki and blames him. he grabs loki and he’s all like “YOU FUCKING LITTLE BASTARD THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU GOT US INTO THIS FUCKING SITUATION YOU TOTAL ASSHOLE” and loki’s like “omg cALM DOWN i just put the suggestion forward you all agreed to it and thought it was a good idea this isn’t my fault??” and odin’s like “IT’S DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT, YOU FUCKING FIX THIS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU OKAY, I WILL RIP YOUR DICK OFF AND THROW IN IN A FUCKING CANAL IF YOU DON’T FIX THIS” and loki’s like “OKAY OKAY CALM DOWN I FIX IT I SWEAR I’LL FIX IT”
so then the next night all the gods are still anxiously looking out and watching this mason start on building the gate, and then this mare appears from out of the trees, and she’s all prancing about and neighing and being sexy i guess?? and svaðilfari is like “I WOULD TOTALLY TAP THAT” and the mason is like “can you keep your dick under control for like three fucking nights please we have sRS BSNS to attend to here” and svaðilfari’s like “NOPE LOL” and runs off into the forest with this mare and the mason’s just left standing there on his own like “WELL BUGGER ALL THIS FOR A LARKE”
so then the mason tries to finish building on his own, but he can’t, so then after the three last nights, when the 6 months are finally up, the gods are all like “too bad so sad bYE THEN” and the mason gets really fucking angry and accidentally reveals himself to be a Jötunn in disguise and Thor’s all like “YOU FUCKER” and goes all THOR SMASH with his hammer and kills the mason, and they’re all like YAY and then they just sort of look around like “oh wait hang on where’s loki” and no-one knows and they’re all like ‘….hmm.’
so then Loki gets back to Asgard after a few months, with this little eight-legged colt trotting along after him, and Odin greets him when he returns, and he sees the bby horse and he’s like “AAAAAWWWHHH IT’S SO CUTE AWWWHHH PRECIOUS LITTLE DARLING THING” and loki’s like “y’know what mate, you can have that. honestly, keep it.” and Odin’s like “OMG THANK YOU AAWH IT’S SO CUTE BLESS ITS LITTLE HEART” and Loki’s like “yep, he’s called Sleipnir. He’ll be the fastest horse in existence when he grows up, so enjoy.” and then, in the words of a book i have on norse myths, “Odin thanked Loki a second time and looked at the Sly One very thoughtfully.”
Found this in the Norse Mythology tag. Was sad that I couldn’t reblog it because I like the storytelling ;) It was very funny to read. So, I did this. First time trying to do such a thing, I hope it worked out well and that I’m not stepping on any toes…
Let me tell you about how 8-legged horses are made...
Mighty Asgard wasn’t as mighty at first. The Asgardians were vulnerable to attacks, because they didn’t have a wall to protect them.
They decided they needed one.
A builder came out of nowhere and said he would build the wall, but in exchange he wanted the sun, the moon and Freyja as his wife.
The gods were outraged by these demands and were going to turn him down, but after some debate they agreed. Loki suggested they give the builder a short amount of time to finish the wall. If he failed to build it in time, he’d get nothing in return. They gave him three seasons to complete the wall, all by himself.
The builder didn’t like this, but he accepted the challenge, under one condition: He wanted to have his horse, Svaðilfari, help him.
Loki convinced them to let him keep the horse around.
Little did they know that Svaðilfari was one badass horse. He could haul enormous rocks, which was great help to the builder.
About 3 days before the deadline, he was almost done, only the gate needed to be built.
The gods had a discussion and as always they blamed Loki for this. They threatened him with death if he couldn’t fix the situation. Loki swore that he would think of something to delay the builder, no matter what it’d cost him.
Boy did it cost something. He decided to turn into a mare and distract the builder’s horse.
The builder and Svaðilfari were out to bring stones when all out of the blue a beautiful mare jumped out of the forest. The stallion tore apart his tackle, broke free from the wagon and chased after the mare.
They ran in the forest whole night, the builder chasing after them in vain. The night was wasted and he couldn’t finish the wall in time.
This made him furious, so angry that he revealed his true form. He was a giant.
Odin called Thor and he smashed the giant’s skull with Mjolnir.
During the chasing and the prancing the inevitable happened and after some time Loki gave birth to a grey, 8-legged foal, Sleipnir, which he gave to Odin as a gift. Sleipnir was the fastest horse in all 9 realms and he could travel back and forth to Hel, kingdom of Loki’s daughter, Hel.
My King, it appears that my cat enjoys being in your company as well as I...
Felis silvestris catus. One of my favorite creatures in all of Midgard. Second to the equus ferus caballus, of course.
