Super Smash Bros

In my house, everything my children want to do will be decided by whether or not they can beat me in SSB: Melee. And when they challenge me to a game because they want the keys to my car, here is a conversation I anticipate:

“Ahhhh. You turn to the Melee because you think it is your ally. You merely adopted the Melee. I was born in it. Molded by it. By the time I saw Brawl, it was nothing but BLINDING. THE MELEE TURNS ON YOU BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO ME”

“Dad can we just play?”

*breaks son’s back*

“THE AMOUNT OF LIVES I BEAT YOU BY WILL BE THE AMOUNT OF DAYS YOU GET NO FOOD”