My advice & suggestions for Beyoncé

There’s nothing quite like the Super Bowl Halftime show. It’s the greatest stage in all of music. You have one chance, one shot. It’s an unparalleled platform with expectations that are almost always unreachable, especially for female performers. So what’s Beyoncé have to do in order to win over the audience, especially in the midst of her current overanalyzed lip syncing scandal? Are you listening Beyoncé? Here’s some suggestions…

Firstly, pace is the most important aspect of a truly electrifying performance during the Super Bowl. It has to be relenentless, a fast-paced sprint to the finish. There’s no time for costume changes or even a 15-second instrumental intermission.

Secondly, take advantage of all this media outcry about your supposed lip synched National Anthem performance. Let the Halftime show be your answer. Remember when Katy Perry faked “technical difficulties” as she transitioned from “E.T.” to “Part of Me” during her Grammy performance? 

I’m not even a huge Katy Perry fan, but I’ll be the first to admit this was genius. Do it, Beyoncé. Combine the awkwardness of the Ashlee Simpson lip syncing debacle, pretend you’re having technical difficulties, then blow the crowd away with the power of your vocals. And then, I don’t know, transition into Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor,” the very song you wrote way back in the early 2000s to address criticism and negativity. BOOM. You’re welcome Beyoncé

Thirdly, don’t limit yourself to your own discography. This is what made Prince (when he performed The Foo Fighter’s “Best of You”) and Madonna’s (when she mashed “Party Rock Anthem” with one of her own songs) sets so refreshing. It wasn’t just another run-of-the-mill Madonna or Prince concert, they brought something new, something they’ve never done before. You’re already experienced at this, Bey. You’re mash-up of “You Oughta Know” and “If I Were A Boy” is spectacular.

But, just a reminder, when I say “bring something new,” this doesn’t mean perform anything new. Madonna made that mistake by performing her lacklust “Give Me All Your Luvin.’” It was the one flaw of Madge’s entire set. And if the current rumors are true and you plan to perform the new snore-fest of a song “Nuclear,” that new Destiny’s Child song, please, please, please don’t. Not only is it a not a good song, but performing it during something so illustrious as the Super Bowl would only put a stain on the brilliant legacy of Destiny’s Child.

As for a finale, do yo thang Beyoncé. You’re a seasoned pro at performing, and I expect it to be nothing short of remarkable. Whether it’s a stripped down version of “Halo” or a high-energy performance of your new single, I know it will just work… as long as you don’t make one of the mistakes I listed above.

So there it is, Beyoncé. I lost your phone number (again!), so I couldn’t text you, but I hope you find time to read this. Good luck and see you and Jay at the next Illuminati meeting.

Sincerely,

OMFG Music